I wasn’t using this website for a few years and when I came back around 2023 suddenly everyone thought criticizing that kind of thing is inherently coded transmisogyny. I have no idea how or why it got to that point but it seems to be related to the discourses unleashed by the ratliker and megapope sagas as far as I can tell.

I think the rhetorical association of this… taste… with transfemininity is absolutely insane and regressive. It literally feels like a psyop to try and make trans women look bad, which makes it even weirder to me that people insist you’re NOT allowed to say that not all trans women want to fuck suspiciously aged hentai goonculi and that this has no inherent relationship to transfemininity.

The actual reason I suspect people on here are so invested in defending that slop as somehow bound to an identity they consider the most oppressed and therefore the closest to absolute truth (remember that radlibs believe in a kind of Christian “blessed are the poor in spirit” standpoint epistemology and ethics) is because the average user on here is a giga NEET. This type of thing being a part of NEET sexual desire has been built into hentai slop and the relationship it has with its audience at least since the Lost Generation in Japan in the 90s.

You had a bunch of people, mostly men but plenty of women too, become permanently unemployed and basically just want to regress to an idealized childhood innocence forever. For many of them this meant that they began to hold onto desire for children as the embodiment of the promise of an original purity and innocence, and I think it’s not coincidental that it usually involved sibling incest fantasies too (incest fantasies are generally more popular in times where the scope of sociality seems to be collapsing).

Of course, mainstream Oedipal sexuality is pedophilic through and through too. The oedipalization of children, their indoctrination into the nuclear family, is also their first experience with sexualization (though not their first experience with libido). Think about how obsessed parents are with regulating their baby daughters’ behavior down to their posture, and how they train children to see their genitals as their primary erogenous zones through restrictions and taboos around them. And think of how fucking weird fathers and mothers are with their kids, how they become jealous and paranoid about them in ways that are heavily sexually charged.

All this to say that specific variants of pedophilic desire like within otaku sexuality, what this whole thing really is, are neither “subversive” nor are they inherently transfeminine (????). These are basically people desiring absolute purity and an escape from their own adult responsibility, which they feel has not come with the freedom it was promised to be the means for. There are social reasons for why people end up like this, but that’s no excuse for people searching for an escape through narcissistic regression and the fantasy of exploiting children.

The article written in a way that makes it clear this is meant to be deeply horrifying but all I can think is “yeah that probably happens all the time but most people don’t have 2:1 care so it never gets spotted or recorded properly”.

Just last month I asked for flavoured water (in the fridge but I didn’t think to specify) and was given bubble mixture (admittedly in an old flavoured water bottle without the label but under the desk, next to the bubble machine I take to Pride). I was thirsty and took two big slurps through a straw so there was no smell to give it away until it was too late and I threw up shortly after (for anyone curious there were bubbles). This carer is genuinely lovely if chronically short on common sense, but I feel safe with him in general.

And a few years ago a carer mixed up my meds and tried giving me 8x the dose of one of my meds over 24hrs. I noticed after only taking twice the prescribed dose and didn’t become seriously ill (I looked it up and if I’d taken all the doses then the mistake could have been fatal). I also found out later that the mistake wasn’t formally recorded anywhere so never officially happened. (This person no longer works in care, no one else is at risk).

Sorry if this is a silly topic to ask about 😭

i think it's a really natural thing for kids to see that stuff and want to participate in it. like it's one of the very few options presented to kids to feel Seen and Powerful, you know? and there isn't exactly concurrent discussion about how unbelievably exploitative the industry is, how it regularly drives kids (and adults) to despair. because that would ruin the entertainment value.

and even when adults are telling kids like Hey it's not a great idea to abandon your education to pursue this, we tend to be really dismissive about things like:

the exploitation they already face constantly

the amount of critical thought they already put into their decision to participate

how they feel about the opportunity cost of this decision

their lack of other options to access that kind of financial/social/creative independence

and so on and so forth.

it reminds me of jenny humphrey's arc on gossip girl where she dropped out of school and ran away from home to focus on fashion design. and then facing issues around creative control, labor exploitation (at eleanor waldorf's atelier too, like her classmate's mom seriously what the fuck). and the whole time i feel like jenny was just treated as annoying and entitled by the narrative and the audience??? when like every adult around her was failing her so deeply and she just wanted control over something. UGH it pissed me off.

Sorry if this ask is out of place, I didn't know where else to get a good opinion :')

My young cousin is very loud and stubborn, she parents are doing their best but they're often busy. Personally I'm not able to be as patient and understanding as I should be because I can't stand the screaming at all, also the way she pushes and hits and how she yells and calls people evil anytime they don't do whatever she asks them (like letting her eat 2 ice creams in a row). Or even the more innocent things like getting all in my face or touching me when playing. Asking her to stop or why some things can't be done just makes her worse.

I don't know how parents do it, I find myself not wanting to be around kids like this or losing my patience, which means I end up refusing to do most thing the kid asks of me or I get pissed at everyone else around me.

I don't like not being able to be with them reasonably and would like to know if there's anything to do about this, maybe there's something wrong with the way I'm seeing things.

Anyway, I wish you a great day ♡

as a neurodivergent caregiver i understand this really, really deeply. for any kind of stimulation (such as pain or loud noises) i tend to have a threshold for it where it hardly bothers me at all, but then a switch flips, and suddenly it's WAY too much to handle and i get irritable or angry.

the most helpful approach to this i've found is just. accepting that this is a limitation i have as a caregiver. i'm only going to be able to handle so much stimulation. that's not the kid's fault, and it is important for kids to be able to be loud sometimes. it's also not a personal failing of mine, just something i have to work around.

so i try to plan ahead. i have silicone earplugs and noise cancelling headphones that i use a lot (honestly just having them with me is calming). i know that if i'm on my phone around the kids, i tend to get more snappish, so i try to put it up when possible. i find activities to do with them that hold their attention - they don't have to be super structured, but the completely unstructured time can be more overwhelming for me because i don't know what to expect.

i try to regularly check in w my body and see how much tension/overwhelm i'm feeling and whether anything needs to adjust. of course this is hardest to do when you're already overwhelmed but with practice it gets a bit easier. the point is to try to identify overstimulation before it gets to the point of shutting down or losing it.

i also don't hesitate to have straightforward conversations with my kids about this. like "hey, i'm sorry i've been irritable, you don't deserve to be treated like that. at the same time, it's hard for me to stay calm if you're hitting me/pulling my hair/etc. next time, if you need something from me, can you try to keep your hands to yourself and ask at a 5 volume instead of a 10 volume? this is what a 5 volume sounds like." or "hi, i understand that you're asking me for something right now. can you look at my hands and see that i'm already in the middle of a task? that means i can't do your thing right this minute, but i'll do it after i'm done with this one." OR "okay, i've done x and y and z for you in the last 30 minutes, now i'm taking a break. if that bothers you, i can go take my break in my room instead of in the living room."

expect that these changes will take time & lots of practice to implement before they feel easier. it'll never be 100% perfect and that's okay. it's still worth trying again and again. with my kids i have a lot of "whoa! can you try that again a little more respectfully?" moments. the goal is to get to the point where those check-ins go smoother ("oh yeah, i could try saying that nicer"), not to get to the point where they're not needed at all.

and that goes both ways, too. the other day, A (my 4-year-old) was like, "mama, you seem like you're getting frustrated really fast over and over. do you want to take a nap after you get us breakfast, and see if that helps you regulate better later?" and you know what. i did.

Thank you

mmm i think you're right. i've felt the same way about the term 'whining' before. young children tend to have big expressions of frustration/anger/etc but 1) a lot of times they are well-founded and 2) they're considered disproportionate only by their caregivers' evaluation.

Harry: Kim, what's following that kid?

Kim: ...

Harry: What?

Kim: What are you talking about?

Inland Empire [80%]

Looks like you're the only one who can see it.

Harry: The... bone monster?

Kim: The bone monster.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Good morning officers."

YOU - Continue looking at the bone monster.

THE BONE MONSTER - It tilts its head to the side quizzically at you.

YOU - Tilt your head in response.

THE BONE MONSTER - It begins leering over you, grinning even harder.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - The kid turns towards you.

PERCEPTION [LEGENDARY: SUCCESS] - For a moment he looked at the bone monster, and then to you.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Is there a problem, officers?"

KIM - "You will have to forgive my partner, he has quite an active imagination."

THE BONE MONSTER - "You hear that? I'm just a part of your imagination."

"Pardon me officer, I don't think I caught your name?"

"Uh, well that's the thing, I, uh, don't actually remember it at the moment."

Damn him! He knows I need a name to kill, and now he's taunting me! He can see Ryuk, too, so one wrong move could end me! I might have to make the eye deal at this point...

---------------------------------

LOGIC [Medium, failure]: This bone monster is obviously Kira. You are fucked.

Try to make Kim see the bone monster. [Suggestion, Legendary]

Attempt to arrest the bone monster.

Put yourself between the bone monster and Light.

Ask Light for some money.

PERCEPTION [EASY: FAILURE] - You can't tell what gender it is.

YOU - "Excuse me, sir-- or, uh, madam?-- Bone... person..."

THE BONE MONSTER - It laughs, a deep, gutteral sound, like air escaping from the lungs of a corpse. As its jaw moves, you can see rows upon rows of sharp teeth inside its gaping maw.

COMPOSURE [CHALLENGING: SUCCESS] - You stand your ground and manage not to freak out.

YOU - "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the police station. You... uh, match the description of a suspect... I think."

THE BONE MONSTER - It lets out a loud, phlegmatic belly laugh. "What are you going to do, arrest me?"

AUTHORITY - Damn right you are. Cuff him.

YOU - "Yes, as a matter of fact, I will. You are under arrest on suspicion of being Kira. Put your hands forward, wrists together."

KIM - "How exactly are you going to handcuff a hallucination, Detective?"

THE BONE MONSTER - It laughs again, like this is the funniest thing in the world, before obediently sticking out its arms.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - His eyes go wide and his face goes pale as you place the cuffs on the monster's wrists, before his gaze darts to Kim.

KIM - He is staring at the cuffs. He looks bewildered. "Are those handcuffs... floating?"

-----------------------------------

Shit! Ryuk, why did you have to comply?! Is this a game to you? No matter... They still don't realize that I'm Kira, not Ryuk. All I have to do is stay calm and act surprised. I'm sure Ryuk can just escape later, once he gets bored. And this other cop obviously can't see him, so it seems it's only the first one who has touched a Death Note... I just need to make it seem that he's the only one who can see Shinigami. Then I'll seem innocent, and he'll be the suspicious one!

"How did you do that? Is it some kind of magic trick?"

--------------------------------------

SHIVERS [Heroic, Success]: As intimidating as it looks, the bone monster isn't the real threat.

Deduce who the real Kira is [Logic, Godly]

Ask Light what he knows about the bone monster.

Tell Kim I-told-you-so.

Convince Light you are a sorcerer [Drama, Impossible]

I'd HIGHLY reccomend it- there's only one chapter, really (the second one exists purely as a workaround to make something that would otherwise be a popup into a link because its way too long to be a popup) and its 32,000ish words.

do you know why eugencists believe they have a right to decide who can and cannot become parents? It is because they falsely believe that they can create an "improved" or "perfect" version of humanity, both biologically and culturally. You seem to know of one method they use (social control of reproduction), and it is important that you know they use many others! In particular, they seek to control social norms, and often believe there is 1 correct way to behave in any scenario. They are incredibly focused on maintaining their cultural traditions, and believe they have a moral obligation to destroy other people's cultural traditions. Eugenicists use "education" as cultural indoctrination and a tool of destruction of human cultural diversity. How does this relate to parenting?

Child-rearing, and therefore parenting, is a form of cultural tradition. Whether parents even raise their children themselves in a nuclear family model is culturally situated… some cultures use communal child rearing, some rely on extended family kinship ties, some cultures have designated caretakers who may be seen more as family or more as servant or more as employee. It just depends. So yes, parenting classes are just as eugenics-minded as having an exam, because they would have the effect of prioritizing and standardizing a culturally-dominant form of childrearing over others.

Also, I must point out that in our culture, whether or not you pass a class is usually determined by an exam… so

you're pushing for a more radical perspective on the family vs. the state than OP was initially, something that aligns more with family abolition and youth liberation than liberal reform measures. it is really, really hard to talk about these things sensitively in a way that people won't outright reject your idea.

you're not wrong. but if you want people to agree with you, you have to tailor your approach a little more, instead of calling them a closeted white supremacist when they don't instantly get what you mean. i do a lot of writing & discussion around this in person & online and like. 80% of the work is just figuring out how to communicate the ideas with people effectively, not learning/developing the ideas themselves.

here are some books i think you might like. they align with the critique you've made in this post and extend it far beyond what you've covered here. there's a lot of terminology here that i think you might find useful when you try to talk about this in the future.

Torn Apart: How the Child Welfare System Destroys Black Families--and How Abolition Can Build a Safer World by Dorothy Roberts

“Do you think abuse is bad, yes or no?”

do you know why eugencists believe they have a right to decide who can and cannot become parents? It is because they falsely believe that they can create an "improved" or "perfect" version of humanity, both biologically and culturally. You seem to know of one method they use (social control of reproduction), and it is important that you know they use many others! In particular, they seek to control social norms, and often believe there is 1 correct way to behave in any scenario. They are incredibly focused on maintaining their cultural traditions, and believe they have a moral obligation to destroy other people's cultural traditions. Eugenicists use "education" as cultural indoctrination and a tool of destruction of human cultural diversity. How does this relate to parenting?

Child-rearing, and therefore parenting, is a form of cultural tradition. Whether parents even raise their children themselves in a nuclear family model is culturally situated… some cultures use communal child rearing, some rely on extended family kinship ties, some cultures have designated caretakers who may be seen more as family or more as servant or more as employee. It just depends. So yes, parenting classes are just as eugenics-minded as having an exam, because they would have the effect of prioritizing and standardizing a culturally-dominant form of childrearing over others.

Also, I must point out that in our culture, whether or not you pass a class is usually determined by an exam… so

Also, there are some cultures where sexually or physically abusing children is considered normal and necessary by EVERYONE involved, oftentimes even the people being hurt--that doesn't mean we have to respect that aspect of their culture lest we be white supremacists, or ignore it entirely and claim it doesn't exist! An extreme example is the cultural tradition of preforming FGM (female genital mutilation) surgery on girls in some villages and communities in East Africa. Here's an excerpt about this practice and how it comes to be understood as necessary and normal from the anthropology textbook Cultural Anthropology: A Perspective on the Human Condition: "Boddy [anthropologist] discovered that the purity, cleanliness, and smoothness associated with the infibulated female body is also associated with other activities, concepts, and objects in everyday village customs...'the shape of an ostrich egg, with its tiny orifice, corresponds to the idealized shape of the circumcised woman's womb'...Boddy's relativistic account demonstrates how the meanings associated with female infibulation are reinforced by so many different aspects of everyday life that girls who grow up, marry, and bear children in Hofriyat [village] come to consider the operation a dangerous but profoundly necessary and justifiable procedure that enables them to help sustain all that is most valued in their own world." pg 31. These people aren't less intelligent than you or me, and they certainly shouldn't have to pass a test in order to have children. But a decent amount of people there, (notably not all! Some don't agree with these surgeries despite their dominant culture), believe in these practices because of where and how they grew up.

I know this wasn't your intention but denying that culture can be sexually or physically abusive is, um...an unproductive opinion to have. As Boddy continued, "Those who work to eradicate [FGM] must, I assert, cultivate an awareness of the custom's local significances and of how much they are asking people to relinquish as well as gain." pg 34.