CAPTAINPRICE79

no offense but bucky not remembering what he does as the winter soldier makes his & sam’s rivalry so much funnier

….I want to know what could have possibly happened that didn’t only prompt the closing of the McDonald’s but it’s over night demolition and Erasure

well i know why since i live here but im not going to tell you

But… But why not?

im shy.

Proof white people like their dogs too much

Spanish colonisation to the Philippines (1565-1898)

i think im an idiot

whenever im refilling my zippo, if i accidentally spill some lighter fluid on my hand i’ll just light my hand on fire for a sec and shake the fire off but this time it dripped down my arm and in the 1.4 seconds between lighting the zippo and put it up to my arm i didnt think “wait wont this burn my arm hair” and so now my arm smells like burnt arm hair for the rest of the evening.

Instead of making up shitty racist headcanons about Miles shoplifting join me in headcanoning him picking up ballet because he thought Gwen being a ballerina was super neat and it would help him in his spiderman job

Spider strength he can’t control + Lifts = Hilarity

Miles, muttering to himself: do not yeet the ballerina. do NOT yeet the ballerina

one time i texted my fireman dad saying something was “lit” and he responded “please dont say that”

pro tip about relationships, you can call them all sorts of cheesy shit and they have to sit there cause they love u. i call my bf “lover”. if i ask him “whos the cutest boy in the whole world?” he has to stand there whole six feet of grown ass man with a news anchor voice and say “i am”.

i call my very Intimidating and Hardass butch girlfriend my sweet potato and she just melts

i love everyones replies to this post but this ones the best

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

Did I ever tell yall how I dabbed during a grad school dinner with my future cohort, who were all older than me, and immediately felt my soul leave my body

people who hate chatty cats are the worst like. your small friend is singing a song just for you! they have things to say! listen to them

Not only that, but cats basically meow JUST for your benefit! They don’t talk to other cats with meowing- really only kittens, because kittens are still learning how to speak cat. But cats have realized you can’t speak cat, but you DO respond to meowing, so they accommodate you!! They want to talk to you so much that these little creatures who aren’t really about doing work if they don’t have to are willing to work to talk to you!! That’s amazing!!

I train all my cats to be chatty and yesterday I saw one of them on the stairs and I said “hey Nala, what’s up” and she meowed super quietly so I said “sorry, can you enunciate” and swear to god she looked at me and yell meowed for a full half a minute