Dylan. 26. they/them.

I write for Yellowjackets/Lottienat. Check out my ao3 here.

Currently unemployed due to ongoing struggles with my mental health. If you'd like to support me, you can find my Ko-fi here.

Terfs/tories/maga kill yourself. Cishet men DNI. Occasionally nsfw. Asks always open.

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one question: what do you understand by shauna's phrase to jackie before cremating her? ("i don't even know where you end and i begin") i've seen several different interpretations and i was wondering what you would think of it

honestly i've always found it to be a fairly self-contained profession. shauna spent so long living in jackie's shadow—wearing the things she told her to wear, liking the things she wanted her to like, even going as far as to sleep with her boyfriend in what i perceive as both an effort to emulate her and feel closer to her—that she began to lose sight of her own sense of identity. because if you strip her of her relationship with jackie and all the things she does to please her, what does she have left?

it's pretty obvious that their friendship was incredibly co-dependent. they went everywhere and did everything together. i think jackie was content with this; she never even questioned that shauna would follow her to rutgers. never even entertained that shauna might want to do something else just for herself. meanwhile, shauna was sitting on a deap-seated resentment that only festered the longer she ignored it. if that resentment was thoroughly dissected, however, you'd probably find that it was directed more towards herself. shauna is intelligent. she has free will and the capacity to make her own choices in life, so why does she keep making the ones she knows jackie will approve of at the expense of her own happiness and comfort?

in any other context, a line like this would read as affectionate or even romantic, but shauna spits it at jackie like acid. it's an accusation. in her mind, jackie is the mastermind behind shauna's discontent. she has wrapped shauna around her little finger. she has fastened a leash to her throat and she yanks her every this way and that. in my opinion, jackie's awareness of shauna's unhappiness was not as all-encompassing as shauna believed it was. she was a lonely teenage girl, bored of her life and bored of her relationship, and shauna was the only person she truly loved. she wanted to keep her close because she was scared of losing her.

it is possible that jackie was consciously trying to shape shauna into her mirror's image. not because she really wanted to change her, but because she wanted shauna to be accepted in the same spaces, to be able to follow her into the same rooms; because she wanted, desperately, for the two of them to make sense together, in spite of their glaring differences. in all likelihood, jackie saw these differences as a threat to their relationship. she was also likely threatened by how clever and capable shauna was. to encourage that side of her, to nurture her independence, might mean that shauna would outgrow her. that she would someday see herself as too good for someone like jackie.

i was going to read the new fic mostly because you wrote it and because i missed your work, but i think i ended up discovering something about myself while reading it...

thanks man, you're the best <33

obs: they were having so much fun

here u go lol

P.S? I asked my sister and she did tell her that we were watching the movie together