Strong Feelings About Summer Camp

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Thanks for the mammaries

For the memes that wouldn’t quit

For agreeing to say “I like your shoelaces” if we ever met

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Thanks for the bad puns

For the emotional support

And for opening our eyes to things we’d never seen before

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Thanks for incorrect quotes

For the Mishapocolalypse

For all the OTPs that never quite became canon ships

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Thanks for “the signs as” lists

For the fanmixes and fanfic

And for how a certain imagine could make us squee or squick

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Thanks for AO3 feeds

For aesthetics and moodboards

For how “what is air?” worked when we were lost for words

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Thanks for the headcanons

For shoving breadsticks in your purse

And how we never can forget the phrase “take me to snurch”

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Thanks for the recipes

For how text posts derailed

For gushing about NaNoWriMo even harder when we failed

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Thanks for SuprWhoLock

For cross stitch, knitting, and crochet

And for how Obama dropping the mic meant there was nothing more to say

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Thanks for stories in the tags

For smudged writing on your hand

And for how 3AM drunk posts got many more reblogs than planned

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Thanks for “beeves” and “snoteleks”

For warning that spoilers lay ahead

For how we’d whisper “just one more post”, but never go to bed

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Thanks for arrows to the knee

For letting us obsess

And for when we agreed to disagree on the color of that dress

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Thank you for the Science Side

For spoopy Halloween

For Canada, Australia, and for every place between

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Thanks for “okay, that sounds fake”

For so much lovely art

And for the way a well-made gifset can truly break a heart

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Thanks for the cute animal posts

For the cauliflower grandad

For the way that Denny’s posts made us think that they’d gone mad

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Thanks for “follow forevers”

For every eccentricity and quirk

And for what different people thought of as “not safe for work”

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Thanks for procrastination

For the celebrities we’d roast

For the loyal mutuals who reblogged every post

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Thanks for hiatus therapy

For “trying to find them in a crowd”

And for letting us tell the world the things we’d never say aloud

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So I said “thanks for the mammaries”

But what I really meant to say

dictionary poem xxxxi by keaton st. james

I mean, the heroes do, of course they do, kids who want to meet Spiderman or Superman or get to be carried by the Flash as he runs through Central City for just thirty seconds.

Like, the first time it happens, no one actually thinks it’s possible, but one of the newbies volunteers to at least try. They get lucky, the kid wants to meet one of the villains who is well known to have a personal code of ethics (eg one of the rogues), and it takes them weeks to track the villain down to this one bar they’ve been seen at a few times, plus a week of staking out said bar, but they finally find them.

So they approach the villain, very politely introduce themselves and explain the situation, finishing with an assurance that, should the villain agree, no law enforcement or heroes will be informed of the meeting.

The villain, assuming it’s a joke, laughs in their face.

At this point, the poor volunteer, who has giving up weeks of their time and no small amount of effort to track down this villain, all so a sweet little girl can meet the person who somehow inspired them, well, at this point the employee sees red.

They explode, yelling at this villain about the little girl who, for some unknown reason, absolutely loved them, had a hand-made stuffed toy of them and was inspired by their struggle to keeping fighting her own and wasn’t the villain supposed to have ethics? The entire bar is witness to this big bad villain getting scolded by some bookish nobody a foot shorter than them.

When the volunteer is done, the villain calmly knocks back their drink, grips the volunteers shoulder and drags them outside. The bar’s patrons assume that person will never be seen again, the volunteer included. But once they’re outside, the villain apologises for their assumption, asks for the kid’s details so they can drop by in the near future, not saying when for obvious reasons. They also give the very relieved volunteer a phone number to call if someone asks for them again.

A week later, the little girl’s room is covered in villain merchandise, several expensive and clearly stolen gifts and she is happily clutching a stack of signed polaroids of her and the villain.

The next time a kid asks to meet a villain, guess who gets that assignment?

Turns out, the first villain was quite touched by the experience of meeting their little fan, and word has gotten around. The second villain happily agrees when they realise it’s the same volunteer who asked the other guy. Unfortunately, one of the heroes sees the villain entering the kid’s hospital and obviously assumes the worst. They rush in, ready to drag the villain out, but the volunteer stands in their way. The hero spends five minutes getting scolded for trying to stop the villain from actually doing a good thing and almost ruining the kid’s wish. The volunteer gets a reputation among villains as someone who can not only be trusted with personal contact numbers but who will do everything they can to keep law enforcement away during their visits.

The volunteer has a phonebook written in cypher of all the villain’s phone numbers, with asterixes next to the ones to call if any other villains give them trouble.

Heroes: “Can’t you, just, give us their contact details? They’ll never even have to know it was you.”

The Villain Wrangler: “Yeah sure, <rollseyes> because all these evil geniuses could never possibly figure out that it’s me who happens to be the common thread in the sudden mass arrests. Look man, even if it wouldn’t get me killed, it would disappoint the kids. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the kids would you?”

Heroes: “… no~ but…”

The Villain Wrangler: “Exactly.”

Eventually, one of the anti-hero types gets frustrated, and decides to take a stand. They kidnap the Villain Wrangler and demand that they give up the contents of the little black book of Villains, or suffer the consequences. It’s For the Greater Good, the anti-hero insists as they tie the Villain Wrangler to a pillar.

The Villain Wrangler: “You complete idiot, put me back before someone figures out that I’m missing.”

Anti-hero: “…excuse me?”

The Villain Wrangler: “Ugh, do I have to spell this out for you? Do you actually want your secret base to be wiped off the map? With us in it? Sugarsticks, how long has it been? If they get suspicious, they check in, and then if I miss a check-in, they tend to come barging into wherever I am just to prove that they can, even if they figure out that they’re not being threatened by proxy. Suffice to say, Auntie Muriel really regretted throwing my phone into the pool when she strenuously objected to me answering it during family time. If they think for even one moment that I’ve given them up, they won’t hesitate to obliterate both of us from their potential misery. You do know some of the people in my book have like missiles and djinni and elemental forces at their disposal, right?”

Anti-hero: “Wait, what? I thought they trusted you?!”

The Villain Wrangler: “Trust is such a strong word!”

Villain: “Indeed.”

Anti-hero: “Wait, wha-” <slumps over, dart sticking out of neck>

The Villain Wrangler: “Thanks. I thought they were going to hurt me.”

Villain: “You did well. You kept them distracted, and gave us time to follow your signal.” <cuts Villain Wrangler free>

The Villain Wrangler: <rubbing circulation back into limbs> “Yeah well, you know me, I do whatever I have to. So I’ll see you Wednesday at four at St Martha’s? I’ve got an 8yo burns unit patient recovering from her latest batch of skin grafts who could really use a pep talk.”

Villain: “… of course. Yes… I… yes.”

The Villain Wrangler: “I just think you could really reach her, you know?”

Villain: <unconsciously runs fingers over mask> “I… yes, but, what should I say?”

The Villain Wrangler: “Whatever advice you think you could have used the most just after.”

Villain: <hoists Anti-hero over shoulder almost absently> “….yes.”

The Villain Wrangler wasn’t lying to the Anti-hero. They know that the more ruthless villains would not hesitate if they thought for one second that the Anti-hero would betray them.

But this is not the first time the Villain Wrangler has gone to extreme lengths to protect their identities.

Also, imagine one of the kids gets better, and a few years down the line becomes a villain themself, except their crimes are things like smuggling chemo drugs across the border for families that can’t afford treatment, or stealing from corrupt businessmen to make donations to underfunded hospitals (idk this turned into a Leverage AU or something) and every time the heroes encounter her, they’re like “oh no. she’s getting away. curses. welp, nothing we can do.” Though it isn’t that she can’t take them on; bc of course once the villain from way back when found out what she was up to, he started helping/training her. 

“I thought they just hired someone to dress up and pretend to be you,” she says, amazed, when he reveals himself. “I didn’t think they actually got the real you!”

they are fierce with grieving families assuring them that their child will not be forgotten, and they don’t balk at negative emotions, they don’t tell people to be strong or “celebrate their child’s life,” because these parents have every right to their grief and anger

“I swear I am not a bill collector ma’am. It’s just. Well. Ok and I swear I am not a stalker even if this is actually going to be a very creepy phone call, but you said you were going to the mall at four? Is it possible you could reschedule or postpone that trip for about an hour? That mall is way too close to…well. It just wouldn’t be safe. I could wire you some money, and you could go to the much nicer mall one town over? Would that work for you? No? You are calling the police? Yes. Yes that is the sensible thing to do. Definitely do that. You have a nice day, ma’am. Tell Marcus Doctor Evil says hello and to have a nice day.”

And then the poor minion has to call the villain and explain why robbing X bank isn’t a good idea that day. 

“Yes. Hello. Sir? Oh good I caught you before you left the base. Look, Marcus Smithson’s aunt is going to be near the blast radius for that job you have scheduled so-yes. Yes I am aware that rescheduling is going to be a lot of work since most everything is already set up, but….but, sir think about poor Marcus! She’s his favorite aunt, and the woman refused to ‘reorder her life around some crazy mastermind’. ……no…..no, please do not kidnap the aunt, sir. It’s terribly rude. Yes I realize you weren’t going to keep her or doing anything other than drop her off at an alternative location, but, well, citizens frown upon that sort of thing and….yes….Yes, of course. You have a good day, too, sir.”

Penny is an intelligent kid. She catches on to the spying henchmen pretty quick and bribes some of them to her side with snacks. That first confrontation does not go like Lord Dominion expected because Penny has minions (minions that are using his OWN WEAPONS against him, even) 

Lord Dominion is the proudest villain ever, even if he did almost lose an ear thanks to the impeccable aim of a nine year old with a grudge. He does let the laser blast graze him just so he can have a scar to show people because that girl is a villain after his own heart.

He doesn’t want to ask his villain rivals to help her out because that would imply he doesn’t think she’s capable of eventually growing strong enough to kick his ass. Turns out Penny already thought of  that and has mailed letters asking for advice to Lady Sinister, Lord Dominion’s long time, mostly friendly rival. (She mailed a letter to Lord D’s arch nemesis, but man. Heroes are always trying to make you do The Right Thing. Penny doesn’t have time for the high road. Plus, the low road has lasers.)

So I was thinking about the last time I LARPed and there was this character who was part of the archaeologist/anthropologist/Royal Historians group, who claimed to be studying the fashion choices of the deceased evil race we were supposed to be researching.

After game, we found out that that character had been a mole for the secret services people, but none of us had even noticed anything off about them. The player was amused because seriously, who’s gonna go to an island full of necromancy to study fashion?

But honestly? I had lunch at the beginning of the quarter with an anthropologist who studies 1) pole dancing in Japan and 2) cuteness as a concept in humans.

I just got off the phone with a girl who was literally crying because scammers got into her machine and all her immigration papers (with her SSN and everything) were right there on her desktop and may have been accessed/stolen. 

I said scammers, not hackers. Nobody “hacks” into your computer any more. They don’t need to. They will literally call you on the phone and pretend to be IT and ask for access, passwords, whatever and most of the time? You’ll give it to them because you don’t know how the hell your computer works and they’re saying it’ll break if you don’t. 

The scarier a message is, the more likely it is that it’s fake. If you get a call from someone “monitoring” your computer security you are either paying out the ass for that service, or more likely, it’s a scam. 

The government will not call you. Apple will not call you. Microsoft will not call you. They do not give a single fuck whether your computer is infected. Your computer could be patient zero for the fucking black plague of computer viruses and literally no one gives a shit, I promise. 

Also? Your bank will not email you asking you to verify your password, that doesn’t fucking happen, if you’re that worried, call your bank. NOT using the number in the suspicious email. 

I got a call from some scammers saying they could help my computer deal with all its malware and viruses. I listened, cause I was naive and dumb and my computer DID have masses of issues. I gave them £50. My bank even queried it, but they’d told me to expect that so I casually said it was fine. Fortunately, my stepdad got home soon enough to tell me to turn the PC off /right then/, and spent an hour or so removing all the dodgy stuff they’d put on.

You know what was worse? They kept calling me/my family for like a year. They wouldn’t leave me alone.

OKAY SO PEOPLE WANTED TO KNOW SO I DID MY BEST TO REWRITE IT!

(I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE I AM VERY TIRED AND THIS IS A LOT OF TEXT.)

My HC for Dwarf Beards and Gender Presentation

So the first thing you need to know is the average dwarf will have a primary braid and a secondary pair of braids to either side of it.  These two sets of braids denote different things so

Primary Braid

The Primary Braid is the large braid down the center of the beard.  Traditionally there are three recognized genders in Dwarven Society, though they do acknowledge an individual’s desire to express themselves in new ways.  A traditional 3-strand braid denotes male preferred pronouns, a 4-strand braid denotes female preferred pronouns, and a 2-strand twist denotes a non-binary dwarf with gender-neutral pronouns.  These are entirely based on gender expression and not related to sex or genitalia of the dwarf, which is considered a private matter that matters to no one but the dwarf and their mate.

It is possible for a dwarf not to have a primary braid, but this style is considered a time of transition or change in a dwarf’s life, and gender-neutral pronouns should be used until otherwise stated.  Some dwarves cut off their primary braid when moving away from their home so as to reevaluate and reinvent themselves in their new residence, but it is not something all dwarves do.

The majority of dwarves use he/him pronouns outside of all-dwarven societies due to gender stigma against female presenting dwarves by other species, but in an all-dwarven society the mix of genders will be fairly even.

To save timelines I put the rest under the cut, but I talk about more below!

The AC in my house broke last wednesday. I live in Florida and it has been above 90f every day. We are staying with my grandmother but we couldn’t bring our cats. 

It’s going to cost us $1,500 to repair the broken part. Yes we have exhausted all of our options. We also asked my father for help and he said no. I already used all of my commission earnings for another house emergency.

I don’t know what else to do. My spouse and I technically have the money in our savings but since my spouse lost their disability, it is the money that they are living off of right now. We really can’t afford to lose this money. 

We are out of options. We are going to use the money from savings because this is an emergency and we need this fixed as soon as possible but we need to get the money back. So I am opening donations. We are very desperate and tired. 

paypal.me/MichaelaOteri If you would rather commission me, here are my prices. I would love to work with you.

Lettuce Eater. The Sha is a mythical animal associated with the Egyptian god of chaos, Set. Nobody is positive what it’s supposed to be.

And two popular brands that promised SPF 50 were actually only SPF 8.