CAMELOVE

Dishes were collected after an early lunch was eaten. They all moved to help but Gwen quickly dismissed them all away, taking the dishes in what everyone seemed their usual pitching in and doing different things.

Yet she released a sigh as soon as she put down the dishes and was out of earshot of everybody. She loved everyone; Arthur, Merlin, all the younger ones… everybody. But at times, in the secluded confinement of Ealdor, it was hard to find a simple minute alone without ten other people in the same room.

If it took doing dishes or running off into the forest to get a moment of silence and solitude, she was going to take it. She dropped the dishes into the basin filled with water, enjoying the quietness of the water sloshing about. But at the same time, she couldn't deny the faint charter and laughter in the distance still brought comfort.

She made it halfway through before she heard the patter of footsteps grow closer. No voice announced their presence leaving her to wait till she saw the curly head of dark hair beside her. There was a sombre expression with downcasted blue eyes that she wasn't used to seeing, she wanted to open her mouth and ask but ultimately decided not to.

She held out her hand for the dishes but they never came.

"I got it," Mordred grumbled.

"It's alright, I'm already doing them, Mordred."

"I said I got it," He snapped.

She lightly scoffed, taken aback by the sudden outburst that was uncommon from the usually sweet boy. "Someone's in a bit of a mood today," she commented.

He swallowed as he shook his head in regret, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she reassured, "Is there something you wanna talk about?" She turned back to the task at hand while leaving the window open for him to answer. A small sliver desired the quietness of before but was soon drowned out by the rest of her that was worried about him.

"I'm fine…" his words broke in his throat as he ran his hands over his face.

She inwardly grimaced, "What's going on, Mordred?"

He shrugged his shoulders and flopped down on the stool next to her. Shoulders hunched in on himself and clasp hands together between his knees.

She wiped her hands clean as she turned to him. "You can talk to me, I'm not just your queen." The back of her finger came up and brushed lightly against his cheek, earning his attention.

"You won't tell the others?" He asked meekly through shrouded embarrassment.

"Whatever is said, stays between me and you. I won't tell a soul," She promised.

"Not even Arthur?"

She smiled, "not even Arthur, sweetie."

A cock of his lip gave her some reassurance as she once again turned back to the basin. The water like a breeze of wind filled the temporary silence before he spoke with caution.

"I think I like someone."

"Like someone?" She questioned before it clicked what he meant. "Love them, you mean?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "no… yes?." He shook his head, "I don't know." He looked down playing with the hem of his tunic.

"You can like a lot of people, Mordred."

"Well, I like like them, then..." He furrowed his eyebrows, confusion written all over his face at his own words.

She exhaled, her own feelings were one thing to figure out so long ago, flopping back and forth with her in the middle. With the inevitable final decision at the end that she knew she had to make. Though, even if not understood entirely, she had every piece of her feelings. Getting small fragments that Mordred was allowing her to see of his, left her careful for what her next words were gonna be.

"Well," she started, "Does this person know you... like like them?"

"I don't think so."

"Do they like you?" She placed more dishes to the side to dry.

He chuckled dryly, "probably not."

"Don't say that," she chided, "you never know,"

"But I know all too well." He picked his leg up on the edge of the stool and hugged it to his chest.

She thought that it would have been a quick little conversation, but now she felt she was almost making things worse. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to think of something else to say.

"Say something."

"With what courage?" He grumbled.

"You're one of the most courageous men I know, Mordred."

"I'd rather die than say anything." He paused. "I think I would die if I did say anything."

She concealed a sympathetic smile, "I think otherwise, you're a brave young man."

"With a sword, not love," he stated. "Easier to be brave with something you're in control of and you know that's there."

"Mordred..." She lightly murmured his name. Things only tumbled down more and more as the conversation went on. She finished the last dish before drying her hands and giving him her full attention.

"It may be hard, and confusing," she hooked her finger under his chin when he didn't lift his head up. "You may question why over and over again, but the heart wants what it wants. We're more in control of things than you realise."

His eyes darted down in thought before back up to her with a soft nod of his head. Though not convinced, she took it as she ruffled his hair, "help me with these, would you?"

With no refusal, he helped hand her the dishes as she placed them where they belonged.

"When did you know you loved Arthur?" His words caught her off guard with his shy curiosity.

She smiled, "I don't think I can name a single moment."

"Did you always like him?"

"No," she chuckled with a shake of her head, "I hated him actually."

His eyes widened, "You're just lying to make me feel better."

"The Arthur I had known was a pompous, stuck up prince that believed everyone was below him," She explained. "He wasn't much the kind man you met when you were younger and when he knighted you."

"I always seem to hear I'm the exception of affection when it comes to Arthur."

"It's true," she confirmed, "he's very fond of you."

For the first time since he walked into the room, a small smile climbed on his face. The last dish was handed off as she turned back around and began to clean up the area.

"What changed?" He asked to her earlier statement on Arthur.

"I don't think anything changed, really. I discovered my own feelings as I saw the person Arthur truly was. And Arthur… well I suppose he saw he was more than just what his father wanted him to be."

"Were you always sure you loved him?"

She hesitated, "I had… mixed feelings"

His eyebrows furrowed as he cocked his head.

She sighed, "there was Lancelot, once upon a time."

"Lancelot?" He asked in disbelief. The slightest bit of humour and curiosity pulled at his expression with a tugged smile.

"Yes—now I thought we were helping you, not delving into my love life."

His expression stayed as he let the topic drop. The grin that she was glad to see on his face, even if it was at her own expense. Though she almost wished she would have kept the conversation going as his previous problem made itself known again.

She could see his mind wander as a sorrowful look replaced the one of amusement. Down casted eyes were locked on his fidgeting hands before his quiet voice returned.

"What does it feel like, what you and Arthur have?"

"Content, happiness, I'm not entirely sure." She answered, "I just knew and maybe he did too."

He groaned as he pushed himself up from the stool. Circling himself in both his steps and his racing thoughts.

She grimaced, "not helpful?"

"What do I do?" He exclaimed, with hands thrown out before he let them rest back to his sides.

"No one knows what to do with love, sweetie. Just take it a moment at a time." She closed the distance and grabbed his upper arms.

"How do I even know it is love?"

"Love isn't just one colour, it's every hue and shade visible and invisible to us."

"And if there is no colour?" He scarcely asked, almost embarrassed at the revelation.

"That's alright too, Mordred," She brought up her hand and cupped his cheek. "Whatever and however you feel what you feel is right. It's never wrong to be who you are."

"What if I am wrong?"

"Not wrong, Mordred. Just still learning who you are and that is never a bad thing. And no matter what you feel, we'll all still care for you and support you, Okay?" She watched his expression form into a reassuring

He nodded, "Okay."

She pulled him down into a hug, letting him tuck his face into the crook of her neck as she lightly rubbed his upper back.

"Now come on, Go back outside," she pulled back from the hug after a second, "it's a beautiful day."

He turned to leave but stopped in his tracks and turned back towards her. He smiled, "Thank you."

"Of course, Mordred."