C'est nuit...et je suis heureux.

When I first saw the music video for Montero (Call Me By Your Name), I just kept thinking about how I had never seen a music video like it, ESPECIALLY from such a well-known artist. I’ve seen plenty of videos where a man is being sexy, but never in the way that Lil Nas X does it in that video. He sings about riding dick while giving a lap dance. I’m sure there are so many music videos where a male singer does this, but I’ve never seen them because gay men who express their sexuality in that way are usually prevented from becoming household names.

And he is getting a lot of pushback for it. People are saying that he’s trying to indoctrinate children, that he’s pushing an agenda, that he’s part of the ruination of society. Gay men are seen as sex-crazy predators, and so are androgynous men. For him to make this video expressing himself and his sexuality in the way HE wanted to, knowing how people would take it, especially as a black man, and then attaching his real name to it?

It’s trending at #1 on youtube and there’s been a huge positive response to it, but he’s risking a lot by releasing this video. The whole theme of the video is religious persecution, and we’re seeing that exact thing happen to him in real time. He’s being called a sinner, he’s being told he’s going to hell, he’s being told that god doesn’t love him. 

This song and video are resonating with SO MANY people. People who grew up with a religion that teaches that people like them are wrong, with parents who seek to destroy what they do not understand,  who have had a closeted partner who only told them they loved them in private, who told themselves that they would never come out to anyone, with people who have struggled with internalized homophobia. 

Since the world already has their eyes on Lil Nas X, he’s decided to represent himself the way he wants to and tell the stories he wants to tell. From this video to wearing a bright pink leather harness on the red carpet to doing drag on halloween, he is showing everyone that he is not ashamed of who he is and he’s willing to put himself and his career at risk to be that person. By doing this, he’s showing others that people like him exist and it’s ok and it’s good.

When we talk about Lil Nas X, we talk as though this flamboyant gay man is what he set out to show us. But the truth is he was a closeted gay man who wanted to make music, and the same voices that object to him now are the ones who wouldn’t let him exist in their spaces when he was trying to be as accomodating to them as possible.

I watched this as a kid and internalized it for forever

‘Capataz’ = ‘foreman’.