wtf

Everyone needs three hobbies: one to give you carpel tunnel, one to leave you sore and bruised, and one for your distant relatives to insist you monetize

“this reminded me of you” is my favorite thing to hear

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

Maybe if we Ran away with Carly Rae Jepsen in 2015 none of this would have happened

i have a bachelor's degree in bitching and moaning

[me, fumbling a social interaction] oh lovely. another haunting addition to the collection

i try to be chill but my brain writes essays about everything

that’s her. the Task Manager

When will translation guides admit that the English vocative particle is not extinct, but is now “yo” or “hey”

Hey Christmas Tree, hey christmas tree, you’ve got lovely branches vs. O Jude, make it not wicked

Yo, goddess! Sing of the wrath of Achilles!

the bible begins like “Word,”

"okay, SO"

*still uses pinky promises as a legit form of trust*

pretty fucked up that cold drinks get hot while hot drinks get cold.. bitch stay at the temperature i put u at