Growing Up? Who Knows

Cosmic horror story about the protagonist being driven mad by having forbidden knowledge seared into their mind in which it gradually becomes clear that the protagonist is a housecat and the terrible gnosis that renders even their most familiar intimacies alien to them is the ability to do first grade math.

They have difficulty functioning in their daily life because they're constantly seeing maddening patterns beyond mundane perception, but those patterns are merely the product of being able to count higher than three. All forgetting to eat as they obsessively count the pieces of dry kibble in their bowl.

AU where Ilya is an F1 driver, Shane's still a hockey player, and they meet (and hook up) at the Montreal Grand Prix. But they're even more doomed than in canon because not only are they in completely different sports, they're only ever in the same city like once a year. So it would be a really really stupid idea to fall in love, right? And yet...

Has anyone else noticed recently that when you press the 🅐 Button while in the air you can hardly find the strength to do a Double Jump anymore? Go ahead and try if you want, but it won't work.

Nothing's been the same since she... fuck... I'm sorry... since she... since she left this world. If only I'd remembered that holding and releasing the 🅑 Button would've allowed me perform a powerful Spin Attack. If I hadn't forgotten, she might still be here today. Shit... fuck... I can't handle this anymore, I'm sorry.

There's a Save Point over there. They say if you stand on it and press 🅧 you can save your game. But can any of us really be saved? I don't think so. Not after everything we've done.

Press the 🅜 Button to undo the damage from this War. Oh? There's no 🅜 Button on your Controller? Funny that.

stunning and brave and corrupt

I’m gonna write a Yuna Hollander fic where she like literally does not think about Shane even once. It’s just her navigating pickleball league drama and planning her and David’s next vacation to Thailand. Just for balance in the eco system

Sudden realization that the skeins of yarn out on my laundry line to dry are. Phallic in appearance.

It all makes sense now

I really do wish meeting new people when you're autistic didn't result in the person viewing you as secretly evil for at least a month before realizing you just act slightly different than others without ulterior motive. I get that people meet a lot of assholes in life but omg. I didn't do anything

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.

i've said it before and i'll say it again lady gaga has some of the BEST Fucking work done i have ever seen on a celebrity. she looks fresh, awake, renewed, and completely herself, but she's not trying to hold onto her exact 2008 babyface mug either. she looks sophisticated but also really cute and youthful, but also really angular and sleek in a way that makes sense for her face's natural angularity and her age. i would LOVE to get a little snip snip that would do that for me, though being a normal tax bracket human i'm going to just get acquainted with aging instead

Turns out the scheming eunuch's love for you is genuine

so turns out plus size knitters have a habit of modifying patterns that aren't size inclusive because a vast majority of patterns out there just aren't made for big bodies. in other words fat knitters are straight up generally more skilled at the craft

low-key every fat person ever probably has way better fashion sense than they are able to afford/fit on their own bodies

im glad we're in the internet backwaters i think if dove chocolate or something replied to my post i would just keep reporting them for terorism again and again and again