ass machine broke

I have to face the reality that this is the only social media I can thrive on. Every time I have a funny thought now I have to put it on my Instagram story over a selfie of my forehead. Humans weren't meant to live that way. This is the equivalent of writing something in a gas station bathroom and checking what people have added every time you go in to buy taquitos

L + ratio + not special + creep + weirdo + don’t belong here

ratiohead was right there

This is how I feel at my family gatherings as they all glare at me with critical eyes. Honestly I’m going to do heroin on the streets, fuck your traditional family and reputation. Goodbye

Hey man when you got struck by lightning we all saw your skeleton and it.was really effeminate and demure.

Nice t on christ, shows the authenticity

I like how Jesus dots his i with a flower like an 8 year old girl

brb gotta to go splash water on my face in the mens bathroom and look haggardly at myself in the mirror

can you do that somehwhere else i'm changing my baby right here and he is freaking the fuck out

*holds your baby up to the mirror and he rapidly becomes more haggard as my face reverts steadily to an expression of youthful cheer*