I am the alpha. I have always been the alpha.

yes but the experience of occassionally seeing a curated-by-my-homies tiktok vid on my dash is so violently different from the endless stream of scrolling through algorithmic video content. i crave variety. what is my social media experience without walls of text interrupted randomly by videos of ducks and pictures of weird vegan brownies.

#every tiktok that appears on my dash has gone through at minimum 2 layers of human peer review

Most fungi will do your innards a mischief but people still put mushroom on pizza

Some people are just out there foraging in the wilds of the internet because they're the ones who know the difference between chicken-of-the-webs and unalivecap without trying it

using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me

*in a rap battle* i wonder who your mother could have been if she never had you

As someone who's worked service, retail, IT, and corporate.. he's right, it's a lot easier than Panera.

Oh lord you weren’t exaggerating… 😬

Haha cant lie but Ive been snacking on cookies all day

This is why i fuck with you you always keep it real