Bucking Up Since The 90s

"Ohh it's a different sugar than refined sugar" it's the same molecule.

"Ohhh my water filtering apparatus making beauty water and cleaning water and alkaline water" Water is H20. What you're doing is reverse osmosis, and if it's alkaline then there is a substance that's not water in there to make it alkaline. You can't purify water to a pH of 12, because pure water molecules have, by definition of how the pH system works and several phyics rules, a pH of exactly 7.

"Ooohh it has ~different~ sodium atoms." That's called an isotope and sodium isotopes aren't created by magic woowoo, and the magical ability of most isotopes is radioactivity.

"Low toxin" what toxin. Tell me their names. What are they doing. "They are endocrine disruptors" what part of the endocrine system? How? Do you have a source that doesn't try to sell you something?

"Just mix vinegar and baking soda to cleanse all the toxins of your fruits" you just created water molecules and CO2, and some calcium and acetate which don't have much chemical property. That's a science fair vulcano. And doesn't have acidic or alkaline properties to chemically influence anything. Just use tap water at this point. "My wood cutting board soaked in an alkaline solution from baking soda to clear out the toxins leaves a nasty looking soup" yeah because you were dissolving the wood with an alkaline solution. Congratulations.

"There is effective microorganisms in this ceramic bead and it can cleanse your laundry and dishes and prevent mold in your fridge and it works for years" what microorganisms exactly? How did you discover them? What are they eating? Are they resistant to 60 degrees and steam? Do they procreate in the fridge? Are they spreading out on all surfaces to prevent the mold or is it an air filtration system that works without airflow or is it just magic? "Put them in your flowers, they can reverse cavities, put them in your walls" what are they eating in my walls? What kind of microorganisms are they? Did you test the safety of those things in human bodies? Are they native to my biotope? How do they survive in those fucking ceramic beads?

and

"Fandom was always like this" (fighting over stupid shit, insisting there's a "right" way to be a fan, people trying to censor things they didn't like)

2014

It's been two weeks since they last ate dinner together. The last time they did, they got into a stupid argument about something Shane can't even remember and Brian ended up storming out and sleeping at his own place. They met up for a short lunch the next week and made up, but they haven't been able to spend any substantial amount of time alone together since.

Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brian's favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. He's not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that he's trying.

Brian seems to be on the same page, because he shows up with a bouquet of flowers and an apologetic smile. He swoops Shane in for a passionate kiss on the doorstep, sending Shane's heart fluttering.

They sit down to eat and it's nice. Cozy in its familiarity. There's still some tension lingering between them but for the first time in two weeks, Shane feels confident they can work through it.

There's a lull in the conversation and Brian straightens, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"You okay?" Shane asks, reaching for him across the table.

Brian takes his hand, squeezing it gratefully. "I'm fine. Just... thinking."

"About?"

"There's something I've been meaning to bring up," Brian says. "I'm just not sure how to say it."

“What the fuck shane” and he’s maybe a little hard, and Shane is like “I mean it’s really hot. I like it. I just think you’d suck at pulling out” and he’s got a little smirk and Ilya is like woooow. Turns into bickering which turns into play fighting which turns into dry humping- which turns into Shane on his back with his legs slung over Ilya’s hips, Ilya pushing into him bare and slick with lube.

Once he’s all the way inside, mouth panting against Shane’s, Shane stroking his hand through his hair he’s like “make sure you pull out okay?” And Ilya pulls back to catch Shane’s eye and that little gleam he gets in it and oh game on. Ilya is like “of course baby, don’t wanna get you pregnant, metros stand no chance without next season if you’re knocked up” and Shane’s mouth drops open and his cock throbs between them and he lets out a tiny choked sound and oh. Ilya will be investigating that more later.

But it Shane so it’s game on and he swallows and he says “mm only if you can’t control yourself big boy” and Ilya hates how much that turns him on- and then they’re fucking and Shane is squirmy and loud under him, hands all over Ilya’s chest and neck and face and down his back and gripping at his ass and Ilya loooves that he can fuck him like this now, on his back and glued close and not hiding anything between them anymore. Ilyas getting close and his brain is swimming because he won’t prove Shane right- he won’t but fuck it feels so fucking good and Shane is so tight and wet and perfect around him and his cock looks so pretty throbbing and jolting with Ilya’s thrusts and he loves the way Shane shakes around him after he’s cum and Ilya keeps fucking him through it till he fills him and he wants that and he- he can’t he’s going to be good.

And then shane is kissing him, pulling at his hair, scratching at his scalp and saying “m close” Ilya all low and soft and fuck Ilya loves him and only Ilya gets him like this and they both need this so badly- it’s the whole universe, how good this feels. And Ilya needs Shane to feel good, he’s nodding, kissing Shane back the best he can as he fucks him, harder, deeper, presses his legs apart further the leverage down and in the way Shane loves and Shane is whining, throwing his head back and mumbling “Ilya Ilya” and Ilya might die, like this, he thinks one day because it’s too good. It’s already heaven.

“Let go sweetheart” Ilya is mumbling and shane is nodding and he’s slurring out “don’t cum, don’t cum inside remember, you can’ get me pre” and Ilya is fucking him harder then, Shane’s words stuttering until he cums, back bowed and all over his stomach and chest and he’s so fucking tight round Ilya and Ilya is so fucking close. So close. He needs to cum- but he needs to cum inside Shane.

He’s never once had an issue with pulling out, happy to cover tits or face or ass in his cum instead, but Shane is all dazed and shivery and post orgasm gorgeous on his cock and his hands are grabbing soft and open at Ilya’s back and neck, holding him close and Shane loves being full, Ilya knows this, Ilya loves filling him, he stays inside Shane after sex for as long as he can most times and it’s not right it’s not what he wants, to pull out of the warm secure home of Shane’s body, where he belongs, where Shane takes him like it’s devotion. Ilya is shivering, his shoulder wracking as he fucks Shane and his pace is slowed and he tries to force his hips to stay on the out stroke. To pull back- but he can’t, he can’t stop driving in, helpless little fucks of his good because this feels to good, being Shane’s, connected to him, fucking him open, fitting him on him he can’t make himself stop.

Ilya frowns and looks up at Shane and Shane is head back, mouth parted, soft smile as he takes Ilya’s thrusts, his hand on Ilya’s cheek now, thumb rubbing and Shane mumbles after a big content sigh “fuck baby I love your cock” and then Ilya is whining, low and driving into Shane, all the way, sinking his cock so deep it must hurt a bit for Shane, till he has no more space to go and he cums so hard his thigh and lower stomach cramp with it, Shaking as he ruts and pushes up up up into Shane, filling him.

I want that for us. I so want that for us. I want to be the generation that has seen fucking everything and is like a MRSA bug and unfazed and when that Cheeto finally dies, I want us to. Plant the gardens and clean the seas because we can and we want to and we remember some joy, some time of trust even when it got broken and we can say to the 20 somethings "let us show you what we can build, how it can feel."

So we tried to make sure someone called her every day, so she would have some kind of interaction, and one time my spouse asked how she was doing, and her attitude was basically, “Yeah, this happens sometimes.”

Because that was her life. She did live through the depression, she did lose three siblings to the last pandemic. She did live through WWII, and sent a son off to Vietnam, and made a family and a household and a career while knowing one slip of a button might wipe out all life on earth. And she lived through it; she survived.

And so 2020 wasn’t the end of the world, for her. It was just another thing. Because life is made up of sunshine and rainbows and puppy dogs, AND ALSO fascists and violence and rancid millionaires living high while people starve. And when you are in the middle of the shit times, you acknowledge that they’re shit, and also that they are not exclusively shit, because they still include spring days and new flowers and people taking care of each other.

The article that started it all. 🧨

I saw this and immediately had to draw it 😂

Then Marley gets super drunk a couple of months later and guiltily tells Ilya they need to stop having threesomes because he thinks he might be kinda gay and he's not trying to make Ilya uncomfortable. Ilya is thrilled but also kinda put out because it sounds like he wasn't Marley's closet key??

And Marley tells him yes, obviously Ilya is a magnificent looking son of a bitch, but his type in men turns out to be guys who let him push them around a bit. And Ilya's like ohohoh Marley you dog who did you fuck? And Marley (again, drunk off his ass) tells Ilya he's not gonna tell him because he doesn't think Hollander's even out.

Ilya's amusement instantly vanishes because what the hell why would Hollander not tell him about this? Did it happen more than once?? He tries to interrogate Marley but all his drunk ass wants to talk about is how hot Hollzy looked riding him, which is undoubtedly true but not information Ilya cares to know about second hand.

Ilya confronts Shane about this the next time they meet/hook up and Shane very awkwardly goes, "Oh. He told you about that?"

"Yes. He did."

"Sorry," Shane says, then catches himself. "Wait, no I'm not. I didn't know Marleau was out to you, that wasn't my secret to tell. And why do you care anyway, you're also fucking other people?"

"I don't care," Ilya lies, badly. "How did he fuck you?"

He's backing Shane into the kitchen counter and Shane lets him, even though he's pretty annoyed with this line of questioning. "Again, why do you care?"

Ilya's hands encircle Shane's waist, tugging up his shirt to touch bare skin. "He says you rode him."

"Sounds like you already got the play by play," Shane says, even more irritated. Hasn't Marleau ever heard of fucking discretion? Something horrifying occurs to him. "He hasn't been telling other people about it, has he?"

"Just me," Ilya reassures him. He kisses Shane's neck, which annoyingly does a lot to divert his attention to his dick. "He was too drunk to give details, though. You will have to tell me."

"I'm not telling you -" Shane gasps when Ilya bites his neck softly. "Fuck. Not telling you shit."

"Tell me, and I will fuck you exactly like he did."

2012

Sveta is in Boston for the weekend. They don't fuck on Friday because she has a boyfriend; by Saturday morning, this is no longer the case.

"He was pissing me off," Sveta says, sipping on her coffee. "Texting me every forty fucking minutes to make sure I wasn't cheating on him with you."

"It is only natural to be jealous of me," Ilya says humbly.

Sveta gives him an unamused look. "He was being insecure. I don't put up with insecure men."

"There is a lot you don't put up with," Ilya remarks.

"I know my worth."

It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Sveta's good judgment.

Maybe Ilya could use her advice.

"I have a..." Ilya struggles to find the next word. Colleague? Rival? He settles on, "Friend. Jane. Who has a terrible boyfriend. But she refuses to see it."

"Terrible how?" Sveta asks, leaning in. Always eager for gossip, much as she tries to deny it. "Tell me."

Ilya does. It feels a little bit wrong, sharing Hollander's secret with someone who is a stranger to him, but it's not like Sveta is going to put the pieces together. None of the ones Ilya has handed to her fit.

By the time Ilya has told her everything, Sveta's expression has turned stormy.

"What do you think?" Ilya asks.

Sveta purses her lips. "I think I need to hunt Jane's boyfriend for sport."

Vindication! "I told you he was terrible."

"But," Sveta says, "if she doesn't want to see it, she won't."

"How do I make her see it?"

Sveta shrugs helplessly and Ilya groans, slumping against the kitchen counter.

"What the hell did I tell you all this for, then?" he grouses.

"Is he another player?" Sveta asks and for one terrifying moment, Ilya thinks she means Jane. But of course, she doesn't. "If he is, you could break his jaw next time you play. He needs it wired shut, can't eat her out for a few weeks, Jane becomes sexually frustrated and you swoop in and seduce her."

"You are joking," Ilya says flatly. "This is a joke to you?"

Sveta frowns, looking genuinely insulted. "Well, sexual chemistry is important in a relationship!" She takes a long sip of her coffee. "Whatever. You should break his jaw anyway."

Ilya can't argue with that.