Britt@ny

shakespeare really wrote a scene where hamlet says “horatio, you’re the only motherfucker on the planet who can handle me” and then, when horatio gets flustered by the compliment, follows it up with “yeah you’re my best friend but i’d be dtf if you asked… anyway i’ve said too much wanna help me commit treason against my stepdad”

As a Shakespeare professional I can confirm that this is a valid read of these lines.

1 out of 1 self-certified experts AGREE

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

Did you know there’s an outtake from the 2000 Grinch movie where Jim Carrey leans in real close to Jeffrey Tambor’s face and then rips off Tambor’s prosthetic nose with his teeth

God I want him to do this to my clit

I can hear this without sound

THIS IS THE SHIT LOL😂😂

An orc wrote this.

An orc who knows how to treat a lady

@soulless-octopus

i cant even read the news any more and function as a person without being paralyzed by dread. it really feels like the world is going to end in the next decade and im supposed to just have a career and pay taxes

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

well you did ask

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

EATIN’ SOCK

ALWAYS REBLOG THE EATIN’ SOCK

EATIN’ SOCK IM CRYING

<3 The day will never come when I do not reblog this good catte in their rainbow Eatin’ Sock <3

Punk’s not dead. Just exhausted.

Punk needs a blanket. Maybe some chamomile tea.

shhhh. small noises. small baseline solo.

fuck summer i want it to be dark and misty and frigid and october