iris

i could fuck up a yummy rn

No wonder looking in the mirror always felt like someone else looking back at me, even once I liked what I saw. No wonder all my memories felt like somebody else's. No wonder I felt a disconnect from all my past interactions, reading old messages and feeling like I wouldn't type that and yet it's right there and I did. No wonder I couldn't figure out what people saw in me because I felt like just so many masks and yet I wouldn't even know it because the masks thought for themselves and I was buried somewhere inside the mess.

And I didn't even notice until I started pushing through it enough to have a personality. Had the methods to look inwards. Enough to see the system in my head as a person made of other people. So glaringly obvious in retrospect but it lay hidden for 22 yrs. Or whenever we started to be like this. As far back as I can remember.

i look forward to the regression of home cooking from an economic necessity (slash soft requirement for affordable+tasty food) into an extremely optional hobby. pre-made meals (of good quality and variety) and food service becoming less and less of a luxury will be an extremely favorable development for everyone, including weirdos like me who like to cook and eat, because we'll be able to put more energy and investment towards project meals, skill development, and experimentation rather than just, the every day labor of feeding ourselves. Because like, it is quite simply more efficient to have a compensated subset of the labor force focus on feeding everyone else using efficient force-multipliers like resturaunt supply chains, cooking teams, and factory equipment, rather than having everyone feed themselves every day.

i do sometimes get really confused when i remember that stretch marks aren't like widely recognized as extremely attractive. the fact that during periods of growth, skin will form cracks (frequently in the shape of lightning bolts. objectively awesome). their color will vary wildly both with the color of skin, the location, and the lighting and temperature. the texture will persist, an indentation in the skin that can be easily felt. that's like such chuuni shit. im chuuni about this. sorry how could you not be chuuni about this. and textural complexity that reflects on a complex history of a subject is like famously the most awesome thing to feel when feeling anything. we talk up trees for this all the time. one of the most fun things to feel while groping. but noooo you have to be ashamed and feel bad about it. fucked up world.

Cultivate your ability to see the world through stoner eyes even while sober

The light inside an oven is crucial to getting breads to rise. Without the light inside simulating the sun, the bread can't tell which way is up, leaving it twisted and ruined.

if we called mindfulness 'consciousness and attention training' a lot more different kind of people would see the value maybe

THE SENSITIVE TERRORIST: “Are you in the right headspace to receive a bomb that will kill you?”

trans girls are allowed to be annoying and stereotypical and socially inept and hyperactive and hypersexual and various types of animalgirl and there's nothing you can do about it. in fact if you're mean to that skirt go spinny reddit trans girl i'm stealing your entire house

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

relapsed on raising peasant levies