In the bathroom and cascada every time we touch just came on and the girl in the stall next to me was like oh my god this is my song and started peeing harder

Tumblr banned porn to appeal to advertisers only to exclusively host ads for links you wouldn't touch even while wearing full PPE

this wasn't a quote from a real PDF btw I just thought it would be funny to tex this up so it looked like one instead of posting it directly

the next evolution of Tumblr shitposting is looking promising

I really need to eat a guy [remembers how this website gets about cannibalism] in a distinctly non-erotic manner [remembers to fight back against the stigmatization of sexuality] but my cock's rock hard for other reasons.

one time i told a group of lesbian and bi women that i have never watched wicked and they were shocked, gagged, gooped, “but you’re queer. you like pussy. how have you not seen wicked?” yeah. well. i like pussy, not musicals?

why would you like media that is good if you can like media that is bad instead and pace around your room like an insane person thinking about What If It Was Good

when god closes a door i lock it

As an author, I guarantee none of my works are produced with intellegence, artificial or otherwise

i hate a recipe for a dish with "marry me" in the name. fuck off. gives tradwife energy i will not elaborate

making a recipe called "divorce me no prenup" the way you're gonna want at least half

I wasn't ignoring your message I was being elusive and shy like a forest elf

having a hard time focusing today. i've also had a hard time focusing for the previous 15 or so years leading up to now but this post is about today.

you call this place "wall greens" yet its walls... are not green? how very pecuilar...

ah i see now. so "walgreen" was a clan of bandits who conquered various, smaller apothecaries in order to acquire the vast empire they now sit upon. how very cruel, this "america". you are ruled by warlords and do nothing to usurp them?

one time this japanese fujoshi i follow on twitter posted "the bottom should have a bigger dick so that you can watch it bounce while they get fucked and the top should have a smaller dick so that it can go in easier. uke dicks should be big and decorative and seme dicks should be average size and functional" and honestly her mind

Im horny and its yours