Why it's so hard to understand that I handle feelings differently, I experience them more strongly. And sometimes I can't tell you exactly what's wrong because I don't know either
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@bpd-hellfire
Why it's so hard to understand that I handle feelings differently, I experience them more strongly. And sometimes I can't tell you exactly what's wrong because I don't know either

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Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:
"If there's smoke, there's fire"
Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old
Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3
iâm back bitches
i think something a lot of ppl dont understand is that the effects of trauma are not immediate. its not like youâre fine and then the event happens, and then everything falls apart. yeah, that CAN happen, but so often, that is not the narrative i see.Â
depending on the event, you may even brush it off the first time it happens. sometimes its not until it reoccurs that it hits you. because if it happened once, it was only that, your life moves on, but again? whats to stop it from happening a third time? a fourth time?
depending on the event, it may not affect you until someone asks about it days, weeks, months, YEARS later. you push it down and decide not to feel anything about it and maybe you even forget, at least on the surface, but it takes only a word to break the barrier youâve set
depending on the event, you may not even know itâs trauma until years have passed and youâre crying on your bathroom floor. until you meet someone who calls it trauma. until you read someone elses story. until youâre begging your mind to please, please, let life move past that point
depending on the event, you forget entirely. thereâs nothing there. nothing happened. and you live like that until something digs in too deep and the floodgates break.Â
yeah, some of us break down right after it happened. some never go through the dormancy. but god, thats not everyone. im so tired of hearing âbut you were fine!â so WHAT? so what if you were fine? you arent fine now and thats just as real a response as those who are impacted in the direct wake of a trauma. dont let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
adults when you tell them you might be mentally ill be like that's not mental illness everyone does that. my brother in christ you are also mentally ill

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Being diagnosed with âquiet bpdâ is so weird like, I have most symptoms but not all of them. And specifically not the more âobviousâ symptoms I guess. I very rarely feel represented anywhere. The references in shows, films, most social media posts, etc, arenât relatable to me at all. Like yeah I have problems with my all or nothing/black or white perspective, my impulsivity and self destructive tendencies, my extremely low self esteem, abandonment issues, etc. I even have the constant âthis person is terrible and toxic for me and i must leave immediatelyâ and then next minute âive never met anyone better and i want to marry them this afternoonâ. Maybe the difference is I just let it stir around in my head most of the time until I start to drive myself insane, instead of acting on any of it. Maybe its because I have social phobia counteracting it, telling me to be quiet and not draw attention ever. I fucking hate being the centre of attention. When I decided to go to boarding school for my final year, my mum threw a surprise farewell party with some relatives, and I was so uncomfortable and mad (I begged her not to throw me one) I just curled up on a picnic blanket behind my fav cousin and napped, ignoring everyone. It was either that or coming out of my dissociative state and crying in front of everyone. The other thing though is thereâs still SO much stigma around borderline people. Even those with severe symptoms, theyâre still just struggling humans, not fucking monsters like theyâre portrayed. Yet the only time bpd is ever mentioned in the mainstream world, its something like âthis lady fucked her manager for a better position and then faked pregnancy to coerce him into marriage, and then burned his mothers house down when he found out she was lying and dumped herâ. Iâm sick of it. Iâm sick of feeling weird about this diagnosis and I want to accept this part of myself more
is it normal to like, self doubt your disorder? mine's pretty much certain, my psychiatrist said he suspects it's bpd, and my psychologist said he's certain it is but he can't give an "official" diagnosis until next year cause i'm still a minor. but even then I get thoughts like "do i have it or am i faking it for attention" and then i get really anxious/sad about that. but at the same time I know im not faking it and this self doubt is just a product of my bpd, but i get sad anyways like wtf
as much as it sucks ass yeah that seems to be pretty common but i say dude if ur doctor whoâs trained n shit says dude you have it then dude you have it
me: spare interests? spare defining qualities, maâam? a single crumb of personality, just One character trait?
bpd: disgusting. blocked & reported
Mbti is overrated hot girls have professionally diagnosed personalities

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sick of my current problems, might create new ones
gaining a new identity to add to my repertoire is very bpd of me
i am living in your walls.
damn sorry u gotta listen to me teach myself guitar
The truth is, sometimes you will hurt people. Sometimes, you will hurt people, and then life will move on, and you wonât have any way to apologize, or make up for it. But, your past mistakes do not define who you are now. You are allowed to move on without guilt haunting you over things you might have done years ago. You are allowed to come to terms with the things you did that were wrong, to change, and to grow from those experiences; you will never be stuck in one spot if you will yourself to own up to it, pull yourself up, and start again.
remember to cry for help without guilt-tripping. i know it feels like youâve been abandoned and betrayed, but itâs probably not true, and itâs not okay to accuse the people around you of something they might not have done.
âi guess none of you like meâ could be better phrased as âi feel unloved right nowâ
âbut nobody cares anywayâ could be better phrased as âi feel insignificant and i need reassuranceâ
rather than assuming othersâ feelings, give them time to explain them. youâll usually get a much better answer.

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Everyone Has To Like Me Or I Will Die: a novel by yours truly
âwhatâs wrong with you?â bitch what isnât