not all trauma is fast paced or violent. trauma can occur at a slow, insidious pace. donāt gaslight yourself by saying that you werenāt traumatized because it didnāt happen quickly enough. itās still trauma.
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@mental-ch-illness
not all trauma is fast paced or violent. trauma can occur at a slow, insidious pace. donāt gaslight yourself by saying that you werenāt traumatized because it didnāt happen quickly enough. itās still trauma.

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hey sorry for being so snappish earlier i was in a bad mood. and im still in a bad mood so can you fuck off
you are alive on a planet with insects and whales and diatoms and mycelium networks and puppies and your human friends. literally so awesome to be a living thing
emotional flashbacks are like running up a hill but you never make any progress. youāre not even running, youāre feet are glued to the floor. but goddamn are you still trying to fucking run.

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being afraid of conflict is bad. everyone is pretending the best thing you can do is just run away from your problems. that doesnāt work. avoidance isnāt a solution, and i donāt mean you have to be physically in front of the problem. i mean you canāt run away from what youāve been through. when you run through fire, you get burned. itās the same for all trauma.
itās a hard truth i had to accept, but one necessary for healing.
I turn 26 in a week. Iām dreading it. I havenāt had a truly good birthday since I was a teenager. And this certainly wonāt change this year as I am currently experiencing 3 week long periods. The doctors are investigating. As I told them the last time this happened birth control wonāt solve this.
last time they had to remove a mass from my uterus, fortunately everything was cleanly removed, but i was warned of future reoccurrence. this time the imaging was inconclusive because my endometrium was extreme thick, abnormal thick. but whatever.
i was given progesterone. I am taking it. I started my period anyway.
What am I even doing here anymore?
Hi and thank you for your blog! I canāt find the faq page on mobile, I really hope Iām not breaking the rules, if I am just ignore me.
I just came across your post about trauma and being in a healthy relationship, and the part about questioning your feelings for your person is something I relate to a lot (if I understood it correctly). That is, I have never actually been in a relationship, I have avpd and might lean most towards disorganized attachment style, so itās kind of hard to say for sure if this is how I would react. But whenever I meet people I might like, it seems like I tend to automatically switch off my emotions and I completely doubt if I ever felt anything at all or what the point of connecting with other people even is, yet still yearning so much for connection. Itās scary and confusing and I fear Iāll never have a relationship if I donāt change something. In your post you mentioned how you also switch on and off, that it was really hard to maintain balance but that so far itās still working. How are ways you try to maintain balance and stop yourself from switching off emotions or your doubt?
Yes! This is definitely my experience with AVPD. I switch off a lot of emotions and shut down.
My best advice is to just force yourself out there. I wish it was easier, but it isnāt. trust me, I have tried for many years to simply never go out into public and yet still have friends. And it has never worked. I have always been alone, until I started forcing myself to meet people. It is hard and it is scary, but it is necessary. You have to engage with people. Itās scary and I wish it wasnāt.
I donāt have a magic formula to make it easier. I wish I did, but I donāt. What I can do is suggest group therapy. Group therapy gives you a safe place to discuss your fears, while also being in a social setting. It did help me significantly.
(answering the not-media related hyperfixations/special interests) MYTHOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i fuckin LOVE mythology although iām not really sure if itās a special interest or just a hyperfixation lol. though i canāt imagine living my life without it! iāve learned about greek mythology, egyptian mythology, and norse mythology, though i primarily remember things about greek mythology for whatever reason lmao and i plan on learning about lots of other mythologies! :DDDD itās something that can bring me joy and i like to go on spiels about it to my mom (though thatās quite a rare occurrence)! my favorite greek gods are apollo and artemis! apolloās the god of the sun (FUN FACT ABOUT THAT: helios was actually the titan of the sun and light, but the ancient greeks forgot about him [i donāt quite blame them, thereās a LOT of gods to keep track of] and so they decided that apollo was the god of the sun!), music and the arts, plagues/diseases, healing, archery, prophecy, young boys (plus children as a whole i think) and a ton more (that guy had a lot going on for him lmao, i donāt mean the saying, i just meanā¦..he was the god of a lot of things but you should see hermes)! artemis was the goddess of childbirth, young girls (and children as a whole, iām pretty sure), the moon (selene was the titan of the moon! though im not sure if the greeks had forgotten about her), chastity, the wilderness, and a lot more i canāt remember right now. wow, iām writing a lot about this lmao, sorry i guess i got excited or smthing! anyway, have a good day/night/etc! :DD
MYTHOLOGY!!!
i remember when there was that huge explosion in mythology during the popularity of the Percy Jackson series. That probably inspired so many Autistic Awakenings. That moment when you find a thing that basically becomes you.
would furbies count as a media interest? i absolutely love them but everyone is pretty judgmental to me about them due to all of the myths about them recording you or saying swears or being the devil in general
Yes, they absolutely do count!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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turn off ad blocker? in this economy?? i need to save up my energy so i can fucking exist.
Sometimes, you are better off with an unknown future than one filled with pain.
if your therapist talks to you about their sex life, find a new therapist
i hope something good happens to me. i hope something good happens to you too. i hope something good happens to all of us soon
you do kind of have to actively shape how you feel a little bit. you can't just like, passively wait for the world to impress and inspire you. you have to choose to look for it & you have to choose to find it.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
"I CANT HANDLE THIS" *handles this*
"I CANT TAKE ANOTHER DAY" *takes another day*
Actually, you are enough. Even if you donāt work. Or study. Or go out. Or have friends. Or have family. Youāre enough because you exist and your existence is enough to be enough because you are not a product. You are not a sum of output. You are not a task to complete. But because you are something the universe wanted and put here even if youāll never understand why. Somewhere in the cosmos your existence makes a difference, even if itās not the way others existences do.