if it isnât an even number or multiple of five, iâm not fucking having it. only 3 shirts to fold? iâd rather fucking die than debase myself to that level.

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@mental-ch-illness
if it isnât an even number or multiple of five, iâm not fucking having it. only 3 shirts to fold? iâd rather fucking die than debase myself to that level.

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not all trauma is fast paced or violent. trauma can occur at a slow, insidious pace. donât gaslight yourself by saying that you werenât traumatized because it didnât happen quickly enough. itâs still trauma.
hey sorry for being so snappish earlier i was in a bad mood. and im still in a bad mood so can you fuck off
you are alive on a planet with insects and whales and diatoms and mycelium networks and puppies and your human friends. literally so awesome to be a living thing

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emotional flashbacks are like running up a hill but you never make any progress. youâre not even running, youâre feet are glued to the floor. but goddamn are you still trying to fucking run.
being afraid of conflict is bad. everyone is pretending the best thing you can do is just run away from your problems. that doesnât work. avoidance isnât a solution, and i donât mean you have to be physically in front of the problem. i mean you canât run away from what youâve been through. when you run through fire, you get burned. itâs the same for all trauma.
itâs a hard truth i had to accept, but one necessary for healing.
I turn 26 in a week. Iâm dreading it. I havenât had a truly good birthday since I was a teenager. And this certainly wonât change this year as I am currently experiencing 3 week long periods. The doctors are investigating. As I told them the last time this happened birth control wonât solve this.
last time they had to remove a mass from my uterus, fortunately everything was cleanly removed, but i was warned of future reoccurrence. this time the imaging was inconclusive because my endometrium was extreme thick, abnormal thick. but whatever.
i was given progesterone. I am taking it. I started my period anyway.
What am I even doing here anymore?
Hi and thank you for your blog! I canât find the faq page on mobile, I really hope Iâm not breaking the rules, if I am just ignore me.
I just came across your post about trauma and being in a healthy relationship, and the part about questioning your feelings for your person is something I relate to a lot (if I understood it correctly). That is, I have never actually been in a relationship, I have avpd and might lean most towards disorganized attachment style, so itâs kind of hard to say for sure if this is how I would react. But whenever I meet people I might like, it seems like I tend to automatically switch off my emotions and I completely doubt if I ever felt anything at all or what the point of connecting with other people even is, yet still yearning so much for connection. Itâs scary and confusing and I fear Iâll never have a relationship if I donât change something. In your post you mentioned how you also switch on and off, that it was really hard to maintain balance but that so far itâs still working. How are ways you try to maintain balance and stop yourself from switching off emotions or your doubt?
Yes! This is definitely my experience with AVPD. I switch off a lot of emotions and shut down.
My best advice is to just force yourself out there. I wish it was easier, but it isnât. trust me, I have tried for many years to simply never go out into public and yet still have friends. And it has never worked. I have always been alone, until I started forcing myself to meet people. It is hard and it is scary, but it is necessary. You have to engage with people. Itâs scary and I wish it wasnât.
I donât have a magic formula to make it easier. I wish I did, but I donât. What I can do is suggest group therapy. Group therapy gives you a safe place to discuss your fears, while also being in a social setting. It did help me significantly.
(answering the not-media related hyperfixations/special interests) MYTHOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i fuckin LOVE mythology although iâm not really sure if itâs a special interest or just a hyperfixation lol. though i canât imagine living my life without it! iâve learned about greek mythology, egyptian mythology, and norse mythology, though i primarily remember things about greek mythology for whatever reason lmao and i plan on learning about lots of other mythologies! :DDDD itâs something that can bring me joy and i like to go on spiels about it to my mom (though thatâs quite a rare occurrence)! my favorite greek gods are apollo and artemis! apolloâs the god of the sun (FUN FACT ABOUT THAT: helios was actually the titan of the sun and light, but the ancient greeks forgot about him [i donât quite blame them, thereâs a LOT of gods to keep track of] and so they decided that apollo was the god of the sun!), music and the arts, plagues/diseases, healing, archery, prophecy, young boys (plus children as a whole i think) and a ton more (that guy had a lot going on for him lmao, i donât mean the saying, i just meanâŚ..he was the god of a lot of things but you should see hermes)! artemis was the goddess of childbirth, young girls (and children as a whole, iâm pretty sure), the moon (selene was the titan of the moon! though im not sure if the greeks had forgotten about her), chastity, the wilderness, and a lot more i canât remember right now. wow, iâm writing a lot about this lmao, sorry i guess i got excited or smthing! anyway, have a good day/night/etc! :DD
MYTHOLOGY!!!
i remember when there was that huge explosion in mythology during the popularity of the Percy Jackson series. That probably inspired so many Autistic Awakenings. That moment when you find a thing that basically becomes you.

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would furbies count as a media interest? i absolutely love them but everyone is pretty judgmental to me about them due to all of the myths about them recording you or saying swears or being the devil in general
Yes, they absolutely do count!
turn off ad blocker? in this economy?? i need to save up my energy so i can fucking exist.
Sometimes, you are better off with an unknown future than one filled with pain.
if your therapist talks to you about their sex life, find a new therapist
i hope something good happens to me. i hope something good happens to you too. i hope something good happens to all of us soon

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you do kind of have to actively shape how you feel a little bit. you can't just like, passively wait for the world to impress and inspire you. you have to choose to look for it & you have to choose to find it.
"I CANT HANDLE THIS" *handles this*
"I CANT TAKE ANOTHER DAY" *takes another day*