Untitled

tide pod yum 😋

"Uh... like... calendar day?"

"Yes."

"I love how you know so much shit about so much shit but you never remember what day of the week or month it is, and it's like pullin' teeth to try an' get you to so much as look at a calendar."

"It is not usually information that is relevant to me. Although, I will admit, your knowledge in this area and assistance with... time management... has been invaluable.  I do not tend to think in terms of dates and days of the week and other things that are..."

"Relevant to human society and living in things like cities with people?"

"Hmmm... yes."

"Anyway, it's March fifteenth today."

"Ah! Timely."

"Timely for what?

"The Ides of March."

"Ok but what is the Ides of March?"

"March fifteenth, the day, is the Ides of March."

"You realize that don't make a lick more sense than it did at the beginning of this conversation, right?"

"It is a literary reference."

"I thought you said it was March fifteenth, the date."

"It... it is.  There is more to it than that."

"I'm assumin' that since I still ain't got no clue what in the hell we're talkin' about any more."

"Have you ever heard of William Shakespeare?"

"Shake spear? Like... the weapon?  Is that the guy's name?"

"Yes it is his name."

"He's named after wavin' around a pointy stick?"

"It does not matter what he was named after.  He was a famous writer."

"What'd he write?"

"Plays."

"Like... theatre?  Acting?  On stage?"

"Yes.  Mostly very violent and often funny or tragic with... highly convoluted plots and archaic language... which became increasingly difficult to understand the further human language progressed."  

"You mean like how when we find stuff that's pre-Golden Age it's damn near incomprehensible because it's so old they talked real different from how we talk now?"

"Yes. Exactly."

"Ok, so it's very old."

"Yes."

"What's that got to do with the Ides of March?

"There is a play written by Shakespeare which references an extremely old event from the Roman Empire."  

"Roman? The pillar guys with the long drapey clothes?"

"Yes.  You... you know of that?  I would not have thought you would have been familiar enough with written history to have this awareness."

"Heh. First of all I do sometimes read shit but uh... it's more I lived somewhere that had the pillar guys with the drapey clothes like... carved into the stone."  

"You lived in Rome?  Impossible.  You are not that old." 

"I mean... I didn't live when they carved 'em. One of the many places I lived in the Dark Age was ruins... well... everything was ruins in the Dark Age... but those particular ones were super old and had the drapey guys.  I think it was maybe a gallery or something at one point... lots of stuff in glass boxes and display cases... although when I was there we basically took anything that wasn't nailed down and kit-bashed it into something useful."  

"You pilfered a museum."

"Look, when everything's tryin' to kill you, you use whatever you can to survive. We burned the paintings and books for fuel, we used old stone bowls that were probably super priceless and ate outta 'em, I remember findin' arrowheads and stickin' 'em on arrows and shooting them because we needed weapons... Old knives... Whatever we could get our hands on, we took and we used.  I'm sure someone's right pissed about it but I'm still breathin'... and they ain't." 

"I am not criticizing.  I am intrigued.  And yes, the Shakespeare play references the 'pillar guys with the drapey clothes'... the Romans."  

"Ok what does that have to do with... you're gettin' to that..."

"Yes.  The play detailed a political assassination which happened during the Roman Empire."

"Oh well now I'm interested.  How'd they pull it off?"

"A group of senators which... were a bit like the Consensus?  Lesser politicians who formed a group to advise their leader... they murdered the leader, Julius Caesar." 

"Julius Caesar!  I know that guy."

"What?"

"Yeah. He's famous for bein' a dick an' gettin' stabbed by a bunch of people."

"Yes.  The stabbing happened on the Ides of March."

"Wait... What?"

"The date that the stabbing occurred is called the Ides of March."

"Why's it called that?"

"Nobody knows.  Much has been lost to time but current scholarship has concluded William Shakespeare made it up."

"Before or after the guy got stabbed?"

"Long after.  It was a detail in the play, which is, itself, a dramatic re-enactment of the stabbing." 

"Hold up. Is the whole play just a bloodbath?"

"Leading up to it and the aftermath, yes."

"That's disgusting."

"It is considered a great work of Literature."

"And people wonder why I don't read more.  Yikes.  Had enough of that shit during the Dark Age.  Don't need to watch more of it."  

"My understanding was that you inflicted much of it as well."

"Just cuz half the time I was the one doin' the stabbing doesn't mean it was a good time.  Hate that shit."

"The artistic rendition is likely very different from the experience of actually being present during traumatic events."

"Still.  Seen enough of that already.  No thank you.  Messy."

"Well, that is what the Ides of March are.  It is a date Shakespeare made up for his play."

"Ok fine but... Why do we have to beware 'em?"

"Because in the play, on his way to the Senate, Julius Caesar is stopped by a haruspex and warned to beware the Ides of March."

"Haruspex? I thought that was your job." 

"It is one of my titles, and the term I have given to those Guardians who were especially loyal Acolytes during my godhood, yes.  It references divination and foretelling doom."

"So some guy... stops the guy who is about to get stabbed... on his way to his own stabbing... and tells him to beware the Ides of March?"

"In the Shakespeare play, yes."

"Why didn't he just say 'you're gonna get stabbed?'" 

"It probably would have ruined the dramatic tension and given away the plot." 

"Huh.  That's bullshit but I don't know shit about shit when it comes to plays and literature so... whatever." 

"You still haven't explained where you heard it."

"That's the thing.  It don't make any sense. I heard it from the Lucent Hive."

"What?"

"Lucent Hive in Gambit's always yellin' stuff and past few days they started yellin' different stuff."

"That is why you wanted my book on Hive language."

"Yeah. I looked up what they're sayin' and they're sayin' "Beware the Ides of March" as they're tryin' to kill Guardians in my game.  I don't know what in the hell that's supposed to mean."

"I wonder if it is a cultural appropriation."

"A what?"

"Compared to many other human historical dates and remembrances the murder of Julius Caesar is most akin to an enactment of Sword Logic."  

"You think this is them like... reachin' out? Like the Hive version of inviting someone over for Dinner during the Dawning?"

"It might be.  If you think about it, the act of stabbing a leader to death does indeed disprove their right to exist.  It would easily be one of the most understandable human historical celebrations to the Hive."

"So this might be them... tryin' to find common ground with us?  Through... stabbing people?"

"It... might be... You have games running today, correct?"

"Yeah.  Wanna come... talk to 'em?"

"No.  But I should like to observe."  

"Sure... wanna make it a dinner date?  We can get take out.  There's that new place in the Tower with the fish tacos. You'll like the fish tacos. They're delicious."

"I have no idea what that is."

"It's food.  It's good.  Trust."