your mother and i are separating

i love sending people my totaled car as a reaction image it’s so funny

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

before this starts getting notes i have to add that this is not my dog. i dont know how he got in my backyard

someone made a terrible youtube video searching for the source of this dog picture like it's lost media and he on-screen scrolls by a live tumblr link to this post before claiming i deleted my account, pulling up a wayback machine archived page, and then lying about contacting my ex boyfriend for more information

Does not look like it should be alive

an alcoholic beverage that you constantly replenish with identical mixers and alcohol, to the point where you're unsure any of the initial beverage remains. and yet it is fundamentally the same beverage as it was to begin with. the sip of theseus

This is who won the NYC mayoral democratic primary rn

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

thats not how they told it

My cats wanted to fight again and I wasn't letting them but the passion in their eye contact suggests they started fighting telepathically

The thing about Timmy Chalamet is that he’s truly a great actor and he even has good taste in projects and he’s not even overexposed when you calibrate for how overexposed all that group of 25-30 year old big stars are……however something is still off. any time he gets cast in something it feels like that movie instantly turns into a parody of a movie. I cannot explain this

The only acceptable ads should be shit like "groceries on sale" and "free event at the local library"

I don't know why this keeps happening but I keep meeting toxic heterosexual couples who experiment with polyamory and are heavily into funko pops, board games, Disney princesses and Burlesque stripping and the man is always a withdrawn bearded dude and the woman is always a passive aggressive control freak with an Etsy shop that sells lawn gnomes styled after Dr Who characters and they don't really even seem to like each other but they're always exactly the same. this has happened four times

People keep using this post to shit on polyamory and I need to be clear, polyamory is NOT the problem here, the problem here is that I keep running into otherwise chill pop-nerdy couples who need marriage counselling and keep trying to solve their issues by bringing in a third that only one of them is even attracted to to begin with and it kEEPS BECOMING MY PROBLEM

Guy convinced he has the world's only horse

This is the perfect moment for Vine to do the funniest thing possible