big ass, bigger dreams

It seems generally as though, in online “feedist spaces” broadly, there is a real emphasis on finding a kink partner that I haven’t observed as strongly in say, online BDSM spaces. It almost seems to manifest as a kind of pressure being exerted on people who are perceived as “available” to feed or be fed, as it were. I think it’s a natural consequence of having significantly fewer in-person spaces dedicated to mingling (dungeons, bars, munches, play parties, etc) and perhaps because feedists themselves may even be more innately sedentary and therefore more likely to socialize online than in person.

People certainly post nudes, sext, roleplay, and meet play partners online in other kinks, but it’s often in addition to their irl activity. There’s a greater emphasis in other communities on what one might call the “meta” of kink: discussing frameworks like RACK, sharing tips and tricks, etc, that makes up a greater portion of online interaction. Again, it makes sense from the perspective that these circles existed in real life and practiced very community-centric, diy type ethos historically, as well as the fact that if your kink, is, say, sharps or anal, it’s much easier for you to cruise at the gay bar.

for my 2 cents as a feedee, i don't feel anything particularly different about feedist spaces compared to like... any other spaces. irl, i get people looking to date me, and in feedist spaces, i get people looking to feed me. i mean the number of people approaching me is much much higher in feedist spaces, but for the most part the messages i get here are much better and preferable than random people flirting with me in public, because at least they have kinks in common and usually know more about me than just my appearance. i don't feel objectified in a bad way or made uncomfortable when i'm messaged here or on feabie in the same way that i do if someone approaches me irl. my impression is just that being a woman is just Like That, especially in kink spaces where i am embodying exactly what people are looking for when they go to that space (a hot fat woman and feedee). it drives me crazy when i see people say that men who are into feedism are somehow more toxic than men who aren't, because men who violate boundaries, sexualize women in ways they don't want to be, send unsolicited dick pics or really aggressive sexual messages, etc etc etc are just... everywhere? thin women also have to deal with these things??? (there are people of all genders who behave badly in feedist spaces and all other spaces, but lbr, 99% of the complaints i hear about feedism are about straight male feeders)

i'm intrigued that other kinks seem to be less focused on partnering up. do they just... have a really easy time finding partners? do they participate by themselves and don't care about partners? do they fantasize but have no interest in doing their kink irl? do they have success getting their non-kinky partners to try new things? for me, feedism is really boring by myself and being single is also really boring so either way i'd want to find a partner. i know there are gainers who are not interested in being in a feedist relationship, but alas i'm not one of them. i guess i don't understand the point of a kink if there aren't other people involved. if there were irl feedist spaces i could access then i would be going there often because that's a necessity in fully enjoying the kink for me

but i mean like, my own desires have nothing to do with whether or not someone belongs here. if anyone is genuinely mad that someone isn't looking for a relationship here, they have really unhealthy boundaries, although i mean it's also normal for any kind of space to be filled with people with poor boundaries. as long as someone isn't behaving badly, i don't have an objection to them being in feedist spaces. i guess i do feel some sense that other people think i'm obligated to be their feedee because they want a feedee, but it doesn't feel any different from feeling like some men think i'm obligated to be their girlfriend because they want a girlfriend. it's a different coat of paint on the same thing.

that is a fucking insane amount of donuts, theres like 6 people in this room