bookcurses

Saw my recent rock tutorial blow up a bit, wanted to also share this mountain painting tutorial I‘ve made!

intro paragraph: state the position and company you're applying for and that you're interested in the job. your thesis statement is that you would be a good candidate for the job. briefly mention two or three reasons why this is true. you can often crib reasons from the job description

body paragraphs: elaborate on those 2-3 reasons with supporting evidence. try to avoid just repeating information from your resume. i like to include specific feedback from supervisors, clients, instructors, professors, etc. very brief anecdotes sometimes. this is a great spot to include relevant information about yourself that doesn't fit super organically into a resume

conclusion paragraph: wrap it up, say you hope to hear from them soon

But for the rest of us… sometimes people need to make a career pivot, and it’s not immediately obvious to an outside observer why the skills from one job might apply to another. Sometimes they’re coming back from a long absence or are relocating, and a brief line in the cover letter can reassure the hiring manager as to why. Sometimes people have only ever worked one job, or no job, and the cover letter is the ONLY thing that managers have to consider because their resumes are so bare. Sometimes the resume is good, but there are 100 equally good resumes in the inbox and the manager physically cannot interview 100 people, so it’s either pick 10 at random, or pick the 10 that also have good cover letters.

indie ttrpg guy: I am building a "muscle" character this time

There's enough people in the tags who want to play Nobilis to convene a couple games of Nobilis.

And after all, in the words of Jenna Moran:

Nobilis: The Essentials (aka 3rd Edition)

Nobilis: the Game of Sovereign Powers (2002 Edition, aka the Big White Book)

Interior Page:

Exterior Page:

I have had a glimpse into her slush pile, and let me tell you, the contents were unbelievable and immediately disabused me of the notion that reading through submissions is in any way glamorous. People have the nerve to submit unhinged paranoid ramblings, fetish porn, and a seemingly endless supply of poems about masturbation.

I no longer feel like my fiction is somehow an imposition on the people who read it. It may be forgettable, but at least it isn't typeset to look like sperm.

The place has a style sheet. Use it. They say they want your MS in 16.5 point Papyrus italic with 0.8 inch margins all around, guess what you're doing before you send it off? Save As, reformat, send it. In the absence of a specific guide: Courier 12 pt (Times New Roman if you must), double spaced, align left, tab 0.5 at each new paragraph.

Check the word count. Don't submit novellas to 2500 word short story venues. BTW, you format the MS in that old style above because the question isn't literal words. Courier 12pt double spaced gives you 250 words per page for typesetting purposes. 2500 words is 10 ms pages, 5000 is 20 pages, etc.

Don't send your romance to Analog or your war story to Harlequin. If it's a cross-genre story, be sure there's enough of what the publication is focused on to interest them, but breaking through is hard if that's not something they usually do.

That's basically what every single editors' panel at every con I've ever been to has boiled down to. And invariably, someone tries to get up and argue with them, not realizing it's not a discussion.

Bonus tip: Don't be in any way cute in your cover letter. Just the facts/Luke Skywalker's message to Jabba the Hut in ROTJ.

Enclosed/attached is my story <Title> for your publication <Magazine>. It is x (rounded to the nearest 500) words. I can be reached at <email> (that you check regularly and isn't likely to dump things into spam) and <phone>.

(If submitting a hard copy: The manuscript is disposable. A SASE is enclosed for your response./A SASE is included for return of the manuscript and your response.)

Thank you for your consideration.

If submitting a novella length piece or greater, a brief and complete summary is appropriate.

In the midst of an interstellar revolt against an evil galactic Empire, vital weapon plans fall into the hands of a farm boy on the edges of the galaxy. With the help of an aging warrior from the Old Republic, and a smuggler with a dark past and his imposing alien copilot, the four set out to deliver them to the rebel forces but are instead flung into a rescue mission to save the beautiful princess who stole the plans as worlds are destroyed by the might of the Empire's weapon, the Death Star.

Captured by the Death Star on route to deliver the plans, they manage to escape the base with the princess, the old warrior sacrificing himself to make this possible. As the Death Star approaches the rebel base, they use the captured plans to stage a desperate final stand. In a fierce space battle of single-pilot ships over the surface of the moon-sized weapon, the farm boy manages to make the critical shot with an unexpected assist from the smuggler, destroying it.

Never under any circumstance put a cliffhanger into a query letter summary. There is no faster way to get the entire MS binned than doing that.

Happy writing.

PS "Top of the slush pile" means into the top 25% of manuscripts received. Three quarters of the submissions don't take the trouble to do even those three basic steps.

Now, that still means 25/100 submissions or 250/1000 submissions, but it still improves your odds and forms the basis for starting a relationship with the publisher for the next piece you send them.

Also, that emphasis on the submission guidelines (or style sheet) and formatting things EXACTLY the way they requested it? Yeah, that's so that they know at a glance whether you have a brain in your head and can fucking read. Didn't follow the guidelines? They can discard your submission in an instant rather than wasting the two minutes it takes to read your cover letter.

FOLLOW THE SUBMISSION GUIDELINES!!!!! THIS IS STEP ONE OF "PROVING YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL AKA SOMEONE WHO SHOULD BE PAID MONEY FOR THEIR WORK". FOLLOW! THE! SUBMISSION! GUIDELINES!

Wait hang on there's still a couple of you who are not internalizing Follow The Submission Guidelines. I will tell you a story.

Couple years ago, I taught a college course on Writing & Publishing Scifi/Fantasy. Towards the end of the 8-week workshop, I told the class that they were going to learn what it is like to be a literary agent. I asked them to tell me a few things about what their dream novel would be if they were an agent (genre, themes, etc) and then I went and wrote fake a fake query letter for each of them. Then I scraped together a bunch of other query letters from Queryshark, and then I wrote some unhinged ones. Printed them all out, put them in a box, walked into class on the day, said "The first person to find their Dream Client in the slush pile wins Twenty Real Human Dollars." The air in the room suddenly became *FERAL*. RABID. College students will literally kill a man for $20. I dumped the box on the floor, screamed "GO!" and watched them throw themselves into it.

You know what happened? Almost instantaneously they developed a sense of "UGH FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES." They were ruthlessly throwing things aside simply because it did not include a "Dear [your name]," salutation. They were crying, "NO!" when they got a query letter for a short story instead of a novel. When confronted with a pile of garbage with a couple gems in it, they figured out in nanoseconds that the #1 red flag for garbage is "did not follow the submission guidelines."

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Listen very closely

The above is exactly why half of my friends come to me, and cry they're suffering, and I get to bestow my job hunting knowledge on them. I love this shit, it's a game.

For credentials my fastest job hunting time has been 1 week. I searched for 1 week, got an interview, and was hired within a week. My slowest was 1 month, while out of work, while telling ALL my interviewers that I quit my work without notice (I was testing my interviewers to see how shocked they'd get when I'd tell them why, anyone who wasn't shocked I would tell them at the end that I will keep them in mind (not)). My entire average is 2-3 weeks.

Firstly, what you're gunna do is pick a job sector. You're gunna pick a few of these by the end, but for now pick one. Maybe you wanna do bookkeeping, maybe you wanna do something in doggy daycare. Maybe you're a sous chef. Idk! Figure out what abouts you want first. Do not apply to anything yet. You're gunna look at the job description, I've picked out a few for bookkeepers below.

Now what you're gunna do is you're gunna look for "buzz words", or rather words that are gunna appear commonly and indicate the tone for that job. I've highlighted some, but not all in my examples below

Just look at that snout at how similar those descriptions are!

Now that you've got your buzzwords, you're gunna slap those babies into your resume! You see, since your resume is usually read by a computer first, you're gunna trick the computer into giving it to a person. Really what the computer is scanning for is how similar your resume is to the job description. Remember your bullet points, and to keep it short, try to only have 3 to 5 bullet points per job:

- Processed over 500 invoices a day in an efficient and accurate manner

- Curated reports for management review by utilizing available data

- Monitored and recorded over 100 submissions each day increasing accuracy by 50%

These are some great, made up examples I pulled from those buzz words. You might notice I added some numbers into there. That's something you'll wanna try and note for yourself, how much of something you can do, how accurate, how much efficiency you increased, these look GREAT when your resume gets past the computer and is moved in front of a real person.

Now you have your sector-based resume with lots of buzzwords. This is great! Now for the easy part. You're gunna channel your inner "IDGAF" And you're gunna send that to every listing you like on indeed. Filter for "Apply on Indeed" and spam that shit. Sometimes you gotta answer a few extra questions, but if they give me more than 5 quick questions I trash the submission and move on.

Don't waste your time jumping through hoops, streamline it for yourself and use the same methods companies are using. Push MASSIVE amounts of average quality resumes out. The more opportunities taken = the greater the chance of success. For every opportunity taken you've now pitched a chance of success, for every resume you cannot submit because you're piddling around on their stupid website or answering 50 interview questions online, you send out a 0% chance of success.

So go, try this, and see how it works for you.

Some additional things to consider:

- Add random shit in your resume, I added my "Board Game Club" (BDSM group) into my resume for hobbies and discussed how I got my start using sparklines there

- Never underestimate the flair of a little Clipart fleur-de-lis or something on your resume. Never put colored Clipart, but a little floral or swirl design located somewhere nice makes it stand out

- if you don't have a degree that doesn't mean they won't pick you, twice now I've come to a job without a bachelors and being honest that I was only getting an associates before I think of my next steps

- Embellish, do not lie. Jargoning your job description to make it sound cool and professional is GREAT. Do not give me a resume saying you can use CNC machinery when you've only used a 3D printer. Just tell me you know how to program and manage a 3d printer and want to learn CNC machinery.

- Keep. Your. Resume. To. Two. Or. Less. Pages. You don't need EVERY job, only the relevant ones, if your interviewer asks about the gap, tell them what job you had during that time (or if you wanna lie say you were taking college courses and were on a break, you dont need a degree to say you took courses) and that you only wanted to showcase the most relevant ones

Free Harvard courses. Free Courses from Stanford. Free Courses from MIT. Free courses from Yale. Free courses from Princeton.

Free courses on Coursera.

Free Courses on EDx Free Courses on Alison

For paid, there's The Great Courses+/Wonderium. 20$ a month for unlimited courses.

And I also wanted to mention that humanitarian organisations have free courses too, like the Red Cross on international humanitarian law.

“Is there a ghost kissing me right now?” is a metaphysical question, it asks about reality.

“How would I know if a ghost is kissing me right now?” is an epistemological question, it asks about how we acquire knowledge about reality.

“What does it actually mean for a ghost to kiss someone?” is an ontological question, it asks about the nature of reality.

non-academics/people who have no experience with academia: lmao this isn't true, exaggerated for sure