Pharma and Ratchet try a sexy roleplay:
So there's this viral video going around. It's the Elite Trine doing a sexy roleplay where Starscream is a sexy slave at the sexy Seeker Market (which is a common porn RP scenario). Starscream is blindfolded, tied up, and acting his dramatic spark out. Skywarp, who is "buying" him, is wooden, visibly bored, and keeps forgetting his lines.
Anyway, there's this point where Starscream is giving a dramatic monologue about how a Sexy Seeker like him needs a Sexy Master to tame him, and Skywarp suddenly gives a mischievous grin to the camera, turns around, and farts in his face. (This is especially impressive because Transformers can't fart.) At which Starscream breaks character, breaks out of his "bonds", and starts chasing Skywarp around screeching insults, and then Thundercracker emerges from behind the camera, distraught, waving the pages of his screenplay and screaming that they are Ruining His Oeuvre.
So as you can imagine the Autobots find this hysterically funny and are passing the clip around, and Ratchet sees it, and decides to run the idea past Pharma.
Ratchet is very tentative because he's like "Is this a totally inappropriate thing for a non-jet to be into? Am I being offensive to Seekers?" And Pharma is like "Who cares lol, I'm not from Vos, I'm not a Seeker, and those bastards try to blow me out of the sky every time I fly towards a patient, I hope they all die :)". And he confirms that they are a Go for the Sexy Seeker Jet Market.
So they schedule a time and Ratchet turns up, excited and nervous and revved up and Pharma has brought . . . paper and pencils. And is like "Okay Ratchet, sit at the table and let's figure this out."
And Ratchet is thinking "Oh, we're going to go over boundaries and safety and all that, good idea" and sits down, and Pharma is like "Okay, what's your name?" And Ratchet is like "Whuh?" and Pharma enunciates "Your NAME. For the roleplay."
And Ratchet is like "Uh, it'll still be Ratchet, right?" and Pharma is like "Don't be silly. Okay, the name can wait, what's your motivation?" and Ratchet is like "Being . . . horny??" and Pharma is like "Jesus Primus Christ, Ratchet, haven't you ever roleplayed before? Your MOTIVATION! For wanting to buy a jet! A being you will have to feed, house, and do upkeep on! Your character must have a reason, otherwise they'd just go to a prostitute." And Ratchet is like "Pharma, it's just a roleplay!!" And Pharma is like "Exactly, it's a roleplay, in real life you wouldn't buy a jet and I wouldn't find being sold sexy, so we need to invent personas who would find that sexy--" and Ratchet is like "you are overthinking this" and Pharma is like "oh yeah, well I think you're UNDERthinking it!"
At this point Ratchet is reconsidering if any sexy scenario is worth the headache but he has come this far so he's like "Okay Pharma, tell me about your character, show me how it's done" and Pharma is like "I thought you'd never ask" and begins infodumping on his character and his tragic past, having been born into a royal caste but then tricked by an evil vizier named Screamstar, then becoming a mercenary for several million years whereupon his outlier ability started to manifest, but he kept it a secret because he knew it would draw attention of a nearby bandit faction--
And Ratchet is like "so when does he end up at the bazaar" and Pharma is like "Ratchet, please, that doesn't happen until three million years later, be patient" and Ratchet is mentally screaming.
Anyway, Pharma makes a table of random traits and Ratchet rolls some dice to select them and they start the sexy roleplay but as part of his character choice Pharma affects a Tarnish accent and it is absolutely WRETCHED, like imagine a bad Cockney accent, and Ratchet is like "Stop. We absolutely cannot do this if you're going to talk like that" and Pharma is like "But that's how my character SOUNDS!" and then they have to spend another four hours inventing a new character for Pharma.
In the end the Sexy Seeker Jet Market roleplay is extremely short because Ratchet is just fucking EXHAUSTED. But Ratchet, Pharma, Orion Pax, and Deadlock end up starting a weekly tabletop RPG group. Ratchet brought Deadlock in hoping he would scorn the idea and sour Pharma on it, but Deadlock lowkey enjoys it and finds Pharma's fake Tarnish accent hysterically funny, and Ratchet comforts himself with the knowledge that he is keeping Deadlock off the streets, and that's something.
Orion just likes rolling dice.
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