Hello! I'm Jay, I'm an adult, and my pronouns are they/them. You can find me on Ao3 at bluejayblueskies. My fics are tagged under #my fic and fics I've liked are tagged under #fic rec. I bookbind as well, and you can find my binds under #jay's bound books. I have a Ko-Fi here!
Current interests:
- Heated Rivalry
- All for the Game
- Rusty Quill Gaming
Currently writing for:
- Rusty Quill Gaming
- Malevolent
- All for the Game
- Heated Rivalry
Current projects:
- Malevolent Big Bang 2026 (mod)
Past projects:
- Malevolent Fairytale Zine (writer)
- Malevolent Monthly (mod)
- Malevolent Tarot Zine (writer)
- Malevolent Big Bang 2023, 2024, 2025 (mod, writer, artist)
- Bunnies in the Archives (writer)
- Fandom Trumps Hate 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025 (writer, bookbinder)
- Rusty Quill Big Bang 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025 (writer, bookbinder)
- Archival Pride Month (mod, writer)
FAQs
Can I make art/fics/podfics/bookbindings/translations/etc. of your fics?
Yes! I give blanket permission for any and all transformative works based off my writing. If you do, please send it to me so I can love and appreciate it <3
If you want to write a fic based on/inspired by one of mine, please link to the fic in question using Ao3's 'inspired by' feature or, if it's not on Ao3, link back to my fic in some other way.
I really like [xyz] AU that you came up with! Can I make content of it?
Yes--go ahead! You have blanket permission to make art, fic, or any other transformative works of my AUs, and I'd love to see whatever content you create, so feel free to send it to me!
Do you take prompts?
Not at the moment, though I will update here if my inbox opens again for them!
Do you take commissions?
At this time, I don’t take commissions for writing or bookbinding. I am, however, willing to send people my typesetting for fics I’ve already typeset and bound (pending author permission to share those typesets). Just send me a message!
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Sometimes I think about the fact that almost every single person who found out about Shane and Ilya felt the need to ask Shane "him? really? he's the one you want to be with?"
I think about how Ilya has had to make his way through life mostly on his own since he was twelve years old, about the, how he moved to a new country as a teenager and was immediately thrust in front of a camera without knowing the language or how to cope with his newfound fame. I think about the preconceived notions of Russians and how, in the absence of being able to accurately communicate (both because of the language barrier and his repressive upbringing), Ilya decided to or was forced to lean into that stereotype. I think about how soft Ilya allows himself to be with Shane, about how he takes care of him, about how silly and goofy he can be, how he's sometimes just a grown kid, how other times he's the only person who can shut Shane's brain of. I think about how kind he is, how caring, how deeply he feels, how incredibly empathetic he is. I think about how wildly Shane loves him. How there literally never could have been anyone else. I think about how incredibly hurtful it is that no one trusts Shane to make his own decisions about his own fucking life and how much it hurts seeing the coldness the world regards his partner with. I think about Shane getting home and walking straight into Ilya's arms, after having to (once again) justify his love for the best man he's ever known, allowing himself to take comfort in his warm embrace, even when it feels to Shane like he should be the one providing both comfort and shelter.
I think about the surety Shane would feel when thinking to himself, "yes. Him. No one else."
hiiiiii! zay has his copy now so I can post pics!! :D
I don't normally bind my own work, but after zay did an incredible podfic of one of my jayvik fics, I decided to give a go! (and so I could make him a copy too hehe). this is a bind of the podfic of my little seaside post-canon, when it comes my turn to lose you. gorgeous artwork on the CDs is by @moonartjb and @wr0wn. (full pieces, which have and deserve their own posts, are here and here!)
as always, more crafty chatter under the cut! <3
This was such a fun challenge! I knew going in that I wanted a format that would showcase the podfic in a physical way, but I went back and forth on how best to do that. While I was puzzling out possible dimensions, I came across the digibook and went !!!:
From there, it was just a matter of sizing the textblock and case around the CDs, then making paper pockets for each board to house them. For the textblock, I measured the dimensions of a CD and a standard jewel case as a starting point, then found a size I thought would work best. I printed on my usual short-grain letter paper and trimmed twice--once after sewing the signatures, then again after gluing the spine. The finished size of the book is the same height as a jewel case, and a little shorter length-wise:
(comparison photo with another bound podfic by zay hehe)
For the CD pockets, I used cream printer paper and folded them using this tutorial (...don't ask me how many times I had to refold them to get the dimensions exactly right ajsdlfkjs).
All in all, I'm quite happy with this size! I think it strikes a nice balance between book and CD case, and it feels nice and sturdy in the hand, especially with both CDs in there (Disc 1 is chapters 1-4, and Disc 2 is chapters 5-7!)
Another one of my favorite bits of this bind is the window inset! Original photo is by Daniel Gorostieta, which I edited in Affinity Publisher and printed on Epson photo paper. I then layered a sheet of acetate between the boards to give it that reflective window quality, and also to protect the photo paper, which can be vulnerable to scratching and fading if left exposed.
But by far the COOLEST part of this bind was getting to hand it to zay in person!! I've only ever mailed author copies before, so it was amazing getting to meet up and hand him something we'd both worked on together 🥹
And finally, one last credit--the beautiful metal spiral bookmark (which I just had to include in the pics) was a gift to me, literally forged by dear @zillac. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever received, and I can't believe it's mine!! I will treasure it forever <3
Between the artwork, the podfic, meeting zay, and zil's gift (which arrived around the time I was finishing this bind)--gosh! All my books are a mosaic of people and stories I care about, but this one felt extra special 💌
And that's all for today! Once more for the road: you can listen to zay's podfic on ao3, here <3
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first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets. just a few short scenes showing shane's relationship with david and yuna in this au. this isn't what the next part was gonna be but it's what i felt inspired to write. (shoutout to the two anons who asked me about it!)
2007
The first time Shane spends the night at Brian's place, he tells his parents he's staying with a friend.
"Who?" Mom asks.
"Uh, just a guy from school," Shane lies. "Chris. I don't think you've met him."
"Alright, just be back before noon tomorrow."
Shane nods, guilt simmering in his gut at how easily Mom believes him. It's because he's never given her reason to doubt, never gotten in the kind of trouble other guys on the team and in his grade get into on a regular basis.
At least ask me some follow-up questions, Shane wants to shout, but he doesn't. Obviously. He doesn't actually want to be caught in a lie.
They've arranged for Brian to pick him up a couple of blocks away from his house. Shane gets to the pickup spot first and stands there shifting on his feet, hand wrapped so tightly around the strap of his backpack that his fingers go numb. Brian arrives a couple of minutes later, the sight of the familiar white Lexus sending Shane's heart racing.
The night goes.... fine.
It's awkward, because Shane makes it awkward. Brian is patient with him and he holds him after they're finished, stroking his hair and telling him it'll only get better. That part's really nice.
Shane is back home by ten. Dad is in the front yard when he gets there, weeding the flower beds by the windows.
"Morning, kid," he says. "You have a good time with Chris?"
Shane stops short. For a moment he's confused and then he realizes, he was expecting Dad to look at him different. To take one glance at him and know.
Your son is a cocksucker. Can't you tell?
"Oh, yeah," Shane finally says. "Yeah, it was fun."
+
2009
Shane doesn't ever really hang out with girls. Jessica Duvall is a rare exception, because she offered to help him out with some math homework and they got to talking from there.
He thinks if things were different, he might have asked her out. She's sweet and pretty, and the guys rib him about her constantly.
They aren't the only ones.
"She's nice," Mom says casually one afternoon, after Jessica has just left after a study session. "Are you two just friends or...?"
"Mom," Shane warns.
Mom throws up her hands. "Well, I'm sorry. You've never brought a girl home before."
"I didn't bring her home," Shane says. "We were just studying."
"Alright. But if you do get a girlfriend..."
"I'm focused on hockey right now," Shane mutters. His face has gone hot, and he's not sure if it's embarrassment or guilt.
It's worth the secrecy, he reminds himself. To have someone who loves him. Even if he can't bring him home to meet Mom and Dad.
It's worth it.
+
2012
Shane drives down to Ottawa for dinner with his parents a few days after the Metros are knocked out of the playoffs.
"You played a great season," Dad tells him. "We couldn't be prouder."
Not even if I'd won the Stanley Cup? Shane wants to ask. He doesn't. No one was actually expecting Montreal to win, not in the middle of a rebuild, and Shane feels greedy for even thinking it. Just making it to the playoffs in his second season had been a massive accomplishment.
"So what are your plans for the summer?" Mom asks.
Shane grins wryly. "You mean besides all the ad shoots you've booked me for?"
Mom waves her hand. "Besides those, yes."
"Training, obviously." Shane shrugs. "Other than that, it's kinda up in the air. Some of the guys are going on a trip to Mexico, I might join them."
Mom hums. She shoots a look at Dad, who gives Shane an awkward smile.
"Not gonna spend time with anyone... special?" he asks.
Shane looks down at the menu, stomach sinking. He will be spending a lot of time with Brian, actually, once his vacation starts. But Shane can't tell them that.
"Nope."
They drop the subject, thankfully.
+
tag list (let me know in the replies if you want to be added): @quillquiver @mybloodstream-caffeine @tearsofshane @natmoose @knippsblips @myshanela @mariesthename @sage-herbal @hornylittlecoyote @starrrlve @catscatscats0104 @bluest-hyacinth @casualsheepcollection @shashanene @tafkarfanfic @thedragonflylover @livythewidow @kevinssecretplace4546 @moonrise-rebel @shanetism @2014federalbudget @buckitweride @illustriousprophetlillila @chaothur @silverssorrysoul @dandelionsinsunshine @mrv-l-blog @and-come-to-dust @psyche-dahlia @hollos @wannabetonthat @dropbear8118 @shanebug @vogeley @intersemiotic @hollanders-left-tit @toapoet @what-is-life-but-an-empty-void @riversidecacti @sunless-garden @princess-of-fangirls @shadowflame84 @anxietycroissant @poetic-mac-n-cheese @jizzinandsplizzin @shouldveagesago @tamtamwithicecream @darlingsoulbeautifulthoughts @steddieassheg0es @whoneedscanon
As someone who collects a LOT of physical media but doesn’t make a lot of money, I want to share the rule that keeps my wallet from crying out in despair every time I enter a store. I don’t remember who I got this from, but thank you whoever you are because it has been a game-changer when it comes to building a large collection without breaking the bank.
The $1 per hour rule. It’s exactly what it says on the tin. If I’m purchasing physical media, I consider it good value if I can expect to get at least one hour of enjoyment for every dollar I spend on it.
I don’t remember what I spent on BG3, but I know it was a good deal because I’ve logged 600 hours in it. Hades II costs $30, and I was more than happy to pay that because I know I’ll play it for at least 30 hours. When I add books to my library, I almost exclusively buy used books that cost under $5 because 5 hours is a good average estimate for how long it takes me to finish a novel.
Will there be a treat you splurge on every now and then? Of course, but $1 per hour is a good standard to stick to if you want to responsibly build a dragon's hoard of physical media.
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets. this is a continuation of the previous part so please read that first.
MHL Awards, 2014
Shane's mind goes fuzzy at the first touch of Rozanov's lips against his.
It's been racing all night, running through different potential scenarios in Rozanov's penthouse like plays on the ice. Drifting constantly back to Brian, to you should at least try. Reminding himself that he shouldn't feel guilty for wanting Rozanov or for planning to act on it, now that he's been given permission.
Then Rozanov kisses him and it all disappears. Shane doesn't know what he was worrying for, not with Rozanov's tongue licking at the seam of his mouth or his hand on the back of his head, heavy and warm.
Rozanov's other hand grabs his shirt, tugging. Shane goes and they stumble towards the bedroom, lips locked. They're still just kissing and Shane's dizzy with it anyway, already half-hard. Rozanov kisses like he's trying to devour him. Shane kind of wants to let him.
Has he ever been kissed like this? He can't remember.
They reach the bedroom and Shane feels Rozanov stumble for a moment before they both tumble onto the bed, Shane in Rozanov's lap.
His hands land on Shane's thighs, running over them and gently parting them further, shifting Shane in his lap so their hard-ons are pressed together. It's searing hot, even through four layers of fabric, and Shane can't help but grind down.
"Fuck," Rozanov mutters, breath hot on Shane's lips, fingers reaching up to hurriedly undo the buttons of Shane's shirt. "You want this?"
Shane nods, whining when Rozanov pulls his shirt off and buries his face in the crook of his neck, planting a series of wet kisses on overheated skin.
"How long?"
"Years," Shane gasps, hips still moving against Rozanov's. "I - fuck. Years."
He's never even admitted it to himself, how badly he's wanted Ilya Rozanov, in a way he didn't know he could want men who weren't his boyfriend. The words slip easily from his tongue now, the shame that's always accompanied that want a distant memory.
Rozanov groans and then his arm is around Shane, twisting them around and throwing Shane flat on the mattress. His body already blanketing Shane in the next moment, kissing every inch of skin within reach and hands groping roughly at his chest.
Shane's heart is pounding, blood rushing past his ears. He's never been thrown around like this before. Brian's in good shape but he's not strong like Rozanov, his body so big it feels like it dwarfs Shane's even though, logically, Shane knows they're about the same size.
"Can I fuck you?" Rozanov asks.
Shane's cock pulses, wetting his underwear with precum. "Yes. Please."
"So polite," Rozanov coos, giving Shane a quick peck on the lips.
Then he sits up, shrugging his shirt off and throwing it on the ground. He reaches for the zipper of Shane's pants and they finish undressing in a hurry, almost clumsy in their eagerness.
Shane expects Rozanov to start prepping him with the same hurried desperation but he takes his time, kissing a trail down the column of Shane's neck, down to his chest. His mouth closes around one nipple, teeth scraping it, and Shane can't hold back the animal whine that escapes his throat.
His head is spinning, world narrowed down to Rozanov's lips, his hands, his body on top of Shane's. Rozanov grabs his thighs, spreading them none too gently and Shane throws his head back, fingers twisting in the sheets.
He startles when Rozanov pushes his knees against his chest, tongue just barely grazing over Shane's hole before he startles away.
"Wh-what are you doing?" Shane chokes out.
He knows what Rozanov's doing, obviously. It's just - he's only seen it done in porn. He didn't realize it was something people did in real life. Brian's never done it, and Shane's never felt comfortable asking him to.
"Eating you out," Rozanov says, looking confused at Shane's confusion. "What do you mean, what am I doing?"
Shane swallows. "It's just - you don't think it's gross?"
"You're clean, yes?"
Blood rushes to Shane's cheeks. "Yeah, obviously."
"Okay, then what's the problem?" Something passes over Rozanov's face, impossible to read. "You haven't done this?"
Hot embarrassment spears through Shane.
"You will like it," Rozanov promises. "Pretty little hole like this, deserves nice treatment."
"Jesus, Rozanov," Shane laughs.
The laughter dissolves into a gasp as Rozanov dives back between his legs, pressing a wet, messy kiss right on Shane's hole. He licks it languidly, spearing his tongue and pushing inside.
Shane's skin prickles, limbs going fuzzy, cock hard and weeping against his stomach. Rozanov's tongue is so hot and wet, so wriggly, and it's unlike anything Shane's felt. He's enthusiastic, his drool coating Shane's inner thighs, the wet sounds of it echoing in the room much to Shane's embarrassment and arousal.
He doesn't even notice Rozanov has moved his hand until there's a finger pressing against his hole, wet with lube, sinking easily inside. It is quickly joined by a second, twisting, honing in on his prostate with unerring precision.
"So good for me sweetheart," Rozanov mutters, still pumping his fingers inside, fucking Shane with them. "You will take anything I give you, won't you?"
Shane nods mindlessly, moaning when he feels Rozanov's other hand grabbing his ass, spreading him wide open as he adds a third finger. He's watching, Shane realizes deliriously, watching his fingers disappear into Shane's hole over and over again, brushing his prostate on every pass.
He hears Rozanov say something in heated Russian and then he's pulling his fingers out so fast it almost hurts. Shane watches with lidded eyes as he leans over him, reaching for a condom in the bedside drawer. He's so hard it looks painful and so big it makes Shane's jaw ache to look at him. It's gonna be the biggest thing Shane's ever had inside him, the realization sending his head spinning.
Rozanov rolls on the condom. He grabs Shane's legs behind the knees, pushing them back and spreading them, the casual manhandling sending a bolt of heat through Shane's body.
"Okay?" Rozanov asks. His dick is brushing against Shane's inner thigh, the head catching on his rim and pushing just slightly, a merciless tease.
"Okay," Shane says, choking on his next breath when Rozanov starts pushing inside.
He's huge, splitting Shane apart relentlessly, working his way inside in tiny thrusts. It feels like half an eternity until he's all the way in, hips resting against Shane's.
Shane opens his eyes (when did he close them) and sees Rozanov staring down at him, lips slack, face red, looking wrecked already.
"God, Hollander," he pants. "So fucking tight, what are you, a virgin?"
For one delirious moment, Shane wishes he was. That Rozanov could have been the first man to have him like this. Shame rises in his chest in the next moment, threatening to choke him. What the fuck is he thinking?
Rozanov starts moving his hips and Shane's mind goes fuzzy again as his cock hits his prostate. He fucks into Shane in quick, shallow thrusts at first as he loosens up around his cock, going deeper and harder as Shane starts pushing into it, back arching.
He's fucking into Shane properly now, slamming his hips into Shane's so hard it almost hurts. Fucking the breaths out of Shane's chest, an embarrassing litany of soft 'ah ah ah's that Shane can't hold back. Rozanov leans in, nearly folding Shane in half as he kisses him messy and open-mouthed.
"That's it," Rozanov growls, "fucking take it."
And Shane does, and does, pleasure rolling over his body in waves, skin buzzing with it. Rozanov seems to be carving a new space for himself in Shane's body with each powerful thrust, laying claim to him. It's rough, animalistic in a way Shane didn't know sex could be for him.
The orgasm is building at the base of Shane's spine but it still catches him by surprise when it hits, crashing over him, cock spilling untouched between them.
"Are you - ?" Rozanov asks, slowing his thrusts.
Shane wraps his legs around his waist before he can pull out, still riding the aftershock. "Keep going."
Rozanov doesn't need to be told twice, pumping into Shane hard and uncontrolled, chasing his own pleasure now and making use of Shane's body to do it. It's too much, the sensation of his cock hammering Shane's prostate so intense it tips from pleasurable to painful.
Shane loves it.
A few more thrusts and then Rozanov's coming with a choked off groan, fingertips digging into Shane's skin so hard he knows it's gonna bruise.
Rozanov collapses next to him and Shane bites back a whine as his cock slips out, already missing the feeling of being full.
"Fuck," Rozanov sighs. "You have killed me, Hollander. I am dead."
Shane smiles helplessly, rolling over to tuck himself against Rozanov's side. Warmth blooms in his chest when Rozanov's arm settles around him, hand resting on his head and softly petting Shane's hair.
Rozanov hums. "Worth the wait?"
"Yeah," Shane says, and he's too fucked out but he thinks he should feel guilty about how much he means it.
Maybe opening up the relationship wasn't such a bad idea.
+
tag list (let me know in the replies if you want to be added): @quillquiver @mybloodstream-caffeine @tearsofshane @natmoose @knippsblips @myshanela @mariesthename @sage-herbal @hornylittlecoyote @starrrlve @catscatscats0104 @bluest-hyacinth @casualsheepcollection @shashanene @tafkarfanfic @thedragonflylover @livythewidow @kevinssecretplace4546 @moonrise-rebel @shanetism @2014federalbudget @buckitweride @illustriousprophetlillila @chaothur @silverssorrysoul @dandelionsinsunshine @mrv-l-blog @and-come-to-dust @psyche-dahlia @hollos @wannabetonthat @dropbear8118 @shanebug @vogeley @intersemiotic @hollanders-left-tit @toapoet @what-is-life-but-an-empty-void @riversidecacti @sunless-garden @princess-of-fangirls @shadowflame84 @anxietycroissant @poetic-mac-n-cheese @jizzinandsplizzin @shouldveagesago @tamtamwithicecream @darlingsoulbeautifulthoughts @steddieassheg0es @whoneedscanon
So it’s been awhile since I’ve bound anything, but when I read the Cursed Amulet Story by @sunderwight, I was like, I gotta make an actual, physical evil amulet now. Except the evil amulet is also going to be a book. And the book is like a diary by the guy trapped in the amulet.
The book is held in the brass frame (also made by yours truly) by friction; it pops out super easily so you can read it but it’s not going to fall out accidentally.
The typeset fit into exactly one piece of normal 8.5x11 printer paper, and if anyone else wants the file to make their own evil amulet, I’m happy to share.
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Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.
alright I've got to do some quick math to explain attitudes towards AI to my boss.
we're looking to create an AI policy, and when we were talking about this, my boss (older millennial) was genuinely shocked to hear that younger people do not (seem) to view AI positively (a la the recent commencement speakers being booed)
please rb for larger sample size!
Question 1/3
What is your age, and do you feel AI is a net positive or net negative in our lives today?
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