The Lagoon

Yes, I absolutely agree with your point on mainstream socio-cultural behaviors and beliefs resulting in the pressure to meet unrealistic standards or morph ourselves to fit norms. I think the fact that we are sexually dimorphic as a species does play a role in this, too.

However, society demands we take our relatively tame sexual dimorphism and push it to the extreme in either direction depending on your assigned gender at birth.

Women are permitted, and even encouraged to grow their hair out, sometimes even punished for not doing so depending on the community, while men are demanded they keep their hair short, and are even punished for failing to get frequent enough haircuts. This has begun to change in some communities, but not all. It completely ignores the fact that for both males and females, our head hair grows continuously throughout our lives, so long hair is perfectly natural and normal for both genders.

Speaking of hair, women are demanded to shave their legs, armpits, etc, because body hair has been deemed a trait only men are permitted to have, ignoring the fact that body hair is normal, natural, and even beneficial for women to have.

Women are punished by society if they work out and develop a muscular physique, or even if they are naturally muscular, because visible muscle is also a trait that’s been deemed only acceptable for men to have. It’s to the point where some women are afraid to lift anything heavier than 5 pounds because they worry they’ll become “bulky and manly”. Some people even react to muscular women with revulsion, and are often accused of taking steroids even if they’re clearly not. Men, on the other hand, are punished for not having visible muscle, even if they’re perfectly healthy without it. If they have functional muscle but not visible muscle, or their muscle is hidden beneath a healthy layer of fat, they’re pushed to try and “fix” it through extreme diets and exercise regímenes, and in some circles, are even encouraged to take steroids despite the well-documented risks.

Women are pressured to undertake surgeries to “feminize” their face shape by shaving down sharp angles in their jaws and noses, even if the women of their families have had similar face shapes for generations. Men are pressured to do the opposite and “masculinize” their faces by exaggerating sharp angles, either with medical intervention or by exercising the facial muscles.

Tall women are shamed and stigmatized, while short men are similarly shamed and stigmatized, to the point where some men will undergo a painful, lengthy procedure that forces their leg bones to grow. (Side note, I’m 5’4” and have a guy friend who’s shorter than me, but he is legitimately a badass and one of the manliest people I know. Height does not determine how much of a man or woman you can be.)

On top of all of that, we have people online obsessing over every single detail of celebrity photos to “prove” they’re transgender, the “evidence” usually consisting of things that have no real relation to biological sex. I actually saw a video once of a woman analyzing a photo of Zendaya, claiming that Zendaya must be a trans woman because her collarbones were forming a straight line instead of an obtuse angle, which very well may have simply been a matter of posing and camera angle.

My name is Sahar. Like any young woman, I dreamed of a stable and happy life. I was engaged to Mohammad, and together, we dreamed of building a warm little home where we could start our life. We spent years preparing our house, but just before our wedding, everything was destroyed in an instant by the war.

I was faced with a choice: to leave Mohammad in the midst of this chaos or to stand by him and begin our journey together, no matter how difficult it might be. I chose him. We got married, not in the dream wedding I had envisioned, but under the harsh reality of war. Our new home became a fragile tent, offering neither comfort nor security.

After we got married, I received the news that I was pregnant with my daughter, and I live in constant fear for my unborn child. I am terrified of the world she will be born into—a world of poverty, hunger, and bitter cold. We have been displaced from our home more than nine times, carrying with us nothing but the burden of loss and the hope of survival. The house we dreamed of is now rubble, and the tent we live in barely protects us from the rain and cold.How will I protect my daughter? We struggle to find enough food. Basic necessities like milk, blankets, and clothing feel impossibly out of reach. The cost of survival has become unbearable. Every night, I am haunted by the thought: how can I bring her into this world, knowing I cannot keep her safe?

After a long pregnancy filled with pain and fear, after nights without sleep, I finally gave birth to my baby girl. She was born in the middle of bombing, surrounded by destruction and poverty—not in a warm room, not in a safe place. Her first cry mixed with the sound of explosions, as if she was announcing her arrival into a cruel world she never chose.

I gave birth to her with nothing but my heart. I cannot promise her anything. Poverty surrounds us from every side, and the cold reaches her tiny body before night even comes. My baby and I are suffering deeply, not because we ask for much, but because I am unable to provide her with the most basic needs: milk, warmth, and safety.

When I look into her eyes, I feel strength. When I look at my empty hands, I break down in tears. I am a mother trying to save her child from hunger and fear, in a world that has shown no mercy even to the dreams of children.😢🥹

To donate or support us, here is the link 👇🙏

Tonight the explosion in Gaza not only shook the earth, but it shook our hearts.

My family and our tent were damaged by the bombing, and at that moment I felt as if the world had stopped breathing.

We are tired💔

We are tired of pretending that we are fine while everything around us turns to smoke and dust.

Your support, even a little, will alleviate our suffering.

My children and I need your help. Please donate even $10; it would make a difference to me.

This is actually a useful thing to understand how to spell out. What exactly is wrong with puritanical attitudes towards sexuality? TW: Discusses body image issues, suicide, STIs, sexual assault etc

1. It fosters fear, disgust and loathing of our bodies. By hiding the human body as soon as we are born, and treating it as an object of inherent shame: THAT creates trauma. Shame is one of the primary sources of trauma, its the fuel and lets trauma burn. Those raised in nudist societies, and children raised in households where nudity is treated in a neutral and non-sexual tend to have a much more positive relationship with their bodies as adults. This makes complete sense when you think about it. Going through puberty not knowing if your body is "normal" terrifies children in ways that stick with them for life. In fact, most cultures outside of the Unites States aren't as strange about non-sexual nudity actually...and are healthier for it. We can't have body positivity as long as we are literally criminalized for having an uncovered body. 2. It creates fear, shame and disgust about sex. Most people have sex at some point in their lives. No one would be here at all without it. Most people have sexual desires which lie outside their control. When people are ashamed of those desires, it leads to self hatred, and depression and anxiety. This shame is just as traumatic as bodily shame. When sex is normalized, and treated with the same candor as any other hobby: it becomes less apt to traumatize people.

3. Puritanical attitudes towards sex limit sex education. When people are too ashamed to talk about sex, people don't learn about pregnancy, stis, or consent. All of these things can and do kill people when they aren't addressed with an open dialogue.

Sexual shame leads to people too ashamed to buy condoms, to talk to their doctor about birth control, to ask their partner to use protection, to get tested...the negative health impacts of sexual puritanism have a massive negative effect on society.

4. Sexual shame leads to poorer communication in relationships. Ohh if I had a dime for every person i knew who ruined their relationship because they felt too guilty to talk to their partner about their sexual feelings...Not just that, but the general body shame that comes with puritanism blocks people from connecting to one another too. Have you ever avoided getting close to someone because you were ashamed of your body? If not, I guarantee you know someone who has.

5. Misogyny! Puritanical sexual believes hold that women are not capable of sexual agency. That only men should initiate sex. That women should only ever want babies and not pleasure from sex. All of this rolls right into the next one:

6. Victim blaming in sexual assault. When women are the gatekeepers of sex, its easy to blame them when they 'fail' to protect their chastity when someone violates their trust. This isn't something that just effects women: as the same attitudes hold that men are not capable of experiencing sexual assault. The lack of education and discussion about sex in a sex-negative world inherently prevent the open dialogues necessary for creating and maintaining consent culture.

7. Suppression and marginalization of the queer community. If we're too ashamed to talk about sex, we'll be too ashamed to talk about sexuality. Puritans can't accept any deviation from gender norms either. Anything other than sex between a cis man and a cis woman for the purpose of making a baby is a deviant kink, a mental illness, and needs to be wiped out. Its important to point out that many queer people hold puritanical values about sex: believing that they can achieve sex negativity and queer liberation at the same time. However, sex negative movements always rise with censorship and discrimination of queer people...because queer people are inherently considered deviant by the vast majority of sex negative "allies". It's very dangerous to forget this.

8. Censorship of art. Who decides what is sexual and what is not? Its easy to agree that sex needs to be hidden...but it never takes long before the definition of what is "sexual" expands. Even women's breasts are considered sexual in the United States. Its so normal for Americans to think of them that way that women can't feed their children in public. Drag queens face violence for reading at libraries. Books get taken off the shelves. Artists are bullied offline.