Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault, Self-Harm
I just want to get this off my soul right here and now, as it is pretty hard to talk to my sister or my bestfriend and I mean they now about the incident but still.
The last two years were way too hard on my mental health.
It has almost been two years, but two years ago something in was broken.
He just groped me and that was a horrible experience and I sure as hell hate that guy, because he was a friend.
But back then the first person I started to hate was myself. I froze. I could have told him off. I could have done just about anything. But I didn't.
Now I understand things better. I understood it never was my fault. Never will be.
But still the last two years were hard.
There were so many people on my birthday last year. But I felt so alone. I felt so broken. I felt as if I didn't deserve any of that. I didn't deserve happiness.
It was hard to become the person I am now. Because I kinda didn't want to exist anymore.
I still hate that guy. But we are still kind of colleagues. And I hate it.
I always wanted to leave my hometown, i literally annoyed my parents so much, bc I just wanted to leave. I even gone to school on another city.
I think my father understood something was wrong, when I suddenly didn't want to leave my hometown anymore. I just wanted to stay home.
But I mean I am happy now. I started to love myself again. I finally can wear my cloths without feeling like a stranger. I found people who really love me and would protect me no matter what. And I saw who would protect me no matter what.
I mean my that would off the guy if he could. I was and always will be one of his little girls and he would protect me no matter what.
My mother is an other story. She does not now what happend. She has a certain opinion about
SA. She sees the fault in the victim and not the perpetrator.
And I mean I know her opinion, but I don't think I could endure this.
My oldest sister is the best. She would do absolutley anything to protect me and I don't now how I was blessed with such an amazing guardian angle.
My middle sister and I are complicated. She knows about it but I don't know if she has an opinion about this. But she thinks that I'm too naive so I dunno what she thinks.
I am thankful for my best friend. She is such a cutie and helped me so much.
The last two years were pretty hard. But I am proud to say that I survived.