the watery bit when you don't shake the mustard

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Reblog to materialize $250,000 in prev's bank account

my friend keeps sending the groupchat voice notes of her eating bussy and calling it "asmr"..... bro go study for your physics exam 😭

take him and photoshop him

my knight dismissed me as his squire for shrieking “DIVA DOWN!” when he was unhorsed on the battlefield

i was talking to friends who's main view of tumblr is that everything is sexualized on here. and when i said i do see that i also know that the most vocal groups of asexuals are on tumblr. eventually i realized how much of tumblr was de-sexualizing sex. like just saw a post of a gifset of a sexy lady smoking and tying up hands with the reblog text "me putting the little tag back on the bread bag" and so many posts are like that. just saying or talking about some sex shit in a completely neutral non-sexual manner. I was going in loops around my head trying to figure out why it was like this, something about being so used to nudity and sex and that's not shocking or even sexy anymore, until circling back to the fact that tumblr is full of asexuals and maybe the most respectful place of them. it was then a saw a poll (a post I CANNOT find again for the life of me but it was some type of sexuality poll or something) and was shocked by just how many people answering it were asexual, until I remembered this and went. oh. so yes everything on tumblr is sexualized but not even for sexualization's sake or for sexual satisfaction. its for the bit

I make fun of coffee drinkers for being physically addicted to and dependent on badbreath bitterdrink but when i dont have my morning tea i feel like a mentally ill caveman about to do something bad.

you’re all gonna love me for slamming cans of mango monster in the morning

^ the jittering trembler

^ The nefarious anglerfish

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.

PSA: Just a friendly reminder that whenever you start a creative project, you will invariably hit a phase where the Thing™️ appears horrendous and you start asking existential questions. But if you keep working, it invariably passes and starts to resemble something less like the devil’s vomit. Doesn’t matter if it’s art, writing, or what–this happens repeatedly. Carry on.