G'day, I'm Blu! I'm a 25yo bloke from Arrernte country (Mparntwe/Alice specifically) and a professional sniper (see: pest management professional) stuck in the USA for the foreseeable future. I live out of my truck with my dog Misty and my rifle Winnie, and I love camping, survivalism, and the bush.
SHINIGAMI EYES HAS ME MARKED RED BECAUSE I'M NOT QUIETLY INTERSEX. Trans women are women, trans men are men, everyone is valid and I'll beat the shit out of anyone who says different. Trans liberation and intersex liberation go hand-in-hand.
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MINORS: Block the "#blu lewd" and "#nsft" tag OR I WILL BLOCK YOU and do not DM me unless it's to ask to join Blucord. This goes ESPECIALLY if you're 16 or under. Adults on the internet are not your friends, and I am not comfortable speaking with you privately without a third party present.
Indigenous Aussies please block the "#sorrybiz" tag if you choose. This tag will be the trigger tag for when photos are reblogged of deceased Indigenous Australians.
IF I LIKED YOUR ART BUT DIDN'T REBLOG IT—I put art into my queue. Give it a bit and it'll probably reblog!
Sometimes I fall off the face of the earth and disappear for weeks at a time. This is normal and not cause for alarm. I'll be back.
I have a lewd blog, @blu-lewd. Minors DNI of course for that blog.
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cool interaction with the american healthcare system:
i have tachycardia. is it because of POTS or some other condition? no one knows. to get diagnosed for POTS OR to exclude it from diagnosis based on other information, the single most common dysautonomic condition in the world besides like, hayfever, i have gone through something like 10 general practitioners in as many years at my insurance-assigned clinic, who wont diagnose me because they dont have a tilt table on premises. a tilt table is a gigantic, extremely expensive piece of specialized equipment used to tilt patients. i know what youre thinking: "cant they just tilt the patient on a piece of plywood in the parking lot and take their pulse at the same time" and the answer is yes.
i know what else youre thinking: "arent there any other clinically-acceptable ways to diagnose POTS besides a tilt table?" the answer, surprisingly! is yes. NASA, in fact, to check and see if an astronaut got fucked up in space, they just have him lean against a wall for a bit and fiddle around with a heart monitor. this advanced space technology from the 1950s is unknown to American medical science based on the zero acknowledgement of any of the half-dozen times i have suggested it to general physicians
so naturally, instead, i was put on a year+ waiting list to see the only dysautonomia specialist in the city who has a tilt table. this one doctor also doesnt charge $600 cash per appointment (i already saw the $600 guy, he doesn't have a tilt table, but he gave me prescriptions without any diagnosis which means my insurance has been rejecting the prescriptions randomly for years). i still have tachycardia. sometimes i faint when i stand up, or when ive already been standing up. i drop cups and pencils and priceless faberge eggs in humorous ways with cartoon sounds effects because my grip strength randomly gives out. this is a problem because my last remaining option for employment is being an "artist", a type of petit bourgeoisie that owns a printer he can make zines with to sell on Etsy, which requiires a lot of typing and holding pencils and folding etc. they give me a propranolol prescription which helps with the tachycardia but makes my low blood pressure worse and eventually makes half my hair fall out, which is a problem because my other employment option is being visible on cmaera in various ways and also i like having hair. so i quit the propranolol. the tachycardia gets worse. Trump makes it gradually harder and then impossible to order the grey market antioxidant-antiischemic that has been helping with moving blood to the parts of my body that need it (apparently all of them) but isnt available in the usa by prescription or at all, but also isnt illegal to import. this is relevant because the NFL has destroyed anti-ischemic/hypoxic drug research in the country for decades because if people find out taking a 300lbs linebacker directly to the face dozens of times a week is bad for your brain, democracy will collapse. so i was sent to a cardiologist. the cardiologist also doesnt have a tilt table. im still on the dysautonomia clinic waiting list.
POTS is the single most common symptom of long covid. approximately 30% of people who get covid will get long covid for some period of time, or forever. so just on raw math we can expect slightly <30% of the american civilian population to currently, or at some point, have POTS. i find this interesting from a public health quantics perspective.
anyway the cardiologist tests my heart with a stick-on monitor for two weeks and also gives me prescriptions for ivabradine and midodrine, which are rejected by insurance. in the office he does a quick 12-lead ECG and finds right atrial enlargement, a type of heart defect that is common in people with shitty collagen because, duh, your heart gets all stretched out from overuse and being made of wet tissue paper.
the cardiologist doesnt tell me about the atrial enlargement because i guess its around the holidays so you know, understandable. probably busy with his family. the heart defect is usually caused by lifestyle factors i dont have (alcohol, cholesterol, etc), so there's nothing i can do about it. i find out about this heart defect from reading my own test result documents after wondering "hm i havent heard back about my test results i wonder if they found anything". as i do this and find the technician's notes about my shitty heart i think about someone's grandma who doesnt know how to use MyChart not being able to download and read and interpret a PDF and never finding out about her heart defect and then having a heart attack, which i assume happens daily.
i message the cardiologist and say, hello, i see you found a heart defect! great shot kid, dont get cocky. anyway do you think you can try prescribing the ivabradine again with the new diagnoses included so maybe insurance wont reject it. the nurse writes back and says i mean i guess we can try. whats their fax number (this is because insurance doesnt reject a medication to the doctor, they reject it by 1. not filling at the pharmacy and 2. not telling you about it except via paper mail you may or may not receive within several weeks). so the doctor does not have the fax number of insurance. ok. i find the rejection letter by some miracle and send the nurse the fax numbers for both "Grievances" and "Appeals" (two separate departments apparently), but note to her that the medication was rejected weeks ago and they wont honor appeals that occur more than 10 (ten) days after the claim is rejected. i, the patient with no medical billing or medical diagnostic qualifications, advise ****her **** (the cardiac nurse who is handling billing, with a college degree presumably) to skip the appeals fax and just 1. put the diagnoses of "palpitations" and "right atrial enlargement" on my medical file because i assume no one has bothered yet (i didnt say this part) and 2. submit a NEW prescription with the new diagnostics attached. the diagnostics that say "patient has heart condition and need drug to not faw down pls :[".
so she writes me back and says "Dr. Heartguy has decided to send a new prescription with the new diagnoses attached" thats great man im glad you thought of that. thats why youre the nurse and im the cringing pewling little ghoul that crawled into your office after spending 30 minutes (i counted) on hold in your phone tree on the way there because my $50 Uber ride (3 miles) was stuck in traffic. when i got to the front desk i said "Does your phone work?" and the receptionist, who was not busy, nor cradling 5 comically oversized 1960s analog phone receivers with tangled spiral wires while chainsmoking, gave me the ol' shit eyes and said "yes it does". "Oh good," i said politely, taking my phone away from my head and hitting End Call. "I was just on hold with you for half an hour on the way here so I'm glad your phone works." the Google Maps reviews for this clinic are 60%, and for the last ten years, complaints about the shitty receptionist and how the clinic simply does not pick up the phone. multiple reviewers state they had to reschedule heart surgery with another clinic specifically because they couldn't spend another day on hold. interesting! anyway i told the cardiologist about the phone thing and he said "yeah that's why i always see the patients even if the appointment is delayed". in the tones of helplessness usually reserved for someone being held captive by bandits
my tilt table test was negative. so i think we can just write this off as another hysterical white woman pretending to swoon for attention. hit the showers
today i had my running on a treadmill stress test. new, contradictory data points:
cardiovascularly i am performing at a level that is over a decade younger/more physically fit than i should be. ie, i am performing significantly better on a jogging stress test than whatever the baseline normal person my age is (good?). like the nurses gave me the numbers and said they were actually impressed. that seems weird
i had to immediately stop the running phase of the test when they started making me actually jog. fast walking i can do all day. my guess? no compression garments + up and down landing stress = joint subluxation and blood being forced out of the upper body even faster, leading to collapse. this is in line with lifelong experience. i can sprint, vault, do aerial ballet type stuff and hike very well, JOGGING is a killer
ok, so does that mean the average american XX-year-old cant walk briskly on a treadmill for 15 minutes? what is their "normal" here? that doesnt sound right. if you are over 30 and not disabled and can't walk briskly on a treadmill for 15 minutes im worried about you. what if you need to leave somewhere. think about it
the nurses kept saying POTS was already on my chart by the time i arrived. i suspect my cardiologist has done some sneaky shit and made an executive decision to just chart it and do the tests as cleanup, to make sure hes not treating an actual heart disease patient with POTS drugs. he may be "playing ball' so to speak. which is the right move for dysautonomias as long as your check your work so you dont poison anyone
my tile table test last week was sort of a fiasco but i dont feel like writing it all out right now
the sonogram technician who scanned my heart today said the earlier finding of atrial enlargement was probably bullshit, and that findings of enlarged atria are usually bullshit. much to consider
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stop fucking putting in my notes how much you think certain people deserve it.
people who are fucking struggling with suicidal ideation, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO ARE MARGINALIZED, dont need to be thinking about how they must "deserve to die" if they were told to fucking kill themselves.
just stop being ableist pieces of shit and fix your fucking hearts.
i love those little moments where her face lights up because the joy of the joke far outweighs how sick of it she is. like the moment with the star wars music? *chef’s kiss*
Person one: Wow, it's really difficult to get the techs to tell me what the hell these orders are for, and it takes a ton of time to reconcile purchases and charges because our system changes the numbers in a way that makes it hard to search so I have to go back and compare receipts and dates and reverse engineer every order made outside of the procurement department.
Person two: I'm having trouble billing for hardware in the same month we purchase it because we don't bill until the hardware ships and it's hard to get the techs to tell me when things have arrived and the vendors are really inconsistent about when they ship so I have to follow up on every order manually.
Person three: There are a lot of orders coming in so I'm scrambling to keep up with them and it's really hard to pay attention to detail because there's a bunch of stuff going on so I accidentally quoted hardware that doesn't match the client's needs and I don't know how to fix it and stay in the budget I laid out in the quote.
Two of these people are totally nontechnical, and the third is technical but not the proper flavor of insane.
Did you know that Intel has a Core processor line and a Core Ultra processor line and that that if you order a Core 7 170U Processor it will have much worse performance than a Core Ultra 7 220H processor but when you're looking at most sellers online the only difference between those two is one word that's pretty easy to skip past when you're pressed for time?
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I remember one time I got INSANELY high off of edibles while playing Among Us, and it quickly became apparent to the other players online. I forget how honestly but literally anything "sus" I did was ignored by everyone because I was so fucking high. I tested this theory by standing in front of a body and the person that actually reported it didn't even mention me. The funniest part was when I was trying to do wires, I kept fucking up over and over again, so I was just standing in front of wires for actual minutes trying to figure it out. A small crowd of players gathered around me to watch and would get mad every time someone reported a body or emergency meeting because "she's never going to get her tasks done if you keep interrupting them." I don't think anyone cared about winning at that point, they just wanted to see the high crew mate succeed in her tasks.
men will do literally anything other than engaging in pro-social community-oriented behavior and then get online and complain about how masculinity is vilified and men aren't allowed to be heroes anymore
"all men really want is to feel like the hero" okay then volunteer at a food bank. get narcan training. step in when a woman is being harassed on the street. help out an elderly neighbor with shopping or home repairs. learn how to safely de-escalate fights. help your friends move. join or start your workplace union. become a big brother or volunteer coach for kids' sports. clean up your local park or get involved in some local conservation campaign. do your own damn dishes. notice what needs to be done and then do it. the world doesn't need heroes, it needs helpers. there are literally so many paths to finding a sense of self-respect and worth through pro-social behaviors that improve your immediate local community and help build your network of close personal connections. but these guys don't give a shit about actually contributing anything to the world. they just want to whine and fantasize.
their inherent lack of self-respect is belied not only by the fact that they can't imagine doing anything that contributes to building a better, more resilient society, but how they can't imagine that doing so might involve a lot of small acts and choices and not one big act of heroism that gets them on the news as Big Man Of The Year.
Pretty good, really depends on the diet of the bear though. Urban bear meat tastes like shit cuz they're rummaging through rubbish. Remote bear meat is delicious especially with the more fruits they eat.
I'm a medium rare guy tho so bear does unfortunately lose a point on account of trich.
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“I remember an incident from my own childhood, when a very close friend of mine and I, we were walking down the street. We were discussing whether God existed. And she said he did not. And I said he did. But then she said she had proof. She said, ‘I had been praying for two years for blue eyes, and he never gave me any.’ So, I just remember turning around and looking at her. She was very, very Black. And she was very, very, very, very beautiful. How painful. Can you imagine that kind of pain? About that, about color? So, I wanted to say you know, this kind of racism hurts. This is not lynchings, and murders, and drownings. This is interior pain. So deep. For an 11 year-old girl to believe that if she only had some characteristic of the white world, she would be okay. [Black girls] surrendered completely to the master narrative. I mean the whole notion of what is ugliness, what is worthlessness. She got it from her family, she got it from school, she got it from the movies — she got it everywhere; it’s white male life. The master narrative is whatever ideological script that is being imposed by the people in authority on everybody else. The master fiction, history, it has a certain point of view. So, when these little girls see that the most prized gift that they can get at Christmastime is this little white doll, that’s the master narrative speaking: “This is beautiful. This is lovely, and you’re not it.”
Toni Morrison on what inspired her to write her first novel, The Bluest Eye.
