im still on my bullshit

…Until he wakes up on the Hail Mary, that is. Until he sees the dead bodies and remembers that they were close friends to him; he remembers it before he remembers their names. He breaks down over it. He is too out of it to remember the masks he was using to protect himself from the heartbreak of befriending someone who is going to die soon. He remembers the truth, though.

Do you know that there is exactly one time when Grace-from-the-past refers to anyone from the project as “friends”? Do you know that it happens when he is actively breaking down about DuBois and Shapiro’s deaths? He does call them friends then. They are not here anymore to hear it.

Then the memories start to return, and he is… confused. He waits for a moment when this friendship started to grow, and he just. can’t remember any. Colleagues, it’s always colleagues; the past him never thinks of them as friends. The past him is pretty sure they only kinda like him because he is always close to Stratt and the contrast makes him seem friendly. The past him refuses to acknowledge any closeness. 

…When he realizes that he, consciously or not, denied himself this human connection for years only to fall into it anyway and face the heartbreak he was hiding from, it’s already too late.

It doesn't even have to be actual danger (not to Grace, at least). It can be the little ocean inside the dome on Erid. It can be a very angry Rocky who just learned that Simon tried to attack Grace when he just woke up. It can be Armando too eager to do some kind of an unwanted medical procedure and waving its arms around a little too wildly. Doesn't matter.

What matters is, this is the first time (except for maybe his early childhood) when Simon is physically shielded by someone else. When he is pushed away from danger, not towards it. When someone actively puts themselves in (what is perceived as) harm's way to prevent him from being hurt.

...and then proceeds to spend the whole chapter being grumpy about gravity, of all things.

Rocky is ecstatic.

"Grace watched Rocky sleep, question? Even though we were apart??"

I’ve just been thinking about all the ways Grace and Rocky would try to cook up taumoeba on their way to erid!

Contact established with the Iron Lung.

Is he deadass, question?