One of my favourite bits of Grace's characterizations in the book is his Very Conscious Efforts to fight against zero g to make his silly lil gestures. Look at him. He's pouting, darn it!
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Simon and Rocky would absolutely gang up on Grace about fire safety, by the way. Rocky has anxiety about oxygen/burning after, you know, his organs caught fire (the book version), and I bet those flames in that tiny ass submarine is a pretty significant part of Simon's nightmares. Grace is not allowed to leave flammable objects anywhere near the wiring, and Simon triple-checks all the lab equipment that can heat things even a little bit. Rocky is happy he has finally found someone who takes fire concerns as seriously as he does. Grace is in hell.
Speaking of Grace mistaking Simon for an alien, do we have a fic or something where Grace cuts into the submarine, finds out that it's filled with blood, figures that this is essential for this alien's survival and replicates the "atmosphere" to the best of his abilities (using some kind of a xenonite fish tank made by Rocky, probably; a closed one because he needs to maintain the temperature inside)? Simon can actually breathe in the liquid because mutations, but is terrified (and very, very angry) when he wakes up and thinks that he is still in the ocean and/or is being experimented on by C.O.I.? Is this anything?..
Do we think that Grace, a canonical trekkie, had a moment of staring at (moderately mutated) Simon like "holy moly the goofy human-with-some-makeup aliens from Star Trek TOS are real". Because it feels like the exact type of silly thought he'd have in the moment of stress like dragging an unconscious man out of a blood-filled submarine. Just saying.
...okay, yeah, I fell into the PHM rabbit hole hard enough to write something. We'll get back to our sad french men soon, but for now — a little "what if" I've been thinking about since I read the book for the first time. Here you go.
Falling Asleep
Grace & Rocky, T
I’ll figure something out. Something else. I have the best lab in the world (or, well, the best lab ever made on Earth), I have all the reference materials a guy could want, I am smart and I have a very smart friend who is very dedicated to keeping me alive. I’ll be alright. I’ll find a way. I’ll—
“If you awake,” Rocky says suddenly, startling me again. “You say ‘if you awake’. There is another option, question?”
…Have I mentioned that he is very smart?
Sometimes it’s not a good thing!
Or: going into coma on the way to Erid might be Grace's best shot at survival. No one on the ship likes the idea.
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I can appreciate the classroom scene in the movie as a tool to show how uncertain Grace is in the beginning (like, he tries to pass the question about the Petrova line, he tries to deflect, he tries to somewhat downplay the issue), but omg I love that scene in the book so much more. My guy doesn't hesitate for a MOMENT. He starts explaining right away. He uses the language that is understandable to the kids, yes, but he doesn't try to hide the significance of what's happening. He explains the scary stuff, none of that "I'm not sure it should come from me and not from your parents" bullshit. He wants to smack the parents with a nickels-filled sock for not explaining this to their children in the first place, actually. He only stops himself when he starts going into the "social order will break down" territory that is, yeah, too scary and obscure for the preteens.
I can't emphasize enough how important it is to have a teacher like that. The kids need the honesty.
I find it so strange that Stratt's "yeah, after the launch I'll end up in prison until the end of my life, no big deal" wasn't included in the movie. Like, Grace does ask her what her plans are for the next twenty years. Why isn't the answer there. It's great that she has a prison tattoo when she gets the beatles, it's great that we have the director's confirmation that she was in prison and escaped (?), but. a) it's very much Not Obvious if you just watch the movie and don't know what prison tattoos look like. b) I feel like this is such a significant part of her character? her being absolutely ready to sacrifice it all and knowing from the start what the price of saving the world will be? it hits so hard in the book, along with the "oh, I will [go to hell]. you three are going to Tau Ceti, the rest of us are going to hell". Why wasn't it there. Give me the woman who is readily and willingly tying herself to those trolley tracks and refuses to see that as a big sacrifice or be pitied about it. I love her so much.
I don't even ship bloodymary (and everything I know about Iron Lung I know against my will), but please tell me you guys have a fic or something where Simon (who was found by the Hail Mary some time ago and had the time to somewhat overcome The Trauma) has to drag Grace into the Eridian space elevator. It would be so funny and/or cute.
Grace: no. nope. you know what, you go ahead, i'm good. i think i'll just. live the rest of my life here on the hail mary. it's fine. you can visit. i'm—
Simon, who is really looking forward to seeing an actual planet: *picks him up and carries him inside and doesn't let go until they are on the surface, letting grace have his little panic attack on the way down*
(yes, grace clings to him the whole time because he needs something stable to combat the sensation of falling. simon doesn't mind.)
Book!Rocky seems to be pretty insecure, considering his "I'm not smart science eridian" and general inability to accept a compliment; I'd argue he internalized his failures to catch/study astrophage as "I'm a faliure" (and also probably had impostor syndrome to begin with). So... do we think he ever had a moment (or more than a moment) of "oh shit, this human might decide I'm not smart enough for this, he'll totally ditch me when he finds out and I'll be all alone again"?..
"Why did Stratt pick a school teacher" — because my guy can frankenstein Venus out of plywood, some duct tape and a dream. "I'm not qualified" — buddy, you have scientific background and the resourcefulness of someone who is used to having zero budget. I love this specific part of the plot that is "let's take the guy who can problem-solve things with zero money and give him unlimited budget and see what happens".
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Speaking of Rocky's "again confirm: no oxygen", the way he constantly needs verbal confirmations makes me so sad in the context of him being alone for 46 years. It's probably partially an Eridian thing, with them being dependent on sound. It's also definitely a trauma response. The way he asks Grace multiple times throughout the book if Grace is going to watch him sleep? Even when they are definitely at the point where it should be an unspoken agreement? He needs to be sure. He needs someone to tell him that it's okay. He needs someone to talk to him so that he knows that he is not alone.
He is probably so happy that Grace is yapping constantly (and making noises in general, humans are loud, but I think there's the factor of speaking being a conscious thing you're doing when you are awake and alive that comforts him too). The most grateful audience ever.
This moment makes me Unwell. Imagine being traumatized by oxygen. As in, the thing your friend actively needs in order to live. It is highly flammable and very dangerous, you experienced how dangerous it is, and it is everywhere on this ship. There might be a leak at any moment and everything will explode and you will die and your friend will die and your worlds will die and—!!
Imagine how paranoid Rocky was during the first few days after the Adrian incident. Imagine how many times he inspected the ship to make sure that nothing is going to explode. Imagine how frustrated he was because he is restricted by his ball and his tunnels and he can't actually interact with the ship and Grace just doesn't understand the danger (and is not that good at fixing things anyway).
Even worse, imagine Grace needing an oxygen mask after the "fishing trip" (or for whatever reason during the journey). This is much more concentrated amount of this dangerous dangerous dangerous thing. And it's actively keeping your friend alive. And it's terrifying.
This rock needs so many hugs (or whatever counts as the eridian equivalent of hugs), I'm not even joking.
Rocky not understanding the concept of nightmares.
Grace has nightmares every night, including the first time he sleeps in the tunnel under Rocky's watch. He tosses and turns in his sleep, he mumbles, he cries, he begs; his brain doesn't remember his last conscious moments on Earth, but his body does.
He doesn't remember having the nightmares. He knows he wakes up feeling like shit, but that's about it; not a big deal.
When in the morning Rocky asks him why he is so noisy, he assumes that he was snoring. "It's a human thing, we can be pretty loud when we sleep. It's not very polite to point it out."
Rocky accepts it; why wouldn't he? It's a human thing!
(Later, when Rocky gets aquainted with human noises enough to recognise Grace's sounds as distress, he concludes that sleeping must suck for humans. This explains why Grace always tries to stay up as long as possible and needs to be reminded to go to bed, actually. Such weird species; they really should watch each other better if this is the norm for them!)
...It's only when they start their journey to Erid, when Grace feels safe again sleeping under Rocky's watch after those couple of months of separation, when he is more or less at peace with the memories and the past, when he is filled with joy of saving Erid and Earth and his friend, when he starts to believe that he'll actually get to live — it's only then Rocky sees him sleeping peacefully through the whole night for the first time.
Rocky freaks out.
He waits for Grace to enter the loud stage of his sleep, and Grace just. doesn't. He doesn't move, his breathing is slow, his heartbeat is steady. Looks peaceful, but this is Wrong, right?? Is he dying? He is dying, isn't he???
He ends up waking Grace up, utterly terrified. After a lot of confusion Grace realizes the misunderstanding and feels Bad about it.
Rocky feels worse. He was supposed to watch over him! He was supposed to protect! And he missed this!! At least let Rocky know how to prevent this in the future. You slept peacefully just now, what changed. Rocky fix and make sure the nightmares don't happen again. Explain Right Now.
Grace, who fell asleep on the floor curled up around Rocky's ball and is not yet ready to admit out loud that the peacefulness was probably due to the close proximity to someone who cares about him: "uhhhh your ball is pretty warm? humans tend to have more nightmares when we are cold, so it's probably that".
He is never allowed to sleep on his own ever again.
By the way, we all agree that if Grace did have a dog, Stratt would have adopted it after sending Grace into space, right. Like, this woman wouldn't have let anyone else do it. She would have cared about it better than she cared about herself, (platonic) dead wife style.
I'm assuming that Grace's voice sounds pretty monotone to an Eridian. So... do we think they kinda always interpret everything he says as Very Serious (unless they know him well, I guess, but I think even Rocky's first instinctive reaction for the first few years would still be "oh shit, I need to lock in")? No wonder they are willing to make anything for him in the epilogue, the whole savior-of-the-stars thing aside.
Grace: hey, no pressure, don't bother if it's too much trouble, but it'd be pretty cool if you made me a wristwatch?
Eridians: oh. oh, this is a Life-And-Death Situation. we need to get to work NOW or everything will DIE.
Grace, completely oblivious: you're so kind, thanks guys :D
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This moment is so dear to me I want to cry. First of, Grace is so gentle with him? Something something kindness literally saves the world (two worlds, in this case). Also, you just KNOW that Grace is that teacher in whose classroom the kids go to cry when they feel like the whole world has turned against them.
But secondly, "I'm a science human"! Because yeah. None of them is the other's weird alien dog. None of them is the "smart one" (or rather, they both are). They can't do this without each other. They complement each other. They need each other to succeed, there's no other way. That's the whole point! Cooperation! Connection! Working together!
I would argue that Grace, especially the book!Grace, is not a coward, even before the mission. The "dang it, that's just not cool!" reaction to the revelation that he is a guinea pig doesn't scream "coward" to me. The willingness to barge into the lab and yell at Stratt to let him back on the project doesn't scream "coward" to me. The readiness to leave his life behind and work on the astrophage, even though he knows that any mistake might literally vaporize him along with the whole ship, doesn't scream "coward" to me.
He is not afraid to confront people. He is not afraid to act and fight and experiment, even if it puts him in danger. He doesn't "avoid risk like the plague", despite what Stratt says.
He is afraid of being sent on a mission where no amount of fighting will save his life. He is afraid of being served a death sentence. He is afraid of being doomed, being completely out of control.
That doesn't scream "coward" to me. That is just human.
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