I Have No Idea...

28.10.16 @10:58am So today I was scrolling through instagram and came across a post that stated "All I need is cuddles right now." And being the dumbass I've always been, I think of this as "I hate school, I hate working, and I don't want to do anything but watch TV and be with you", is it just me?! Tell me it's not just me... I don't know but I think millennials are lazy... And don't get offended because I myself am one and to be honest I am fucking lazy... Ugh... But at least I don't just think of cuddling... There are bills to pay, jobs to work, homework to finish... Anyways that's just a mini rant I am going to do...

17.10.16 @5:36am "There is no breathe in her anymore, only the memory of happiness ripped in shreds. I believe she was the happiest woman alive before events that caused her death. I mean look at her, her heart is black and broken into pieces, but her cheeks full of joy. How can someone pretend to be so happy when in reality there is a virus killing her from inside. I guess she had to know the hard way what love can do. I feel bad for her. She let her idea of love carry her beyond the mountains. And as quick as that went she fell thousands and thousands of feet. Every second a memory of what she thought would be forever. I think love is stupid. How is it possible to let someone else carry a delicate object such as your heart when in reality you dont even know yourself enough to carry it on your own?! Help me understand how you can blindfold your eyes knowing the person in front of you has a knife that they could use at any moment they wish. What if there is no such thing as love and we just decided to make it up because why not?! Love, a word that is used to describe some actions between two people at an unsafe distance." Anyways, fuck everything. :(

12.10.16 @8:15am I have all accounts with this name now... I am waiting to start my channel... But that's not important right now... I want to write a little something before starting my homework... "My foot is pointing east and my heart south. I taste the morning breathe I have known for a while. His side is cold, but it was always like that. Now I am here thinking about the cold leaves that will sweat on my cheeks as I pass under them. I hate feeling cold. Not as in the temperature when I leave the blankets but the feeling on loneliness you get when you remember the loneliness you have. Friends are worth less more after they leave. You think there is no one and truly it's like that. Breathe though, not too hard as well. Your chest can only take enough pins and needles. Lie down, you're not going to get up today either. Just lay your head on the pillow and your hand on the sheets. Leave that razor and get some sleep." I don't know, I just thought of it as I went. Im pretty down at the moment. :/

07.10.16 @7:08pm So CLOWNS... I am terrified to go to school thanks to the news... So let me tell you about an event that happened three days ago (04.10.16). After class I walked to the bus stop. Then I was like "fuck it, I'm going to walk home". I was almost 3/4 out when I saw two tall figures... They were wearing dark janitor like clothing and their face was white... I didn't see no hair and no face features... They were walking from side to side, one getting on and off the sidewalk... So as a normal person I walk away... Looking back every 3 seconds to make sure they weren't running towards me because we all know I would instantly die... And yes I cannot confirm this but I don't deny being scared... I don't like what people do anymore...

04.10.16 @5:01pm Hey everybody!! I made a facebook page and a Twitter... Pretty soon I'll make a Snapchat and an Instagram!! So check them out if you want... I mean I don't give a fuck if you do or not... Jejeje... Anyways... Today I want to talk about school... Okay so I go to a community college and I am so done with it already... I don't understand the canvas shit and I haven't done the homework... I am the stupidest kid ever and I dont like that shit... Im also the youngest being 17 and all... Ugh... Can someone help me with organization and tips and tricks... Thank you it is very much appreciated...

Hope all of you have a nice day or night…

25.08.16 @1:40am My friend and I turned 1 yesterday the 24th of August. I am surprised as to how long we have stood each other. I mean he is a fucking asshole. But even with all the negative marks and the constant eye rolling he is one of the only guy friends I have that lets me be me and still is here to listen to my annoying sadness and stupid jokes. What I like about him is that he is simply a fun guy to be with. My cousins are his friends because he just is a great guy to talk to. I am glad I got to meet him a year ago. My life was a demon possessed prison cell until he came and brought back smiles. I love him and he is the best, nothing more to say.

23.08.16 @8:23pm So here I am on the floor looking down at this phone wishing I could already live on my own apartment with my mother and my sister. Its the second day that we experience a hatred from the man of my aunts dreams. Yesterday he gave fault to my mom for the tasty black meat that dried up on the pan. But it's not hers to have, she was busy in the bathroom cleaning the cockroach filled dump. My aunt and him on the other side were 'chilling' with my uncle on the balcony, still it was my mom to blame. With no opinion to give, as it triggers the monster to silence everyone. He doesn't like to hear anyone with different lives speak up 'against' him. But this is not new. The old monster also took control of words and threw it down the drain along with dreams and hope. Dont forget that when you eat you only have 10 minutes before having to leave. I don't want you to bother me as I try to sleep. Call me stupid to my face. "IDGAF," you dont mean anything to me. SILENCE. Its all we hear. I am tired. We just got out of a dangerous relationship and just got our eyes slapped with another one. Just like last time. A cold shower every day to yell at us that we dont belong here and that we are just bothering another life. I want to leave but being jobless and everything is just wrong. I have to be strong and get them out of here, they dont deserve to witness a man climb a ladder of confidence that they are holding.

10.08.16 @9:15pm This is more of an update... I didn't complete my online class, I got back with him after a week, I am looking for a job, wishing I was somewhere else, and desperately living life. I have been at home with my cousins all summer. I didn't do anything productive all these 75 days or so of summer vacation. I have been miserable for the first half and kind of lightened up a little after july ended. Ive been to lazy to post anything. But I'm looking into getting in the routine again. Well, hopefully. Jejeje.

15.07.16 @11:34pm I broke up with him on the 12th... And I know he is just a guy and all that shit... But the love I felt for him left and now I am empty... I have no reason to live... He was my future... I had done everything for him... But now... I feel like I am dead alive... And I am considering ending everything... Fuck it all...

08.07.16 @9:25am Today we leave... We have nothing else in that motel... Our life is now different... New things are going to hit us in the face... And being honest I am fucking scared... But at the same time it's exciting to know there is different ways to live...

07.07.16 @5:22pm Well... Pretty soon I am going to move out of the motel I have been in for the past 2 years... Reasons... I turned in my abuser... And being honest... I feel weird... It just feels different... Another because my mom doesn't work... So... She can't pay the weekly $500... We might move to California... I used to live there... I mean I was born there... Well me and my sister... But I'm pretty nervous if we do... Mostly because I haven't been outside of Seattle for over 11 years... And that means I haven't seen my dad those years as well... He is old... And I love him... But it'll free us from a lot of stress that we have right now... And I thinks it's good... Another year and my boyfriend graduates... I'm excited to be there when they give him his certificate... He earned it and I am proud of him... Still alive... Which sadly means life is still a thing for me... Fuck everything... I swear I am tired of shit... It seems like doing the right thing is haunting me... Fuuuuuuucck...

21.06.16 @11:28pm So I graduated yesterday (20.06.16) and I feel proud of myself but it was a horrible day... 1. The sun was bothering me all throughout the event... 2. After graduation... My friend Anna who doesn't go to this school hugged my freshman crush... And because I'm so ugly I didn't... 😠 3. My former Am. Gov. teacher never spoke to me after I had to leave his class... 4. I had this friend... Who after I told I had a crush on them, they started to act weird and avoided me all day... 5. My moms partner found out I was bisexual and also started to act rude... 6. My dad never showed up... He had ~work~ to do... 😒 (BTW he is in Cali, this event was in Wa. St.) 7. We got home late... 1030-ish 8. My friend (who was on break that day) didn't go either... 9. I looked ugly af... 10. I looked horrible... 😔😔 As you can see... I did graduate (turning everything that same day) and was disappointed with the results... The only good thing was that my boyfriend and I were on a call from around 320 to 530... Which was awesome... He lifted my spirits... Anyways... Yeah... Just and update for today... 😊😁😁😁😁

So after she left a short while later the stupid potato sack of my sister comes and just stands there at the door… I tell her to go away and nothing… She stays there like if it was her job to take me away… So after a few minutes of me not trying to yell at her… My boyfriend said that we should stop talking because he doesnt want me to get in trouble and that we could talk later… So I went to the living room where we have this inflatable bed… And I lay down… My boyfriend texted me… I thought we could at least do that… BUT NO!!! My fucking ogre of a sister gets up and texts him to stop… 1. My mom and her partner were sleeping… 2. What was the fucking problem of me texting him… Like really? Was that necessary? 3. Even after I ended every single way of contact with him she stays after… I dont know what the fuck she was saying but she stayed up... And I am so fucking pissed… 😠😠😠😠😠 Ugh… Cant wait to move out…