too handsome to be a fish

my life has gotten exponentially better since I abandoned the “I was once a kid in AP programs and now I’m a subpar to average adult like the rest of the rabble, boohoo, woe is me” mindset and wholeheartedly adopted the fact that I’m a big loud dumbass and I’m going to make it everyone’s problem

a professor just used the “:S” emoji in an email

me in 30 years as a tenured professor, in an email to my 8th phd supervisee: “hey how’d the conference go :3c”

honestly “i’ll do whatever you want” “then perish” is the single most powerful exchange possible in the english language and it’s from some bizarre “hewwo” obama rp

And there was that other post where someone dreamt that Obama said “violence for violence is the rule of beasts” like what is it about Obama that makes people come up with such raw fucking dialogue for him

my mother had a dream where he lived in the forest and she had a cigarette with him and he said “to become god is the loneliest achievement of them all” and put it out and walked into the mist and i’ve never fucking forgotten that

I once dreamed that a giant meteor was headed for earth, and the government had set up loudspeakers throughout the cities so Obama could give a final address - I’ll never forget how strangely comforting it was when he said “there are places we’ve never been before. Some of us have never been to the Alps, some of us have never been to Marrakesh. The next life is simply another place we’ve never been before, and we’re all going to go explore it together.” 

I had a dream my family housed the Obamas for a weekend and one morning Obama made us oatmeal for breakfast and, looking at my disappointed face because I don’t like oatmeal, he said “regardless of what we taste, if we eat together, we are happy.”

Once I dreamt that Michelle Obama was running a campaign to give homes to all the feral pigeons and her husband came to my house and gave me a pamphlet that just had a picture of a pigeon on it and he looked me in the eyes and said “who would you be without them?”

thank you, astral plane Obama

idk why people act like children need a two parent nuclear family to turn out okay as if the entire millenial generation wasnt raised by billie joe armstrong

i should have been born a 12 yo boy in the 80s with a bicycle and athletic socks 

twilight’s soundtrack didn’t have to go as hard as it did… decode by paramore? supermassive black hole by muse? roslyn by bon iver and st vincent?? breaking my little middle schooler heart despite not once experiencing love? iconic

how dare i forget a classic… eyes on fire by blue foundation as all of the sparkly whites dramatically walked into the lunch room… incredible

who else was on here at fifteen and thinking they were on the ace spectrum just bc they didn’t want to sleep with attractive people the moment they saw them/ bc they had a complicated relationship with their bodies and intimacy