BethLeeHam

Produce = Fresh. Tasty. Nutritious. Contains some ppm of Love.

The kingly pig looks taken aback by this statement. "You claim to be 'baiting' our kind?.. A master of it, no less - after all the trust we hsve placed in you?"

bruce wears quarter zips and collared shirts? jason is begging alfred to take him shopping and buys the exact same outfits but tinier. bruce has to literally bite his lip to keep from laughing whenever jason comes downstairs for breakfast looking like a mini bruce in his cute little outfits, so dead serious about it. it doesn't help that jason also brings his magazines to the dining table so that it looks like he's scrolling through a newspaper in the same way bruce is a seat away. (the image of his too-small son, who still sits on a cushion to boost his height, dressed in such a formal outfit while reading a teen magazine with a straight face makes him want to fall to the ground and clutch his heart a little.)

Robin: Hello.

(The Justice League stares.)

Flash: ...He's tiny.

Robin: I am average height for my age.

Green Lantern: Sorry, it's just—we expected... I don't know, taller?

Robin: Your expectations are irrelevant.

Flash: Oh.

Green Lantern: Oh, he's got Batman's personality.

Batman: Unfortunately.

Robin: Excuse me?

Superman: It's nice to meet you, Robin.

Robin: I am aware.

Superman: ...

Wonder Woman: You remind me of someone.

Green Lantern: How old are you?

Robin: Old enough to defeat you.

Green Lantern: That's... not what I asked.

Robin: It is, however, the correct answer.

Flash: I like him.

Batman: Don't encourage him.

Flash: Too late.

Flash: So what's your favorite part about being Robin?

Robin: Correcting Father.

Batman: Damian.

Robin: For example, yesterday Father said, "We'll only be gone an hour."

Flash: And?

Robin: We returned six hours later.

Batman: It was an estimate.

Robin: It was a lie.

Green Lantern: Oh my God.

Superman: He's keeping score?

Robin: There is a spreadsheet.

Batman: There is not.

Robin: There are three.

Robin: One is color-coded.

Flash: TIM MADE THOSE, DIDN'T HE?

Robin: Obviously.

Batman: We're moving on.

Aquaman: Wait, there are multiple Robins?

Robin: There have been.

Green Lantern: How many?

Batman: ...

Flash: Bats?

Batman: Enough.

Robin: Four, technically five.

Green Lantern: FIVE?

Robin: Grayson, Todd, Drake, Brown, and now myself.

Flash: Wait, there have been five Robins?

Robin: Correct.

Green Lantern: Spooky, you've just been collecting children.

Batman: That's not—

Superman: Bruce.

Batman: ...

Batman: It's more complicated than that.

Robin: It is not.

Batman: Damian-

Robin: Father encountered emotionally compromised children and reacted by giving them capes.

Wonder Woman: ...

Flash: That's... honestly the best description I've ever heard.

Green Lantern: I thought Robins were chosen through some impossible test.

Robin: They are.

Green Lantern: Really?

Robin: Father must look at you and think, "I can fix that."

Batman: That's enough.

Robin: Thus far, he has been incorrect.

Batman: ...

Batman: Next agenda item.

Flash: HE'S NOT DENYING IT.

Green Lantern: Batman's superpower is aggressive adoption.

Batman: Green Lantern.

Green Lantern: I'm just saying, most people see a traumatized kid and call a therapist.

Flash: Bruce sees one and goes, "Have you considered vigilantism?"

Batman: That is not how it happened.

Robin: It happened multiple times.

Robin: Six, if you count Signal.

Flash: SIX?!

Batman: We are ending this discussion.

Superman, smiling: Welcome to the League, Robin.

Robin: Thank you.

Superman: It's good to have you here.

Robin: Tt

(A brief silence.)

Flash: Aw.

Green Lantern: Did... did Batman just raise a polite child?

Batman: No.

Robin: Green Lantern, your ring constructs lack creativity, your combat stance is inefficient, and your haircut is deeply unfortunate.

(Another silence.)

Green Lantern: There he is.