Me Myself and Time

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

I often think about that post that was a fake dating profile for a cat that was all about chickens, like wanting someone with posable thumbs for opening chickens.

!!!!!!

This remains one of the great art objects of modern times and nobody will convince me otherwise.

cis people can reblog this but keep it on subject, please

Happy pride month everyone always remember that the sinkhole has an ecosystem large enough to house not only insects but likely several species of small birds or mammals

this speaking as a cis person. Nothing brings me more joy seeing people find gender euphoria in becoming a mediocre representation of humanity. And I mean that so genuinely. Local boy finds joy and fulfillment wearing a cargo shorts and t-shirt combo. Local girl has transitioned to look like someone's disheveled aunt, has never been happier. Local person experiences gender euphoria rocking the world's worst bowl-cut. Without a scap of irony, this shit makes me see the wonder and whimsy in just, being a human. An average, person going through their day-to-day, is a wondrous thing? That's amazing. And heteronormativity has stripped these experiences of their joy. Like you're right, wearing a basic girlypop skirt should make my heart sing. Why not? Why are these expressions lesser because they're normal? All this to say. Shoutout to all the basic bitches out there. Yes that polo shirt does make you look like a divorced golfer dad. Yes, that too is kind of a slay, now that I think of it.

in a way john watson is a fantasy (what if you had this brilliant enigmatic friend and what if he liked you in particular and what if he offered you the excitement of youth and adventures and a way out of boring society life and all without having to actually give up your status as a gentleman so you could have the best of both worlds) and in a way sherlock holmes is a fantasy (what if someone never got tired of you despite your various strange habits and mood swings and instead of simply tolerating you they genuinely liked you and what if you didn’t have to live alone forever and what if you never had to give up doing the things you love) and of course there’s the most fantastical part of it all (what if you could afford london housing prices)

Well, famously they can't actually afford London housing, that's the whole reason they met.

at my local thrift warehouse where nothing’s priced and you make an offer on all the stuff you find. well i told the person at the register i’m on a budget and didn’t know if i could afford a rug i wanted and asked what they’d take for it and without missing even half a beat they said “how about a cup of blood?” then they started hopping up and down like a cheerleader and said “cup! of! blood!”

we settled on seventeen dollars cash.

If any competition needed to be on Tumblr, it's this one.

Zelda puzzle training simulator

the only thing that could top that clip is that story

I’m sorry milord, but the peasants are nailing erotic artwork of you and your court jester to the church doors again

and the ship name, squire? what is the ship name

“… Kinglebells, m'lord.”

scariest thing is when you're a kid in a huge family run by women and then you go over to a house that's deeply patriarchal & misogynistic. i remember when i was 8 years old and i got invited over to my friend's house for a big birthday party with her entire extended family. after the enormous lunch that served over 30 people, i got called into the kitchen to do literally hundreds of dishes, alongside all the other little girls and women. not only were the boys our age all excused from the meal to go play, but all the grown men went to the living room to watch sports together and drink. i couldn't believe it. i asked why some of the grownups were watching TV but the girls had to clean up and all the women just laughed and laughed at me.

as a teenager when i learned the word "sexist" and used it the older women balked at it and tried to convince me this arrangement was a good thing actually because women need space from men, and cleaning in the kitchen after parties is a sacred domain of safety. and i was like actually i think needing private safety from your own husbands, sons, and brothers sounds even worse. like do you understand you somehow made this even more troubling than it already was

like i think it's fine if a bunch of sister-in-laws/wives want time together without their husbands & brothers to talk together in camaraderie. i'm not judging that. obviously. but dare i ask why the women's meetup could only take place while doing manual labor for a nearby room full of men

it's also interesting how this ingrained rigid social structures in children bc i was mostly friends with boys at that age and in fact was at the birthday party of a friend who was a boy so i remember complaining to him at school that it was weird all the girls had to help clean up because i didn't know any of the other little girls so i felt really left out that i didn't get to hang out with my own friends for a chunk of the party and he and the other little boys were like "that's just the rules."

It's so obvious that a lot of people on here are inexplicably convinced that bad books are a recent invention