I've been putting this off because I didn't want to jinx myself but I GOT THE JOB so here we go.

Disclaimer 1: I work in biotech which attracts a lot of awkward nerds so the bar for "normal" behavior is probably lower than other fields. Disclaimer 2: It took me over a year of job searching and dozens of rejections before I got this position.

Your "about me" statement

Every interview you go to is probably going to open up with "so tell us a little about yourself". You can mentally prepare this ahead of time because it's basically gonna be the same damn thing no matter where you interview. My last boss called it your "elevator pitch" (fucking business majors). Here's the general outline I follow:

Your name (and pronouns if applicable/safe) (YOU DO NOT NEED TO OUT YOURSELF IF IT'S NOT SAFE)

Little biographical factoid as a segue ("I grew up in [region] and have lived in [current region] for [X] years")

Education - university, major, graduation year a. If your major is relevant to the job, mention a couple things about the coursework you did within your major b. If your major is not immediately relevant to the job, mention a couple things you learned that could be transferable skills (ex.: wrote a lot of essays in school -> good communication skills; took a laboratory course -> ability to follow detailed protocols) c. If you don't have a university degree, I unfortunately don't have any advice on how best to present your educational history, BUT that just means that you should look somewhere else for advice, not that you aren't a good candidate.

Work history overview a. If you have a lot of previous jobs, just mention the most recent or most relevant ones; you don't have to give a full debrief of your employment history b. For example, I worked a retail job for one year after I graduated uni and then worked in a lab for 6 years. I never mentioned the retail job at any of my interviews during this round of job searching because it was not relevant at all.

Short list of relevant skills

The whole thing should only be a few minutes long (maybe like 5 tops?).

WTF are my "relevant skills"?

When you looked at the role description for the job you're applying for, you (presumably) said to yourself "oh hey, I can do that." What parts of your past experience/personal abilities made you say that? Those are your relevant skills. The specific skills you choose to talk about will likely vary from place to place because you want to tailor them to the position you're interviewing for.

Example 1: I applied for a job at a lab. Many of the tasks expected of me at the new lab were things I had done at my old lab, so those were my relevant skills.

Example 2: When I was applying to lab jobs fresh out of uni, I obviously did not have any prior experience in a professional lab. I cherry-picked my relevant skills from my uni coursework and some stuff from my retail job that I translated into Corporate Bullshit (see below).

Corporate Bullshit translation guide

I usually wind up taking the lead in group projects because people are stupid/lazy = strong leadership skills and initiative

I like to chat with my coworkers = team player, good communication skills

I hate talking to my coworkers = strong work ethic, diligent about completing my work

They used to do things in a really stupid way so I started doing it in a less stupid way = good problem-solving abilities/innovation/creative thinking

People are frustratingly vague and I have to ask a lot of questions to get things done properly = attention to detail

I wish people would just keep track of their shit and actually tell each other what was going on = belief in strong communication, diligence, careful documentation

I had to do like three people's goddamn jobs = responsibility, expanded/varied skill set, ability to prioritize tasks

What the hell do people mean when they say you should lie at interviews

It's not "lying"; it's more "twisting the narrative to make yourself look better". You definitely don't want to say anything that they can prove is false (ex.: don't put a higher GPA on your resume, don't say you worked at a place/held a certain position when you didn't). But you can definitely dance around certain details or gloss things over.

Example: In my field, it's very common to be asked about grad school if you don't already have a masters/phd. The thought of going back to school right now makes me want to rip my skin off, but I don't want the interviewers to think that I'm stagnating myself/unambitious/don't want to learn new stuff. So I make vague answers about how I'll probably go back to school one day but right now I am looking for real-world experience and new skills to help guide me towards my future grad school choices.

Example: If they ask you why you left your last position, it's not "I hated everyone there and my boss was an asshole and I was ready to blow my shit clean off", it's "the position was no longer a good fit for me/I felt stagnated and I want a new position where I can learn and grow." Or alternately, it's not "I got laid off because of cost-cutting", it's "there was a workforce reduction/department restructuring and I was unfortunately one of [number] positions removed."

If you had to leave your job for health reasons or due to some other personal reason, they don't need to know the details of that. Literally all they need to know is "there was a health/personal/family matter that needed to be attended" and then you make some vague assurance about how it's all handled now (even if it's not) so they don't worry about you leaving suddenly a short time after you get hired.

Jobs hate training people who are only going to be there for a short time, so make the interviewer think you're in it for the long haul even if you know you aren't. Once you're hired, they can't do shit about it if you want to leave after a month (unless you sign a contract saying you have to work for a certain period of time). But they aren't going to hire you if they think you aren't going to be a good investment for the time/resources it'll take to train you (🤮), so let them think you're there to start your new lifelong career, or at least be there for several years.

Asking questions at an interview

Asking questions shows that you are really interested in the job/company. When the interviewer asks if you have any questions, you should have at least one prepared. These are my two go-to's:

What does an average day in [position] look like?

What direction do you see the company taking in the future?

The first one is especially good because it'll give you a better idea of what you'd be doing, and depending on what info they give you, it can be a really good jumping point for additional questions. At my last interview, I asked that question, and then was able to ask about their weekly sample throughput, the type of automation equipment they used, etc.

Bonus tip from my dad that has served me well:

Before the interview, go through the company's website, especially their news/updates/"in the media" tab if they've got one. If they've recently made a breakthrough, presented at a conference, been in the news for something positive, you can mention it or ask a question about it and the interviewers will be like "oh damn this person knows their stuff".

LITANY OF ACING JOB INTERVIEWS ↓↓↓

This movie got made because Robin Williams said yes to it (and it's important that Gene Hackman did as well). Williams in the 90s was a mega-star of a type that's not present in the current media environment (maybe Tom Cruise, but I personally think that's echo from his salad days). Even his flops made money on the back end in the video rental market, which also doesn't exist anymore (streaming is different). Hackman was on the other side of his A-list career but still Hollywood nobility if not full royalty.

Playing gay was considered career suicide in the 90s. There had been a number of actors who put lie to that belief stretching back decades, but this was Williams and Hackman (yes, being on screen next to a gay character was enough to get you blacklisted) saying "screw that" and doing it anyway.

Being gay and out was career suicide in the 90s.

Nathan Lane had a really nice gig going for himself. The Lion King put him into the Disney rep company with people like Williams, Bette Midler, and Whoopie Goldberg (check their IMBD list from the 90s--they were making bank at Disney).

Lane didn't come out until several years later (nice summary: https://deadline.com/2024/06/nathan-lane-robin-williams-advice-coming-out-birdcage-1235975010/).

I don't want to imply that this was a Sorkinized moment where everything changed because of one thing, but this was a very important movie that caused real movement in the needle on queer acceptance.

I was off the clock app for a month and this is the first thing I see upon returning.

they first find him in the jungle, where an armadillo has no business being

they find the entrance to the city, while being followed by him

he is present when the volcano starts to erupt (previous concept art also showed him in the background actually stopping the eruption)

miguel and tulio sucked ass at the ball game, so they used Bibo as a ball. He ricocheted himself all over the place and defied physics to get into the hoop every time