odyssey dashboard simulator

🚣‍♂️ captain.odysseus

to be so honest neither are looking great but sometimes u gotta make tough decisions. nobody tell my crew about this btw

65 notes

⬜ crewmate-238-deactivated12109

the sirens are dangerous to YOU. i understand them though. we are holding hands and singing and they're not even eating me

🧜‍♀️ siren.girl.40 Follow

no we’re not

⚔️ 0restes

OP being deactivated really adds something here

🎵 demodocus.sings.a.lot Follow

the sirens killed him

🐅 circe.without.mercy

62,234 notes

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

just fucked up so bad i met queen helen from sparta and called her "helen of troy" in front of her husband who literally spent ten years fighting a war to get her back FROM TROY. about to throw myself into the sea

💅 face.that.launched.1000.ships Follow

omg no worries babygirl come back anytime :))) happens to everyone

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

was no one going to tell me helen of troy had a tumblr

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

FUCK i did it again

56,329 notes

⬜ crewmate-24-deactivated9823

for real though has anyone seen elpenor

#i could have sworn he was with us when we were at circes??

4 notes

⬜ crewmate-438-deactivated5764

dreaming of burger made of helios' cattle rn. mmm

⛰️ oracle-at-delphi Follow

it is actually insane that people are reblogging this. do you know how disrespectful this is to helios and to all of the gods?? those are literally sacred cattle, i shouldn't be seeing odysseus' crew blogging about how they want to make them into burgers. it's not funny and it's not a joke.

⬜ crewmate-438-deactivated5764

#it was gonna be such a perfect day for a bbq but its stormy all the sudden #:( #oh well i guess we will just eat our burgers inside

20,572 notes

🐗 antinous420

how long could it possibly take to weave a fucking shroud

📷 ithaca-fact-checker Follow

fun fact! it can actually take 1,543 years to weave a burial shroud for one’s father in law, depending on the materials, style, and craftsman!

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

ayyy ithaca fact checker i missed you

🐗 antinous420

who the hell is running this account

#that has to be a joke right #otherwise that would mean that like only an immortal could weave these #ik athena is goddess of weaving but she cant be the only one doing it #right???

322 notes

🏐 what.up.its.nausica

not the random naked man i found on my shore who i almost got betrothed to being odysseus king of ithaca are you KIDDING me

🏄 pisistratus-son-of-nestor

i thought he was dead???

🚣‍♂️ captain.odysseus

im not

🏄 pisistratus-son-of-nestor

@ telemakhos.of.ithaca @ queen-penelope-official HELLO???

23,753 notes

🐅 circe.without.mercy

actually disgusting that people are still following @/calyps0 when she literally kept odysseus captive on her island for seven years. yes odysseus is incredibly problematic and he should be held accountable for actions. yes i dont support what he did to polyphemus and i will block anyone who said that was deserved. but he literally has a wife and son he needs to get back to and it's disgusting that she tried to impede him like this

🏖️ calyps0 Follow

hey what was going on when he stayed at your place for a year

🏖️ calyps0 Follow

lmfao she blocked me

#girl this situation is messyyyy

16,422 notes

🦉 goddess-of-wisdom

why is everyone so mad at odysseus. he’s just a silly little guy. my silly little mortal. he does tricks. free him

🔱 earthshaker Follow

he blinded my son

🦉 goddess-of-wisdom

ok??? have you considered that maybe your son was being a little bitch

45,890 notes

🚣‍♂️ captain.odysseus

lmfaoooo ive been sending anon hate to polyphemus and he still doesn’t know it was me, odysseus, son of laertes sacker of cities king of ithaca who lives at ithaca palace and is currently sailing home on the aegean sea. click the read more to track my voyage home

Read more

#what are you gonna do about it big guy #nobody cares

5,738 notes

👁️pol.y.phe.mus Follow

when i find whoever it is that is sending me these you are going to be so sorry

3 notes

👑 queen-penelope-official

like this post if you want to be included in the archery contest tomorrow!

#may the best shot win!

108 likes

🍽️ suitor-37

anyone noticed the quality of penelope’s wines at ithaca palace has kind of sucked lately

🕶️ ordinary.beggar.dont.worry Follow

i have a strong feeling that you won’t have to worry about this for much longer :)

17 notes

if you're smoking it, you are going to be coughing a lot. you are going to be breathless a lot. your breath and smell are gonna be real bad.

if you're going to be snorting it. do you want to have a permanent sniffy nose? this is how you get a permanent sniffy nose.

if you're injecting it. you will develop weird painful spots and also itchiness.

in general: you are gonna be so tired and you will feel so evil and your sleep will not be normal and you will be pooping way too much or way too little and it will also stink and you will have really bad headaches. and your memory will get worse.

with alcohol - you will unlock evil nausea and grogginess and also you will have crazy dreams and general brain fog

with opiates - do you want to be itchy forever. this is how you be itchy forever.

with psychedelics - basically you will never feel hungry or tired again and no matter how much fun you think it is it is actually hell on earth to not be able to reset your body and you desperately need a reset and you have misplaced the button for reset.

with meth and the associated family -- You will feel your heart in places your heart should not be and also this never goes away

also not fun: spending money on things you cannot afford. and the slow realisation that you promised to never lose control. and then you did.

"i already experience these" Great. It gets worse. It gets so much worse.

"well I can't be addicted to stimulants because I have ADHD / opiates because I have chronic pain" I need you to know. This is a lie. The primary difference on why people experience withdrawals is the strength of the dosage. Also ignores the amount of disabled people who ended up addicted because they could not find their medication otherwise.

And you have your staff play with their kids while you hold them in the tiny restroom as they come completely undone because they just found out that their golden boy husband is having an affair with the someone he's been doing residency with for the past three years.

He confessed that he'd rather be with the other woman but she's of a different faith and it's more important to have kids than to be happy. And no. No he will not grant her a divorce. And he will not stop seeing the other woman - because he's a man. It's his right.

TRUE story.

Also - She was NOT THE ONLY ONE to fall to pieces in our store for similar reasons.

I loath the ideology of "tradwives". It is a false doctrine preach by Patriarchy not a divine being.

It is the nature of evil to hide this way.

Married out of college, 4 kids, he spent 15 years building up his career while she took care of the house and the kids. When he was earning $600k a year suddenly he started to pull away - she wasn't as pretty anymore, the kids were loud, the house was a mess... She wasn't good enough anymore. He got himself a flat. He got her me and my precedessors to help with the kids. No, they can't divorce, that would make him pay her money for the kids and he didn't like that. Every once in a while a bill would be unpaid. My weekly checks would bounce. We lived in a $1,5mil house around DC and our gas or water was turned off more than once.

Somehow he was always out of money.

By accident she learned from a friend of a friend that he was actually seeing a young lady lawyer for a few years now. It wasn't her, it wasn't lost interest. He was just a piece of shit.

Thankfully, she had family that took no shit and they stood behind her and borrowed her money for lawyers to force the divorce now that she had proof of him cheating. She's spent tens of thousands to get there while he was resisting every step of the way - because without divorce he wouldn't have to pay her alimony, he could just throw scraps whenever he wanted and still pretend to be a good dad.

She's spent tens of thousands and two years to free herself from this man, and when she could finally go to work (thank fuck she finished college) she was earning $25k a year.

She only managed to get away with the support of her parents and family. Through the au-pair grapevine I've known other families like that. Too many. Lady down the street tried to commit suicide when same happened to her - she was from Taiwan and had no support to get free. And people around scorned her for being "dramatic" - women who held on to their places with their fingertips talked shit about her, because their own husbands would never...! Right?

This? Is why conservatives want to take away no-fault divorce--because if some dude says no to a divorce and you don't have any (IRON-TIGHT) evidence of cheating? Then you're stuck in that situation and he doesn't have to pay a drop toward you and your kids. He can go get a flat, fuck his mistress, and you will starve with your kids until you can get some kind of proof of him cheating and a judge who likes you.

Now imagine all of this horror movie shit, AND you can't open a bank account without this piece of shit opening it with you. That was what women dealt with until about the 70s when we were finally allowed to open bank accounts with a man's signature.

That is what conservatives and fundies want to take you back to. When this shit was just the fucking norm.

There are old white guys still alive who remember who damn nice it was when a woman couldn't open a bank account without a man's signature and his dad could go live a double life with a mistress with zero repercussions and oh how they slather and drool for those times. And how they have waxed poetic about these halcyon days to their desperate daddy-issues sons now eager to please and without the social skills or emotional maturity to understand the fucked up nature of it all.

direct orders of "you really really need to kill this guy" ignored: 1