my family wasn't this strict, but in some sects of buddhism you're not allowed to eat the "five pungent vegetables", onions garlic shallots leeks and umm chives i think, really any of those kind of vegetables. probably some monk ages ago was tired of onion farts stinking up the temple. anyways, one time my brother made a soup using all five of them. he said, "one sip of this, and you'll be reincarnated as a flea."

Not a shipper, but a one drunken handjob in 2006 truther

Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.

Honestly, a not-insignificant contributing factor to my mid-20s gender crisis is that I used to think I was viscerally repulsed by playing as male characters in video games, but eventually I realised it was literally just playing as smarmy brown-haired thirtysomething dudes with an emotional range running the gamut from dull surprise to generic rage that put me off, and basically every other sort of male player character was fine. It's just that this happened to be when the Uncharted series was really taking off, so a solid 50% of all male video game protagonist fit that mould! Nathan Drake sucks so much that he made me question my gender, is what I mean to say.

i think taylor swift wishes she was bisexual because she knows it would make her slightly more money. whereas sabrina carpenter wishes she was bisexual so she could have sex with someone who looks exactly like herself. and ariana grande wishes she was bisexual because she did too many designer drugs on the set of wicked and now she has kin memories of being glinda for real

im in the business of fishery let’s take it from the dock

she’s got a body like a largemouth bass it’s swimming like a cod

My edo period samurai roommate keeps telling me how i’ll bring shame and dishonor to our apartment if I keep forgetting to wash the dishes. Like whatever dude, I’m not the one carrying on a passionate yet illicit affair with the daimyo’s daughter whose hand has already been promised to another.

もう大名に「真に申し訳ございませんでした」と言いましたよ！と、お前は、我の浮気を公衆に明かさないと言いました！！

Bullshit dude last night I saw you texting O-Sumire haikus comparing her to the flower which gives her her name

the fact that i am constantly saying strange and unpleasant things is just part of my charm

girl nothing is ever gonna be all the way together just enjoy the bits and pieces #yourfragments

Do you wanna play mermaids? Yay. Okay so my tail is light blue and I have ice powers. And I live in the Arctic sea and watch British sailors die horrible deaths while trying to find the Northwest Passage.