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yeah no sorry i can’t come. yeah its - its my chemical romance again. no yeahh its gonna be all summer

not now kitten, daddy has to write strange self indulgent fan fiction.

i hate when people say zesty. just call me a fucking faggot cmon you know you want to

cosmic horror (god loves you too much and keeps resurrecting you)

cosmic soap opera (god loves your boyfriend too much and everytime you die it basically breaks him so god has to resurrect you even though he's really annoyed about it)

Okay but…if someone wants to take me on a date to a Barnes and noble and get me dinner and a drink and then let me peruse the stacks like I’m not saying no. A sandwich, a beer, and 2-5 books on various topics I hope I’ll someday read about? Good night.

The Swedish equivalent of Blockbuster is now best known for its candy, snacks and sodas.

OMG that’s AMAZING!

sometimes, I fall head over heels in love with a place. El Ateneo Grand Splendid is incredible. I am in love. At the very least, in lust – that could very easily escalate to love. Le sigh.

this is hilarious to me because not only have I been on tumblr long enough to remember the first time El Ateneo Grand Splendid went viral around here, I actually went there last year (while I was passing through Argentina for a weekend) entirely because tumblr told me to

OBSESSED with the fact that buttons got so popular in England during the 13th century that they had to pass laws limiting how many buttons you were allowed to put on a garment. They really had to bring in the government to shut down the button mania. Buttons are the sexiest clothing fastener.

yesss! and I remember reading in fashion history class that some women sewed Too Many buttons on their garments but argued their way out of the fines because the extra buttons had no matching buttonholes so OBVIOUSLY they weren't actually functional buttons but beads!

There's no end to the hilarious folly of sumptuary laws and the endless (even more hilarious) ways that people found around them. :)

telling job interviewers i work great under pressure knowing id kill myself

As I grow older I feel my capacity to understand that Miss Piggy is not a real person reached a peak in my adolescence and is now on a steady decline. I watched a Wendy Williams interview and there's this part that's like "can we get a ring cam!" and Miss Piggy shows her bling and I'm just like fuck she's so iconic. Miss Piggy who are you wearing? Miss Piggy have you ever considered running for office??

Like literally every time I see Miss Piggy there's a period where I need to readjust to the fact that it's not a person, and I feel that period is getting longer and longer with every instance

It's not just the audience; professional journalists, hosts, and actors report it is legitimately difficult to not see the Muppet as a person, and it is, in fact, incredibly easy to interview or act with them once the performer gets properly set up.

Like that one time they couldn't figure out why Kermit's audio was so garbage... then realized they'd put the mic on him instead of the performer.

I did an interview with Gonzo one time, and when I got into the Zoom call, it was the actor on screen trying to figure out his audio. And then once he did, he went like “OKAY!” and then just like dove to the floor and it was Gonzo and there was never a moment when I doubted that the dude was just Gonzo’s tech guy 

I have met a muppet-like puppet in real life and when I tell you that my brain was hacked FUCKING INSTANTLY..... It was a person, I swear it was a person. I asked it for a hug (no i was not 5 years old, i was like 28 at this time). i genuinely don't know what came over me, it was just. It was a person???? Witchcraft

There's a guy who comes to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science with life size Skeleton puppets of mammoth/young T-Rex that he wears. You can fully see him in the middle of the skeleton, and it's a SKELETON, but absolutely everyone interacts with the puppets like they're living, breathing animals. I watched multiple people attempt to feed pretzels to the baby rex.

To all my writer friends who are on the struggle bus/suffering from writer's block/just dealing with life stuff right now!

tumblr is social media for people who don't exist