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Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours

NO. NO. NO. THIS ISNT HAPPENING

by talos

vampire hunter? no i said vampire HAUNTER. this jerk sucked all my blood out so now i spend my afterlife knocking over shelves and scaring off potential victims and just making the castle generally pretty cold

it's always 'bleh why are the plates floating', 'gah who knocked over my blood goblet' and never 'sorry for killing you' ok starve then!

and what are you going to do about it? have a priest exorcise the place? yeah good luck with all the crosses and holy water you piece of shit

It’s a lovely morning in the gothic castle, and you are a horrible ghost.

reblog if the girl on the right is just as beautiful as the girl on the left

if the truman show came out in 2020 trumans life would be livestreamed 24/7 and the twitch chat would be absolutely wildin. poggers

My favourite type of movie is “period piece romance but fantasy-horror hijinks happen and now everyone has to adapt to the new genre or die,” ala Curse of the Black Pearl, Anastasia, The Mummy (1999)

"everybody has to adapt to the new genre" is really criminally underutilized in general

When a “funny” dude likes you and anytime he sees you anywhere he will be like “yoooo wassup it’s Jelissa!” (Or whatever) like “omg Miranda is here whaaaat” for literally no reason why do they do that

They are more likely to do this the more meek and shy they perceive you too. They are less likely to do this if they think you’re loud and confident. Idk what it is it’s not even necessarily bad or annoying it’s just like why.

I've reblogged this before but fuck does this last story really make it

reblog to put a weighted blanket on the person u reblog this from

if you watch paw patrol and are over the age of 2 I’m beating the shit out of you

I 100% unironically advocate literally eating the rich, at least once. I don't think it would do any moral or societal good, but I think it would send one hell of a message. Imagine waking up one day to learn that some asshole tech startup bro was cannibalized by his workers. Imagine how twitter would react.

need a full body massage a margarita 400mg of ibuprofen a plate of brownies at least an hour in a jacuzzi and 20,000 dollars cash

Lads night out, their pretending their not shit faced

they’re waiting their turn :)

jokes about english teachers overanalyzing books have done detrimental damage to society

at this point when I see one of these jokes online I start frothing at the mouth

so why again were the curtains blue?

me and your mom picked them out