🕯️💌 Draculina 💌🕯️

Harvey has really bad religious trauma from when he was a kid. After the booth, he retained some pretty bad head traumas that would occasionally make him slip into his old church's beliefs and behaviors, like asking for forgiveness from God, scratching lines into his arms and hitting himself. He never remembers doing these things, but Eun-Mi has told him about it way too many times to count by now.

At some point, when he was more okay with being around knives, Harvey started to indulge in actual self harm. It wasn't really much, just a few lines here and there, but it made him feel like he had control over something again. It made him feel like he could control the amount of pain he felt, and that those feelings no longer belonged to Player to dish out for him. It was pain, sure, and it lingered, like everything else did, but it was his. He chose to feel it, and that somehow made him feel better.

Harvey snapped at Toby once. Just once. He was having an episode and Toby just so happened to be around, and seeing his dad so distressed he wanted to help. That resulted in Harvey yelling at him to leave him alone, and going on an uncoordinated ramble/yell about things. It was the first and only time Harvey ever yelled at either of his family members, and he felt so horrible about it afterward that he threw up out of stress.

He can't look in mirrors anymore. The first time he looked at himself when he was finally taken home from the hospital, he zoned out for 15 minutes, and the second time he ended up hurting himself by punching the mirror. He also can't look at old photos of himself, and has started removing or flipping over old family photos in their house. Eun-Mi has to keep a hand mirror in her purse because they permanently took down the mirror in the bathroom after Harvey broke it.

Harvey has really long sessions of bedrotting. He hardly ever got up the first few months after the attack, and didnt do anything around the house for a year after that. Eun-Mi had to beg him to help, even with small things, because she was drowning in all the new responsibilities. They ended up working out a system where Harvey takes care of Toby's business while Eun-Mi does the rest. It's not the best system, but it works for them. For now.

Harvey can't go outside. He only steps foot outside when he absolutely has to, like the court case, but when he is outside he has to either be completely covered from head to toe or with Eun-Mi. She is his lifeline in public. Even when he has all this, he feels like people are staring, so he can't be out for very long.

(This one is kind of self projecting) Harvey feels horrible about all of the above. He really does want to help out more, he feels like he should be able to move on and get better by now, and wishes he wasn't so useless to his family, but sometimes it's so hard for him to even get out of bed, and there's so many little things that are so ingrained into daily life that he has to avoid that it's such a struggle. He hates it. He hates himself.