I miss my friends. Recently I’ve been feeling slightly isolated and lost when it has come to friendships but I’ve come to the conclusion that I haven’t been appropriately delegating my time to the people that actually care about me and the people that I truly care about. I’ve missed so many birthdays and big watershed moments for my friends this year and I know specifically birthdays aren’t always a big deal but celebrating my friends is and always will be a big deal. My friends used to be my recharge and my safety and I haven’t felt like that recently, everything saps my energy and I haven’t recharged in a long time. I know when it happened, it was when David and I fought. I tried so hard to connect with him and to be his friend despite all the times he showed me I shouldn’t. And it shouldn’t have taken him putting hands on me for me to realize that but it did and I think that makes me sick? That I couldn’t see what was right in front of me and was always on display, did I ignore it? Was I so caught up in trying to make him like me that I forgot how to be me? I don’t think I know myself right now and that scares me. I’m sorry for being absent, i’m going to try harder. I’m going to be the friend I used to be. I know I can. I have to. Otherwise I don’t know who the person that comes out of this is.
