inside the head of a mentally ill girl

a man: "yeah i like having my space clean. it makes me feel nice." random person: "omg are you gay!!! cleaning is a WOMAN thing!"

a man: "i like wearing makeup, it boosts my self-confidence." random person: "holy crap, are you GAY??? makeup is for women!!!"

i already find sam and dean incredibly fineeeeee and i see so much stuff about them on here and from my friends, so might as well watch it

tw: mentions of disordered eating and 3ds in general

i think im relapsing into my disordered eating habits. i figured out i had disordered eating a while ago. its kind of been a constant thing for me.

i went on vacation and i ate what i wanted, when i wanted and barely thought twice about it - except for once in the middle of the week where i felt very gross. but other than that i was fine. all the food i ate was very yummy and i had avocado again for the first time in a while. i think im mildy allergic to avocado, but its just so tasty, i can't help but eat it.

then i came back home. then comes the disordered eating habits.

i start eating less and less until im only eating dinner every day. then, for a day, i dont eat anything at all.

lowkey i dont know what my deal is with food. im such a picky eater, there are so little foods i like. plus i find eating to be such a hassle. and also i have definitely thought about intentionally fasting for long periods of time.

my body confidence has been kindaaaa iffy. i like my waist (kinda) but i dont like my arms. my chest is obnoxious compared to the rest of me. my hips arent wide enough. my legs are too thick.

its a constant struggle with myself. i just wanna lose the weight and feel pretty for once.

all of flynn's exes are skinny and petite. and theyre all so pretty, i cant even compare to them. still nothing when it comes to the follow request. its pissing me off.

and kinda stressing me out, i think.

school starts soon for me and i know we'll have a class together, so we can always talk then. but what about when we're not in school? what'll i do then? i can always ask for his number i guess, but im not on my phone enough for that.

look at me, i started talking about my eating issues and completely turned it into a chat about flynn. how did i even manage to do that? it makes me seem so boy crazy/male centered, but i swear im not

flynn has just been crawling in my mind for the past week. i miss him.

i wish i could say its whatever, but its really not.

welp i guess i just have to be patient.

papa-paparazzi

baby theres no other superstar you know that ill be

your papa-paparazzi

yes i haveeee

but it wasnt like "we dated" yuri, we just had a little thing where we liked each other and we knew that we liked each other and we'd be all awkward with each other

trying to be an angelic, doe eyed girlblogger but there are women/girls on here that will degrade themselves on embarrassing levels for a sliver of male attention

tell me why my follow request STILL hasn't been accepted??? genuinely what the helly. to be fair, my profile picture isn't of my face so he might be suspicious of it - but at the same time, we have lots of mutual friends, so i doubt he doesnt realize its me

im just so desperate for him to accept my follow request and follow me back. its embarrassing to be honest. for me AND for him.

he has this amazing girl trying to reach out and he's just ignoring her. wow.

sorry that was cocky and obnoxious 😭

my friend said she's gonna go jump flynn if he doesnt accept my follow request soon; anyone wanna join her?