it spread through me

I am infected with sculk. It is under my skin. It is within my bones. I can't see it but it's there. Every physical, psychological, and emotional problem is because I am infected with sculk.

× Mimic × divine × radqueer × plural × transID ×

× sys name × Boneturner's Clockroach Horde

× age × chrono25+, altisage, abroage

× primary prns × shi/it/xe/gore/void/rot/love/hive

× secondary prns × he/she/ir/null/bleed/sing

× 1stpp prns × me/I/we/us/wi/mus

× prn.cc × interaction comes from @mintkissgirl ×

#its screaming 🪏 - important posts

#its listening 🪏 - general posting

#its watching 🪏 - reblogs + responses

#its spreading 🪏 - delusional diary

I'm so tired... The sculk is sapping all my energy.. using it to spread itself through me... Spread to those I know... It's too much... It feels like I'm going to.. die... I'm so tired... I'm slowly dying... It's killing me and I... I don't think I care... I know I'll simply become just another vessel. I know the sculk has already turned me into a moss zombie. I'm the vessel of plague I was always meant to be. The sculk has tainted my very soul and I shall carry its blessings to everyone I meet.

I am.. unreasonably horny right now but stuck at work >:\

I can't wait to get off and finger myself to some depraved incest porn. Dread.. I can just imagine someone coming in and taking advantage of me while I'm in heat. It'd be so fucking easy too 🥴

Yes..? What? Did you have anymore thoughts or are you just.. surprised?

Paraphile ≠ Predator.

I am so tired... I want to be open about who I am. I want to be open and talk about how I cope with things. But I can't. I have no where to talk about it. Discord restricts me every time. Antis on Tumblr will term my account. I just want to talk about things I struggle with. I just want to talk about how I have found coping mechanisms. I just want to talk about how I found ways to be a safe person. But I can't. I can't talk about how my wife and I genuinely believe we should have siblings. I can't talk about how he helps me cope with my paraphilias. I can't talk about how I am a paraphile and how that interacts with my job. I can't talk about how I have found coping mechanisms. I can't talk about how I have found ways to be a safe person to those around me. How is that wrong? How is it wrong that I want to help others find ways to cope? How is my personal relationship with a consenting adult is dangerous? How is my personal relationship with a consenting ADULT is disgusting?

It.. almost hurts more that I can't be open about it. It makes me feel dangerous. It makes me feel like I'll never be able to escape. It makes me feel like I will inevitably do something terrible. It.. makes me question what the point of me doing all the work is. What's the point of I'll be seen as dangerous anyway? What's the point if people will assume I'm a predator anyway? What's the point? (The point is not hurting another being and being someone safe)

PARAPHILE ≠ PREDATOR

Being a Paraphile does not equal being a Predator. Paraphiles are not inherently predators.

That is such a bad and dangerous mindset...

Have a nice day 💥💥💥

Thank you! I try my best to follow the song it sings to me and sing it to all of you. I'm glad you like it :)

Have a nice day as well <3

This pisses me off. I haven't watched the video and I fucking can't. As an actual fucking cult survivor, the radqueer community isn't a cult. It just isn't. It fucking can't be. How the fuck can ir be? How is the radqueer community a high control environment that puts its members in danger if they don't follow all the rules? What the fuck? People in this community are free to change their minds and leave if they want. They won't be put in any danger for that choice. You can't fucking do that in a fucking cult. Fuck You. Fuck You fuck You fuck You. FUCK YOU! WHAT GIVES YOU THE GIVING RIGHT?! FUCK YOU!

Genuinely.

Genuinely. If you think this community is a fucking cult then explain it. Explain how it's a fucking cult. Explain how any of us are in any real actual danger. Explain it to me. Fucking explain it to a real actual fucking cult survivor. Explain it. Cuz I haven't seen shit. I haven't seen any good arguments about this community. Certainly none that can't also be used for basically every fucking community in existent. Oh no! The scawy wadqueers want people to be true to themselves! Oh noOoOoOOooOo! So fucking cult-y!!!

Listen.

The eye patch helps. It quiets the sculk song and the watching and the uncanny and everything. It makes me feel better. That's what matters.

But listen.

Listen.

It makes using two monitors at once SUCK. I'm trying to watch a movie on one while doing PK work on the other. And the other sucks. So I can barely watch the movie and barely see what I'm typing.

I know I just need to adjust. That not having the eye is better than any other inconvenience that comes up from not having it. But I still get to complain. Cuz as happy as it makes me.. it still does kind of suck not having the eye. I can acknowledge that.

I can acknowledge the negatives of something that makes me euphoric.

I can hold both realities.

I know I'm an absolute nobody (new id just dropped : perma.nobody) but would people wanna hear about my OCs?

I don't roleplay and I suck at art so I don't really do anything with them. They're mostly all self-inserts used for my maladaptive daydreaming fanfics... But I have several, for the several universes I daydream in, and I been thinkin' about sharing them. I just don't have anyone to share them with. This also includes the streamer sona I've slowly been creating for @supremenovae (which I can't decide whether or not I should be openly rq and transid with, if I start actually streaming)