this is where I rot

God, everything is getting on my nerves. First of all, my nerves are literally acting up and have been for weeks and I feel random twitches in my body and yesterday I started feeling this static pain in places that weren’t even being hurt or strained in anyway. It sucks so bad and I can’t even explain how frustrating it is to have your body constantly twitching in random places 24/7. And one of my grades still hasn’t been put in so I don’t have access to Federal Work Study in the school system because I’m not yet meeting criteria for my GPA until they put it in. So I can’t even apply for a job and I need to do it soon because the freshman and everyone else are going to come in when school starts and take all of them. And because I can’t get a job I can’t get a SNAP card so I still can’t buy my own food and I have to keep asking my parents for money just to fkin eat. I can’t buy any of my wants because I’m constantly having to buy needs and I’d feel guilty if I spent any money on some stupid trinket when I’m not even making the money myself. And I have horrible insomnia to the point where I can’t sleep even with 10 hours of lying down. Life was going so well and I thought I was getting better, but now all of this is giving me anxiety again and I feel depressed and I’m having ideation again because I can’t stand the way that my body feels. It feels like I’m being tortured and I can’t do anything about it. I’m so tired.

One thing I love about myself is that I’m very anxious about what other ppl think of me, but I still just do what I want anyway lmfao. I wear whatever I like and not tied down to a specific aesthetic. I openly talk about my political and moral views. I love to rave about my interests when prob no one cares about and maybe think is cringe, but I just like to talk/post about them anyway. I openly talk about my mental health struggles, my flaws, and mistakes I’ve made that I’m ashamed of or embarrassed about. I embrace things that I want for myself that aren’t traditional or average. I genuinely live by yolo. I literally think it in my mind. I’m not going to spend my life being a doctor, lawyer, or even a graphic designer, because I don’t wanna do any of that and I’m not settling for less. I’m just blindly chasing a dream of being a concept/character artist, and I’ve failed so many times, but I don’t gaf. I don’t know if there’s an afterlife or reincarnation, so I’m going to try to do everything I want now. Why would I try to conform to what other ppl think? So that I can be accepted and more satisfied because I’d be less insecure?? I can just be satisfied by doing whatever tf i actually like and believe I should be able to do.

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

my blog is a safe space for me. the rest of you are in danger i think

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

Huh, didn't know there was a term for it. This explains why I haven't been drinking as much lately.

Sorry for posting about mental health on main, but, god, I wish ppl actually understood and were accepting of more mental issues/illnesses/disorders. Okay, so you care about anxiety, depression, adhd, and autism, but you can’t get over the fact that ppl w depression will be off putting and have bad hygiene? Do you actually care, or do you only care when it’s relatable and easy to digest? If you can’t even handle that, I don’t even want to hear what you think about cluster disorders. There is still a widespread amount misinformation and stigmatization around these and many other issues I’m not mentioning. If you’re still calling random exes you have narcissistic, or saying everyone with BPD is a manipulator, you cannot say that you are a mental health advocate. So many people will throw around medical terms associated with these disorders and not know at all what they mean. OCD, manic, bipolar, intrusive thoughts, schizo, favorite person, disassociating, stimming, anorexic, hyper fixation, special interest, etc. Do you know what these things actually are? A lot of people will use these words to describe themselves while simultaneously making fun of others that are actually experiencing it. Let alone using them as insults. Check yourself.