Liz Has a Blog

I’m going to the grocery store does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45 minutes

How much

Only 3400

hot damn 🏃‍♂️ cmon guys lets go 🏃‍♂️🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🧞‍♀️

ok I’m back you and your boyfriend and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your djinn can go

Apple has announced a new emoji of a little gay guy getting fucked in the butthole by a big gay guy and an emoji of a big gay guy getting fucked in the butthole by a little gay guy

Oh easy mistake. Yearning actually rises from the floor and longing hangs from the ceiling

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

oh, no, you misunderstand me. those were my monkeys. yeah the circus and i have since parted ways. yeah it was the elephant thing, i dont really want to address that right now though

*eminem voice* *falls into a hole in a sewer grate before saying anything*

We need more women characters who are Male Protagonists. You know. Slightly haggard. She's splashing cold water on her face and gripping the edge of the sink staring in the mirror for a minute. She's coping badly with her deadwife

“word hashtag my word #myword” has done irreversible damage to my vocabulary

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

At the sex shop asking if I can buy a regular sized dildo I can put in my unremarkable asshole but they recognize me as the hero of legend regardless