~*~*Elle*~*~

Oh, but had the artisan who made me created me instead – a worthy woman... ...I would say "how lucky am I"

Father in heaven who did miracles for our ancestors with fire and water... ...Who would then transform me from a man to woman? Were I only to have merited this being so graced by goodness...

What shall I say? why cry or be bitter? If my father in heaven has decreed upon me and has maimed me with an immutable deformity then I do not wish to remove it. the sorrow of the impossible is a human pain that nothing will cure and for which no comfort can be found. So, I will bear and suffer until I die and wither in the ground. Since I have learned from our tradition that we bless both, the good and the bitter I will bless in a voice hushed and weak: blessed are you [HaShem] who has not made me a woman.

Zelda x Link

It's such a fantastic reversal of power! In an instant, it changes the genre from Chell's psychological nightmare into Glados's body horror.

This whole time Glados has been creating a psychosexual connection to her lab rat, and now that rat worms its way through her body in a way she can't track.

There's almost an intimacy about the rooms Chell solves being specifically tailored for her to see. They're a dishonest facade, until Chell escapes from the predetermined path and sees what Glados truly is/looks like, and ventures all the way to the heart of her, stripping her bare.

"What if you were a massive mechanical complex and I skittered through your insides and climbed into the heart of your most private and vital organs? And we were both women?"

And even well meaning friends often can’t do more than say “hey don’t apologise”. But every time I meet a person like this, I teach them like two tricks about how to be aware of their own emotions and that day I see effort, every time.

It’s amazing how often people apologise to express a sentiment of gratitude. It could be for myriad reasons, habit, not knowing other ways to express themselves, being afraid grace will be taken away for not making themselves small enough. This leads to difficult situations as receiving those apologies can be very awkward, and that awkwardness can get in the way of being an effective help to them.

My favourite way around this isn’t a flat “it’s alright” or “you dont need to apologise”. Them struggling to believe it’s alright is why we’re here and they’re apologising because they’re making an earnest attempt to communicate something, so in a sense they do need to.

What I do is look at what they’re apologising for (“I’m sorry for wasting so much of your time”) and look at what’s being communicated here that could be phrased as gratitude instead. Then I’ll gently offer an alternative such as “Do you mean to say, ‘Thank you for spending so much time with me’?”

When these feelings are expressed in the form of gratitude, it’s a far less internally damaging train of thought and a more comfortable and useful thing to hear on the outside.

Often I find this is a relief to them because for many people, the apologies were never meaningless patter. They were an earnest attempt to convey information and pain, and finally it’s being treated as something worth listening to instead of a detriment to be sat through or corrected.

It’s important to remember the following details.

- Sometimes sorry means sorry. This isn’t a blanket find and replace. It won’t be every single instance of the word sorry, but it will work for a lot of them.

- Explain what you’re doing. Explain to them how often these sentiments can be interchanged. If you start doing this without communicating you’re very likely to be met with confusion and shrinking and misinterpretation of your goals.

- Build their confidence through this. The goal is that eventually they will one day express gratitude by default in place of the apologising. Sometimes point out that they apologised and let them rework it themselves. Take note of where they succeed at this and congratulate them. It’s genuinely such a big step.

- Be careful of putting words in their mouth. You want to be wary of yourself, and be sure that the replacements you offer are an accurate interpretation of what they mean to say. In many cases, they won’t have the confidence to correct you, or lack sometimes the clarity to know if you’re right or not. Their ability to correct you will grow with their confidence and trust in you, but never declare that “This is what you’re feeling.” You’re not the expert here. Offer everything more as “could this be what you’re feeling?” Give them as much space to speak up for themselves as you can.

That’s the basics of it all. It will take to some slower than others, maybe it won’t take to others at all. But I’ve seen efforts to improve that *day* from some of the people I love the most. No one wants to be seen as a burden, but for people like this, their attempts to escape being seen that way push them deeper. Giving them tools, teaching them how to use them and being patient while they learn will be more effective than being chastised. Every Time (in my humble experience.)