~

Whos cock do I have to suck to suck some cock around here

Unionize with ur fellow pedestrians. They can’t run us all over

this is how right of way works on college campuses

Make a little birdhouse in your soul. Bitch

with jonbenet ramsey's murder still unsolved? i think not

She's babygirl she's a grumpy old man she's a wanted woman she's creepy and wet she's cursed by the gods she's terrible to intern for she's an enemy of the state... i didn't use her name but she popped into your head didn't she

There's gotta be a better way of talking about fatigue cause I'll be standing there in the fucking trenches like thousand yard stare and I explain this as "I didn't sleep well last night." & everyone's just like "lol that's Sleepy Kurt! Why don't you go to bed earlier" I'll kill us both

snorf

Chlomp

overstimulated in the club tonight

pretty sure i could romanticise anything, i am deeply delusional.

on the first day of Christmas my true love said to me...

im not immune to how corsets make breasts look

6 hour workday maximum i’m not kidding, if it can’t be done in that timeframe it doesn’t need doing.

this doesn't apply to jobs like childcare

If i worked in childcare and my 6 hours were up i would start putting babies in ziploc bags and shipping them to Turkmenistan listed as endangered fruits and vegetables

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made