Lyssa 🎃

don’t leave out the best part

jackie thinking she’s finally found the one “my friend sally does mummy & me yoga, she’s very into fitness, she’s kind and also vegan!”

I'm now imagining Jackie being like, "You could have said you like arseholes, Shane. My cousin's best friend, Lewi - he's a dick. Tattoos, piercings, really pretentious about indi movies, hasn't eaten any fibre in like 5 years, I think. Smokes, drinks, whores around, even wears that slavic fuckboy style you like so much? The adidas slippers and all... want his number?"

as much as I agree with you that ilya would never reveal himself as lily to stan tw, I just had the funniest thought about Jackie finding out. Imagine he's either retired or out of the playoffs with like a collarbone injury or something, and now that he's on the same team as Shane he can finally assume his final form: going to the games as a wag with shane's number on his back (doesn't matter that he's the centaurs captain or anything) and talking shit about the players with their wives. It's time for the all-stars game, and by now he's gotten comfortable chirping with some of them like brood's wife and Harris, but here he's almost alone and bored; enter jackie. she's friendly with ilya because of Shane, but she's never really gotten to know him, and suddenly he's here and he know all the gossip and he has the cuntiest opinions and jackie is so sure she's heard that exact comment before somewhere. cut to ilya finding jackie with their dms as lily open on her phone and looking at him with this mixture of sudden horror and glee in her eyes. of course she never tells everyone, and shane and hayden never know what happened between the two of them to suddenly make them partners in crime