baby, bang it up inside

strap is such a beautiful noble and sexy word meanwhile dildo sounds like the name of an italian clown 😭

a "midwife" you say... tch. such a foolish word. a wife could never be mid. all women are epic

1 thing about me I'm gonna be a sweetie

Can I hear a second thing about you

2 thing about me I'm a nasty sicko man

in bed absolutely fucked up on pillow and blanky

i do genuinely need to go on some sort of quest this year or i’m going to become evil for real

crossfaded off two pillows & my blankey

still believe that one of the greatest bits of all time was on January 6th, 2021 when. well. you know. and twitter was understandably an echo chamber of panic and fear and Justin McElroy just tweeted a selfie with a filter that was like “have a delicious national spaghetti day” followed by 3 tweets that were like “fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know how to delete scheduled posts” and as i type this two years later i’m laughing

Weed gummy should cost 50¢ and be sold out of vending machines and at corner stores

"I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" I would. Pussy

before directors are allowed to put in the request for cgi they should be required to answer: “would lord of the rings have been able to do this by sitting somebody a little further back, using an apple box, or putting out a casting call for a really big pig?” and if the answer is yes they should consider finding a really big pig.