number one rosa klebb stan and simp

my only real advice to avoid fucking your brain up big time is that if a job ever makes you take one singular step towards throwing yourself on the tracks in actual earnest, quit the fucking job without waiting. because no possible consequence could be worse than that. at the very least, slack off until you are fired. you are better off alive than a cold body with an uncashed paycheck

I wonder if next semester i can bargain for another few sessions with the psych students. i dont want to bother going anywhere i'd have to pay for. i just need to disgorge it, drain the festering wound. i'm thinking about my stint in hell too much again, and its like being there, and it makes me freak out, so i have to remind myself not to think about it by myself. i looked around the campus library, there was nothing helpful for how to deal with it. if only there was the answer in a book somewhere, some instructions on how to screw my head on straight...

ran out of socks without holes in them, but its too damn hot to go shopping for just that.

maybe the only way out is through. maybe i have to face my fears, not wait for them to dissolve away. maybe my embarrassment has only gotten worse through years of abstinence, like how a dark room makes you blind in the light

whats funny is i'd been describing her to my friend, and i was getting frustrated because i couldn't get across how perfect she looked, like something that wasn't real. not even normally my cup of tea but the sheer unrealness was arresting, everything was perfect. and my friend said "like a shampoo commercial?" and i said yes! exactly!

it sucks that like, everything is an escalating behavior when you have the self control of an ant in a glue trap. can i not have one fucking thing that i can control myself about. for crying out loud

saw the biggest ass of my life. like a couple gallon jugs walking down the street

Another sleepless night, another opportunity to watch the sun rise