im so thankful for bread and what its done for us as a society. u can put so many things on it. u can toast it. u can dip it in soup. where would we be without you bread. in a bad fucking place let me tell you

you can only reblog this every day of the week

godless weaday

@anomalous-heretic

when writing the romantic subplot of futurama they had no idea how important the himbo X girlboss dichotomy would be to the youth in the 2020’s

*ships m/f couples but in an un-mistakably bisexual way*

we fucking on the autopsy table tonight

someone on r/legaladvice was sick of their coworker stealing their food out of the fridge so they started labeling it “POISON - DO NOT EAT” in sharpie on both the bag and the food’s wrapper every day and the person still kept stealing it so after a week they added a bunch of laxatives to their food and the thief had to go to the hospital and could possibly sue OP. the general consensus was that OP was technically objectively in the wrong from a legal standpoint but there is 0% chance of them being convicted in criminal court because that would require finding 12 jurors who would rule in favor of someone stealing food labeled “POISON - DO NOT EAT” and then getting poisoned

“Not guilty by reason of fuck that guy.”

WHAT JUST HAPPENED

round

every day i think about how i accidentally outed myself in high school by showing my friends a sweet text from my “boyfriend” that read something along the lines of “good morning, i love you, i know you’re going to the beach with your friends today so be sure to wear sunscreen” and they thought that was too nice of a thing for a man to ever say to a romantic partner so they figured out that my “boyfriend” was a woman. the bar is in the earth’s core

Translation: Person behind camera; *knock down one card* “Go.” Other person;“Is your character mentally stable?” Person behind Camera; *Looks at card* “Yes” Other person; *Slaps down all but one card* “IT’S MOMO”

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS.  THERE WERE ONLY A FEW DOZEN NOTES WHEN I SAW IT LAST.