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Night ruined
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titsay
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Sade Olutola
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@azureemerald
Open tumblr
Catch glimpse of angst fic I know Iām not gonna like
Continue reading anyway
Night ruined
Not really, but why do I do this to myself?

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Ummm. So I had a lot of ideas and got excited and tried to write them all at once. I wrote a chapter for an au in the clone wars but then started questioning my writing skills and put it away for a bit. I know itās good practice to just write, but I have that stupid perfectionist trait that keeps me from enjoying my hobbies.
It doesnāt help that I have trouble articulating the scenes in my head into words.
Iām trying to catch up on some other stuff, but Iāll get back to posting soon. I just didnāt want to post a multi chapter story with only the first chapter.
Iām not interested in writing cheating fics. I can barely get through reading them. If I did write one, the cheater would be the villain of the story. No going back to the cheater at the end, my self respect and pettiness could never.
I write for comfort. Sometimes I like to tear my heart in two with angst, but very specific storylines and actions. I wonāt even write things like a character leaving their current partner for the reader or vice versa. Just not for me.
(Unless the current partner was a dick, but thatās special circumstances)
Simon x gn!reader
Tw: Mentions of abuse and childhood trauma
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I donāt think Simon would be the type to even notice other people. He wasnāt exactly looking for a relationship before he found his current one. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, though, edges frayed and roughed up from abuse and trauma.
Bonding over their fucked up childhoods, comparing father figures to see whoās was worse. At least Simon had a mother who looked after him. His lovie didnāt have anyone to protect them from the ones who wanted to hurt them.
Simon grew up watching his father go out and cheat on his mother all the time. Why the hell would he want to inflict that same type of pain on someone he loves? Especially to someone who was used to people abandoning them. Simon wouldnāt add to the pile, he wouldnāt be the one to hurt them.
He was the one they could rely on, even if he was on the other side of the world. If they called, he made sure to answer or call back as soon as he could. The others could make their jokes as he slipped away when they had a moment of quiet, he didnāt care.
He usually didnāt pay attention to the goings on of others in the barracks. Information was kept and filed away for security purposes in his head, but otherwise he couldnāt care what they got up to. It still made him sick to see someone he knew was married with kids shacking up with someone who wasnāt their spouse. But it wasnāt any of his business.
Heās blunt about his own disinterest when someone tries their luck with him. Going out with the 141 or just around base. Shoos them away as efficiently as he can. The only time he got angry was when someone who knew about his partner at home attempted to get close to him. Touching him was one thing, disrespecting his love was another.
They werenāt stationed around him after that. Transferred to another location within the week.
He comes home whenever he gets the chance. Itās a drastic difference once you have something to come home to. No more bare apartments in the seedy side of town. No more sleeping on the couch because he couldnāt be bothered to sleep in a bed.
Itās cozy now; soft lighting, a better couch, the noise of some show they were fixated on nowadays, and the smell of something like warm vanilla. A huff from Riley as he entered, the dog greeting him at the door as he took his shoes off.
And there they were on the couch, under a plush blanket and supported by pillows and cushions. A discarded project sitting on their laptop with a half a cup of lukewarm coffee on the table in front of them.
They didnāt get up from their spot, didnāt have to, as he came over to them. Bag set on the recliner, he gently spread himself out over them. Head on their chest, listening to their steady heartbeat as arms wrapped around his broad shoulders.
Why the hell would he ruin this by wondering off?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just want to be loved by fictional characters. Is that too much to ask?
Drabble I made to process my feelings. I donāt even read those stories when they come up but I see them while I scroll past and this is what pops into my head.
I started using asmr videos to fall asleep a while ago.
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Simon doesnāt mind the noise. Heās used to sleeping through worse and it beats the dead quiet that lets his thoughts run rampant. Anything is better than those, honestly.
Most of the time itās just noise, unboxing videos, packing orders, restoring old toys, or something to do with art. Usually, it was on her phone, light noise that didnāt distract. Very rarely there would it be talking, intentionally making triggers, as she put it.
Sometimes heād let her put on an ambient video on their screen in the bedroom. Rain, thunderstorms, snow and almost always with a fire crackling. He didnāt quite get it,as it rained so often outside their shared home. But the noise kept her anxiety at bay. She hated the silence too.
It wasnāt until she humorously found a video of someone cleaning a rifle that he finally got it. The familiar sounds and clangs soothed him and before he realized it, he was sleeping like a baby. A full night of uninterrupted sleep that lasted past six hours.
It unsettled him at first, to be the one waking up after she was already out of bed. He calmed down after checking the apartment. She was in the kitchen with her coffee and the kettle on for him, not even looking up at his paranoid perimeter check. Bless her, she understood him completely.
He settled down right after, but he still wasnāt sure what to do with the knowledge he could be lulled to complete slumber like that. His body didnāt know what to do with a full eight hours of rest.
He slept better when he was with her. That was something he realized early on. The fear of losing that, of this, of her, kept him from enjoying that sleep for too long. Always up before her, her coffee started as soon as he saw her shift on the bed through their bedroom doorway. Very rarely did he stay in bed after waking.
She noticed though. It wasnāt like she used it against him, but when the thoughts in his head wouldnāt let him rest, she put the video on their tv. His eyes would focus on the motions, listening to the noise, criticizing the work at some points and then suddenly he was waking up after the sun was out.
He understood then.
He let her start putting her videos on their tv after that. Those never put him to sleep, but it was soothing enough to know what it did for her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I thought of Simon seeing one of those rifle cleaning asmr videos and being like;
āI do this for work. How would this make me feel relaxed?ā
Then heās snoring two minutes into it.

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That urge to implant an overpowered oc into the clone wars for a fixit timeline so they can live their best lives.
Storytelling be damned, I want them to be happy.
I have an oc Iāve played around with, non-Jedi, not even from the galaxy far, far away. She wasnāt intended for Star Wars, but itās just so fun to put her in places she wasnāt meant to be.
I usually pair her with Fives in most of my daydream Auās. My second favorite is the Nulls, seeing how the Skirata clan reacts to this too-good-to-be-true walking miracle. Itās usually with a high amount of suspicion, at first.
Sheās my general copium character, which is why sheās so overpowered in the first place.
Sheās not truly an invincible or infallible character. She makes mistakes and has weaknesses. I just like having a character that is the one doing the saving, rather than needing it.
Itās nothing like a person from our world jumping in to their world and just telling all the characters whatās going to happen. The oc doesnāt really know whatās going to happen either, sheās just there by coincidence and later consequence.
Itās overall something I write and daydream about for myself.
I want it to be a fixit, but one thatās earned.
Iām just not sure if thatās something others are interested in reading.
I have other OCs too, normal ones I pair up with other clones, canon and original.
Nsfw
just a thought bubble I had in my head that grew.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Simon watching his girl beat the shit out of someone for groping her.
Simon didnāt even get the chance to move, she was already walking towards the prick. Fucker turned around all cocky and proud, but the smug look gets wiped off his face almost as soon as it appeared.
Then the drunk asshole is on the ground, failing to defend himself from a woman who could actually fight back. And she was being easy with him.
Simon just watches, making sure no one tries to intervene before sheās done with the shithead on the ground, or any of his mates try to jump her.
Dick hard the whole time.
Whenās sheās finally done, she stands straight, ignoring the crowd and walking back to her spot under Simonās arm. Mood ruined, they finish their drinks and walk out the bar, leaving a mildly bloody and groaning mess behind.
They donāt make it to the bedroom of their apartment. Clothes stripped off and thrown to the ground as soon as the door shut. He has her ride him on the couch, a perfect position to grab her hips and watch her come undone on his cock.
His girl, who could take care of herself just fine, who didnāt need him, but chose to stay with him despite everything. Who saw right through him and met his darkness head on.
He made sure she came at least twice before he did. His arms tight around her, hips slightly lifted as he came deep inside her while aftershocks pulsed through her cunt. He could feel her breath on his neck, sharp intakes while she recovered.
This was the real treat, the aftermath. Connected like they were the same being, happily whole. He swore he could feel their hearts beating the same rhythm, perfectly synchronized.
āYou get that out of your system?ā She asks him, still out of breath.
āDid you?ā He fires right back, knowing she understood what he was referring to.
She gives him a little lopsided smile, proud of herself. Heās proud too, and he knows she knows it.
āIāll do it again, too.ā She lays her head on his shoulder as she says it. He knows she would, and he wouldnāt stop her. Bastards deserved to get humiliated for putting their hands where they didnāt belong.
Neither of them move to get up for some time, just enjoying the closeness and warmth of the other. The memory of his girl flooring someone bigger than her playing in Simonās head. A few minutes later he was hard again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I like to think Simon would have a thing for his partner being capable of defending herself. A little peace of mind, even if he still worries about her safety.
This was literally just a thought I had after doomscrolling a bit. Not sure where I was going with this. Good writing exercise I guess.
So, years ago in the Skyrim kink meme, there was this prompt that was essentially a hunter being so isolated from civilization that he had never met a woman and didnāt know what to do when he came across one, but was constantly aroused by her. I donāt know if it ever got filled, but the idea has stuck with me ever since.
A man who had been living isolated out in the wilderness for so long, he had never met a woman before (besides his mother). Set in a vague time period where hunting is part of survival for many.
He comes across an unconscious woman on his way back from a hunt and brings her to his cabin. Maybe she got lost or was running from something or someone. She isnāt helpless, just a bit out of her element here.
I think itās a fun au and Simon Riley would fit into that gruff, survivalist hunter role. I had written a sort of rough outline for a story that Iāve been refining and tweaking a bit. Actual story is still in the works as Iām still planning out how I want it to go.
NSFW ahead, given the au was basically made for smut.
*ā-> ahead is: breeding kink, m x f, p in v, fem reader, pregnancy mentioned, mentions of abuse and implied forced animal cruelty(Simonās dad was a prick), Simon unaware of boundaries and social norms
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wildman Simon au idea
Simon Riley, a name he hadnāt heard in a long time. The few people that encounter him call him āGhostā, a name that perpetuated from the few survivors that managed to escape his wrath. Territorial like a wolf, Ghost attacks any that get too close to his home, but chooses to remain hidden when hunting further from his territory.
He was raised by his father alone in a single room cabin, separated from his mother and brother at a young age. Cabin was a generous word for it. His father was abusive and cruel, forcing Simon to do horrible things to animals, in order to ābecome a manā. His father was eventually killed by a wild animal while they were hunting, and Simon did not try to intervene.
His upbringing left him with little social skills, not aware or understanding of social norms and boundaries. Not that he cares to interact with anyone, preferring to follow animalistic habits he learned by observing local wildlife. He is curious about his kind though, wondering about the life he was forced to leave behind so long ago. Heāll quietly observe hunters in their camps, watching the way they interact with each other, how they move, their tools and their clothing.
He makes his own clothing, taken from the hides of the animals he hunts. He makes almost everything else he needs as well, with a few exceptions. If he sees something on the body of a fallen hunter or left behind at a recently abandoned camp that he finds useful, heāll take it. Usually itās tools, as he seems to be much too large to fit most of their clothing.
He adopted a wolf pup some time ago, raising and naming it Riley to feel connected to his family again.
Heās never met a female of his species, save for his own mother, but he canāt remember what she looked like. Having observed the wildlife for so long, he understands the concept of reproduction, but not the mechanisms of his species. He understands his own anatomy to an extent, having stroked himself when the need arose.
So when he finally comes across what he believes to be a female of his species, he is completely overwhelmed.
Riley already considers her part of the pack, instinctively understanding she isnāt a threat. The wolf would curl up on the cabin floor beside the shoddily made bed she lay on, while Simon brooded over her.
Simon is fascinated and infatuated with her. He finds himself wanting to learn from her, making himself pliable to her whims. Itās not entirely innocent, as he is frequently aroused by her, loving the softness of her skin and curves of her body. A contrast to the hard muscle of his own and the rough skin from surviving the wilderness.
He often tries to initiate sex, not understanding of the why, if she rejects his advances. In his mind, he is a virile male who can provide for his female and is thus a perfect mating partner. He likes the idea that he and āhis femaleā are a mated pair, bonded for life. One of his favorite animals to watch are the swans, as they mate for life and the families stick close until the babies are ready to be on their own.
If she does return his affection and accepts his advances, itās a mix of animalistic, exploratory and gentle. He lets her guide him at first, learning the ropes and absorbing every little detail. He becomes completely enthralled by the reactions he gets from her when he stimulates certain areas. The hidden little appendage under that thin bit of skin between her legs is his favorite, just from how responsive she was when he played with it. It was easy to make sure she was ready for him when all he had to do was lower his mouth on those petal-like folds. He wouldnāt have even thought of doing that had she not shown him.
And when he enters her for the first time, itās like nothing heās ever imagined. His hand could never be enough again. Warm, wet, tight, and accompanied by her sounds and squirming underneath him. He watches her face and movements closely, addicted to the sight, sound and feeling of her already.
Heās almost insatiable from then on. Mounting her from behind and taking up a relentless pace, or folding her legs over his shoulders outside in the grass. Images of all the wildlife roaming around the wilderness with their young flash in his mind. The swans heād seen looking after their cygnets together, wolfpacks and their pups. Maybe even memories of his mother, loving and kind, doing everything she could to protect him and his brother from their father.
His female, his mate, would make a good mother, he thinks. Patient and kind, smart and resourceful, as heād seen in the months heād spent with her here at his cabin. Their pups would be well cared for, loved and protected. Simon would never be like his father, would never torment or force his offspring to do things they never wanted to do. They would be taught how to survive, but more importantly, how to live.
And when his mate starts to sport a swollen belly under the hide dress he made for her, he is already starting on making things for the incoming little one. A carrier, to start with, for him and his mate each. A crib, like the one he vaguely remembered his mother once used for his little brother, and other things he thinks they would need as it came to mind.
His mate, Riley and their growing little one, were now part of a family, something heād been missing for a long time now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Still a work in progress, but I wanted to share it. Iāve seen similar AUs that I adore but not quite like that original prompt.
But if you know of any stories or imagines that are close, Iām a little gremlin for em.
Iāve been lurking here for a long time.
Now Iām thinking of putting my writing and ideas out there.
Iām not a great writer, my attention span is like a pinball machine, but I have a lot of ideas that I have and havenāt seen expanded upon.
And Iād like to add my own thoughts to the digital pile.
Some Fandoms Iāve been passively apart for years:
Star Wars: Mostly the Clone Wars. I love my clone men, and they deserve better. This includes Boba. I also like the mandalorian armor, but it depends on whoās wearing it. EU Jango was the best.
COD Modern Warfare is more recent. I never liked cod in the past, mostly because of the player base. I was reluctant at first, but masked men have always been my weakness.
Transformers on and off. The Prime tv series is my favorite. I check out other series and comics every once in a while, but Iām not an expert or anything.
Mass Effect is my shit, but I cannot physically stray far from my own personal choices in game. I watch others do renegade shenanigans but itās mostly paragon for me. And Garrus of course. You have no idea how happy I was to find out you could romance an alien that wasnāt just a blue human. (Sorry Liara)
Dragon age origins is the same as Mass Effect. I even tried other origin races and still somehow always accidentally maxed with Alistair. I wasnāt even trying to, I was going for Leliana those few times. Alistair is my husband across all playthroughs I guess. I cannot play any differently now, itās just weird.
Fire Emblem, depends on the game. Like most, I found it through smash bros, so Tellius is my favorite, I need more Zelgius and Black Knight in Feh. I got his latest legendary but I want mooooore. Three Houses was great, a little lacking in certain areas storywise, but Iāve never played the other game to see if they filled in some of the blanks. Blue Lion route is my go to. Awakening was pretty great.
Stardew Valley, Leah is my wife. I added the Mando and Grogu mod but only in certain playthroughs do I actually marry Mando.
Fallout, I am a certified ghoul fucker. First was Charon, and then Hancock who has been in the back of my mind for ten years now. I only like Danse when I play a particular character.
Elder scrolls, mostly Argonians. I have a male argonian that I play on ESO. If Derkeethus would stop running away, I would have picked him in Skyrim. Thank Todd we got Scouts and Shahvee as alternatives, I feel bad for the Khajit lovers. Argonian Nerevar is just poetic. (I also like the werewolf twins)
One Piece, though on and off. I hadnāt seen the anime since I was a teen and just got back into it after seeing how far itās come. I used to be a Zoro fan when I was younger, but now that Iām a bit older I prefer Mihawk. Still catching up.
Coral Island, where I finally learned the meaning of bisexual panic. I donāt have a singular character that I like more than everyone else. Macy, Suki, Alice, Raphael, Chaem, Zarah, Merpeople. I canāt decide.
Iām just going to group these under their own category.
Ghostface
Nemesis (Resident Evil)
Pyramid Head
Some of the Og Dbd killers (trapper, the knight)
Yautja characters (I like OCs as well as canon. Iāve seen some pretty great ones over the years.)
Kakashi, but I hate what heās in. I just like masked characters.
This isnāt all of the things Iām interested in, but itās a good start. Mostly, I just wanted to introduce myself, find people with similar interests and just stop hiding. I have another separate blog tied to my small business and that helped to put myself out there, but I wanted something just for my thoughts and writing. Some of which are filthy but usually accompanied by genuine affection for and by my comfort characters.
I will mostly be doing x reader or x oc type stuff, mixed with some random thought bubbles. Maybe a little inconsistently, but Iāll try.